"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Lots of recovery, but it still stings...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

oh geez lou I wish we could go somewhere comfy and drink tea and eat good, yummy stuff, like cheesecake, ben and jerries, french fries with good cheese, big green salad...lol

I KNOW what you mean. I see people all kinds of people, shaggy, dirty, clean, challenged, tall, short, all shapes, all sizes holding hands. They have someone that they fit with!

I had it two times with so many years inbetween! I am like you, Like the tin man,"I still want one."

I learned from my last posts I think maybe the most important part is liking us like we like others. we love people for who they are, so how arrogant is it of us not to believe there are other nice people out there who love like that too!

And if they don't, I sure don't want friends like that anyway. Lou you know, its the unique people that I am interested in anyway. dare to be yourself, unique, different.

We need to put ourselves out there. I like that love like you have never been hurt.

I do know volunteering at things you like and care about is one of the best way to meet people.

I hated dating, I loved taking our dogs, going for walks,driving to the beach or mountains. Going where my hair would be messed up and rain washed away makeup, got muddy, played. If he still liked me then he really did! lol

Lou just being real I think is a huge key. I like ya so I am sure many others do and will! Hugs, hugs, sis,debilyn

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Louper, I know where they are buiding and fixing stuff. That means MEN in jeans, white t shirts and tool belts. we could take camping chairs and a cooler or two FULL of goodies and share! What do you think??

hugs,deb

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I know what you mean - four years ago I was 50 lbs lighter, looked 10 years younger and had my 'xxxx' together; I was pretty happy, but horridly lonely because every where you look, people are couples and they look like they are happier as couple. So I found someone to be a couple with and ...... you know the story.

Today I'm sort of grieving I guess, sad, lonely, tired of being alone - fighting my yard and it has taken the heart of me today. I've been sitting here playing a dumb cmputer game thinking i should get up and do something constructive but my umph is gone. I mourn the holidays, barbequing with friends, everyone bringing something and laughing and having fun; i mourn the closeness we had, laying on the couch together, or his head in my lap. I tried to be one of those who moved on and had someone again but I moved to fast and look where it got me!

Tomorrow is another day, today is just one of those donkey with a carrot on a stick days I guess, holidays feel like that a lot, trudging through them.

-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 20th of June 2011 11:33:31 AM

Otie · Senior Member

Dear Loupiness, I sure do relate to the feeling of not getting what was "supposed to happen".

Loup, exact ly what proof do you have that his new relationship with his married alcoholic girlfriend is a lovenest of happiness and joy. How do you know she will not cheat on him. How do you know he won"t cheat on her----he has a history of cheating as does she. Hpw do you know he won"t relapse---A's are known to do that?

How do you know that you might yet have a secure and nurturing relationship down the line?

Loupi, please take these questions as they are meant----to help you feel better on this sucky holiday!

Sincerely, Love, Otie

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I have definitely struggled with similar thoughts - not so much in the longing for my ex, per se, but just in that whole "everyone else seems so happy" mode..... For me, it is my pity party, that I don't like much about myself, so I am getting better & better at not going there....

In the immortal words of my wise old sponsor: "it is neither good, nor bad... it simply is"

Take care Lou - happiness is within your reach!

Tom

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Things got better for me when I began to accept the humility piece of the program. (my favorite definition for humility came from Jerry F... to be teachable.) When someone told me victims do not recover, I had to listen up, I had to embrace this spiritual program because I soooooooooo wanted to feel better.

For me to not feel gypped after the divorce, I had to view the sprawling home I once had during my marriage in the exclusive neighborhood, the second home in southern Florida, the luxury vehicles, the boat, the vacations..... as attachments. In my case, they were not attachments to any higher power. I once held a belief that I got some kind of power from those things, which was a big effing lie... an illusion that I had. It had to be smashed, I see that now.

Today, being in recovery.... I am on a spiritual path. I work hard to keep my connection to higher power by making time for it every day.... and when I do, I am better at accepting things as they are. Today, I don't even own my own washer and dryer! A year ago, I threw my tantrums, I said to myself over and over, "This isn't right! " I am better than this" (despite evidence to the contrary, lol.) " This isn't the way it should be!!!!" And I suffered with those thoughts - I have a thinking problem!!! Someone once told me that my emotions are an indication of how well I was working my program. I knew I was powerless, but I was stuck after that. I stayed angry at God for a long, long time after my divorce.

When I finally said, " Thank you God, I trust you"... things started to change. When I became humble (teachable) things got better. The self-pity began to disappear.

AA's 12x12 on step 12 talks about not putting the cart before the horse, that the spiritual connection to Higher power must come FIRST... before all the other things like money and a new relationship.... So, my sponsor kept telling me I was in step two for the longest time, that I needed to work HARD at establishing that relationship. It's always there, of course, I am the one who wanders away in self-reliance. But I have learned that my way.... did not work. I stayed a victim. I stayed stuck. I had to develop the courage to change.

-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 20th of June 2011 02:23:34 PM

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Glad, I got so much out of your post today.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"