The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So we finally decided that we need some time off. Even though my ABF has been taking plenty of time off while he's been partying. Alanon has certainly helped because it has been a month of hell and before I would have wanted an answer immediately....with the help of the program, I was able to wait it out until he was competent enough to talk to. What is really bothering me is that just two days ago we talked and said how much we loved each other, but we have so much anger and resentment towards each other for different reasons, that we need some time apart and maybe we can get back together and start fresh...but he changed his facebook so that he's not in a relationship with me anymore I know I know...something so silly bothers me so much! But I can't help it, I feel awful everytime I see it because its just a reminder that we are not together. We set ground rules that we will not date other people, but how can I trust him when he's betrayed me before and he doesn't know what he's doing when he drinks! I miss him so much, and for some reason I can't remember how much pain he put me through...its like the missing him takes over so much that I don't think about the nights he left me wondering where he was and if he was even alive. The times he ignored me to hang out with other girls.....Program is 100% made a difference in my life, but this really sucks!!!!!!
Good morning....your post sounds so very familiar to me.
I'm glad your keeping with your program and it has helped - it sounds like you did well : )
All I can say (from a little of the same experience) is keep reading and praying, keep venting, and going to meetings....look in the mirror and see what YOUR all about and what you want for yourself and if you don't know, maybe it's time to try and find out!!!
Keep trying to think about what is best for YOU and your serenity...is it doing you any good to check his FB? Does it benefit you staying up all night worrying about where he is or what he is doing? Will he do it anyway??? I know for me, knots upon knots in my stomach ...meant not good.
And I don't think it silly at all that the FB bothers you. It would have bothered me too, tons!! Can I ask something??? So is it basically he is free to go party, and put "single", but your supposed to agree not to see other people and wait - on him as he drinks and parties until he is ready??? Are you still talking - does he now return your calls/text and is respectful, but your just not seeing eachother? What is he doing for you????
What I'm basically asking is.....What does this "space" mean - for you Corgi2????
Have you read "Getting the Sober" volume 1? This book is really helping me see things from a different perspective. Just this morning I read something that said "we become as addicted to THEM as they are to the alcohol ( or drugs)" which is saying that if we don't have them we feel the affects of our withdrawal from them. Thats the sick feeling we get from missing them. I am learning to focus on me and what I want to do. It is so hard to change my ways. Today I had to take my son to his last day of school, I am on vacation from work this week, and on my way home, I uprooted some road side wild flowers that I love and replanted them in my own garden of flowers...its something I love. Gardening my flowers and adding to it what I can...I feel so good! Then I dead-headed the other ones that needed it and even had a few to put in a vase in side. My abf woke up and noticed I wasn't paying close attention to him. He came out and kept asking me what I was doing and why and about the flowers. I had my own stuff going on and he wanted my attention. When I was finished, I then gave him some morning attention, said hello, kisses, hugs, had some coffee together. I am slowly becoming me. You can too :) Alanon meetings help so much along with getting contacts to call and finding a sponsor...HUGS!
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Getting them sober is a great series...helped me a lot. Corgi I am currently on a break from my ABF too. Some days are easier then others. It is good for my soul but I love him and do find myself missing him. But we are deserving of being happy and we have to do for us to find that zen.
I know I know...something so silly bothers me so much! But I can't help it, I feel awful everytime I see it because its just a reminder that we are not together. We set ground rules that we will not date other people, but how can I trust him when he's betrayed me before and he doesn't know what he's doing when he drinks! I miss him so much, and for some reason I can't remember how much pain he put me through...its like the missing him takes over so much that I don't think about the nights he left me wondering where he was and if he was even alive. The times he ignored me to hang out with other girls.....Program is 100% made a difference in my life, but this really sucks!!!!!!
