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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> So, this is REALLY my life??!!!
Post Info TOPIC: So, this is REALLY my life??!!!
Rora


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So, this is REALLY my life??!!!
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I find for me that the acceptance of reality is a gradual process.  Today, it is Fathers Day.  My exaH now has restrictions put on him for supervised access of our son because of a recent police report indicating an attempted suicide.

I made arrangments with exaH's grown daughter to pick up our son for Father's Day.  I still question if this was the right thing to do.  exaH made no effort to make a plan.  As my little guy excitedly went off with his sister and her children I thought to myself "Is this really my life?"  The feeling of failure became overwhelming.

I think back to a time when I felt happy with exaH.  Special moments I treasure.  I think back to the decision to have a child with this man.  It took great dedication to conceive.  It was a big process and very deliberate.  I think about the glimpses of love and commitment he has been able to share with our son as well as the multitude of hurts, disappointments and betrayals.  I feel complete and utter sadness.  This is not the life I wanted.  Not for me.  Not for my son.  Not for the exaH either.  Alcoholism does not care what I want/wanted. 

I can't help but feel like I failed. that I failed us all.

Rorano



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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Oh Rora! I am so sad you feel this way! Hon there are kids who are treated sooooo much worse when there is NO A in the family!

Look at what you did! He doesn't think about well my dad didn't want to see me, he is having a great loving time with family!

You did not keep him home and mope around!geez lotsa ! sorry,lol.

We feel what we do. Ya know we planned our daughter too, son was the flu.....

haha. I don't feel like a failure at all. Did you really know about Aism, I mean really? Even if you did, you are a mother and have a kiddo!!!! That is wonderful!

My mother taught me, grampa too. Do your best, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. I always graded my students by effort.

Hon your A has a disease, if he had cancer would you fell like a failure. He could have brain cancer and have all the symptoms of an A. Would you feel a failure?

I always say life is messy no matter what. No one is perfect,no one always makes great choices.

I just shared about my kiddos, 35 and 36 now I think (c: I am 45 so not sure how that happened, lol.I am 58.

Hey we had rough times, A scared both of them,had to get an R order. Daughter wrecked my new 4wd pick up. Son put my new jeep in the lake....both tried to use profanity around me. they don't now!

I felt so unappreciated. Well don't we all with our kids! lol

huggen ya, love,debilyn

 



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maryjane


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi,
Think of your son. He wouldn't be who he is without the choices you made. Aren't you glad you made them! You can have gratitude for that.

I"ve been where you are now, and that is how I got through it. I have 4 daughters. And they all turned out great.

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maryjane
Rora


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Thank you both.  "family" holidays are hard.  All in all the day was a good one, mostly after there was a release of a bunch of stale old emotion i had settling deep in my gut. 

Rora



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