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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> sitting tight with the truth
Post Info TOPIC: sitting tight with the truth
glad lee


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sitting tight with the truth
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Namaste ((my friends))

For the past few days, I have been struggling big time.  like, Higher power has been trying to show me some major things...

Last Friday, I was angry about my employer's behavior.  On Sunday, I was angry about my family's alcoholic behavior.  On Monday, I was angry about my boyfriends behavior....  and that has had me reeling, crazy, and off center ever since.  Life is unmanageable.

So, I worked my inventory and I've phoned my sponsor every day this week.  I kinda, sorta get what shes telling me but the stories in my head are so flipping real and convincing - that I have been "wronged" and therefore, I need to act accordingly.  But she keeps telling me, STOP IT!!

So I do.  I like to cooperate, of course. 

But then, I start thinking again.  Even in conversation with her, I simply cannot let go of the surface-y stuff.  I keep bringing it up, that I have been wronged.  I know inventory is meant to show that the resentment is never what its really about, its not the TRUTH I need to get to.  That said, I was quite shocked and appalled at some of what she concluded...  And I told her, "I have great resistance to being called a drama queen."  (we laugh a lot)

More importantly,

I had no idea I was looking for things to b*tch about so that I could avoid doing some very important inner work.  (Distractions are so handy, arent they?)  So, today I know some new truths about myself.... this is the part that brings on the tears because this is NOT going to go away overnight.  There is too much fear.

I cant believe everything my brain thinks, I know this but... it can be soooo convincing.   I have to remember this as I work through some scary stuff.

The good thing is, I have not acted on any of my angry thoughts today... I have not cut anyone out of my life  (thats my punishment, Ill show em!)  No, I am sitting tight, practicing some new behavior... sitting here with some very uncomfortable truths about myself.

(the program suit sure gets itchy sometimes, doesn't it?)

Thanks for reading.   




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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
likemyheart


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Hi Glad Lee - as I was reading your post I was sure that your sponsor was going to suggest that your addiction was anger and to try putting the word anger in the first step - I came to realize I was powerless over anger and my life has become unmanageable. That was where I thought it was going - I was just out driving with my teenage daughter (fingers out of the dashboard now, i'm home safe) and we were talking about things and I mentioned how often I think of something from the TV show LOST - Jack explained to Kate what he did when he was afraid - he let it in, let it take over to the count of five, then he had to get down to business. I was telling daughter that I've found myself doing that in a lot of emotional circumstances - let it take me for a few seconds, then do whatever I had to do to get over it and on with things. Its funny how some little thing will stick with me and I'll find use for it under different circumstances.

I have taken to trying to figure out the base reason why something makes me angry - identifying it, naming it, not just being mad. Surprising when I do that - get to the heart of the anger, it no longer has a hold of me.

Cheers!

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Christy


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Namaste,

Oh, our heads are sometimes vast bottomless ego bombs, aren't they?  And that's what's talking...ego. 

I can only suggest to look through the eyes of your soul instead.  The soul is perfect and cannot be wronged.  Ego tells you that you must not be good enough, how dare they treat you as such!! 

Your soul would simply smile, wish them love and carry on. 

Namaste (The light in me honors the light in you)

Christy

 



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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Jerry F


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When the student is ready....the teachers arrive.   Mahalo Nui ladies...this is how I was raised in Al-Anon.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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GailMichelle


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I love your subject line: Sitting with the truth.

I've actually been doing that myself lately. Oddly, it helps. "Accept the things I cannot change."

Thanks for your post Glad Lee. I always enjoy reading them.

Namaste to you as well!

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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light.  Lama Surya Das

Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die.  Malachy McCourt
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