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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Moving along
Post Info TOPIC: Moving along
Jennifer


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Moving along
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I have been taking the next right steps in dealing with reports and doctors, using a lockbox, changing the locks, thinking logically about who has ever had access to my keys, telling my moostiff how glad I am he did not bite whoever it was in the butt because I would rather wonder forever than have him get into trouble J

Besides my frustrated post here my reactions were really good. And I am not really even interested in knowing the whos whys and so ons I just want to live my life, summer session has started off with a bang and I need to be in top form in order to have the best shot at my long term goals. But I am having some trouble with regret and sadness that I spent so much of my life not doing the right thing for me. The times I stood in the pawn shop and turned down the owners offer to start the theft charge routine on my exAH, the years spent trying to be one step ahead of losing everything, the time I spent being loyal to my vision of potential the question, how did I ever lose my sense of right for me, keeps running through my mind. I feel I had done real forgiveness of myself on these issues before but I am getting a new understanding of what is meant when I have heard people speak of being held hostage by the disease. This will take me some time to think about and let go of. Thanks.

Jen



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Debilyn


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JENNIFER!What are you talking about!? Did you get broke into? Were you home? What happened!

I don't see a post anywhere about this?

I am glad you are taking all precautions to protect yourself, but pm me please or explain!

You know you are a special person to me! love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Otie


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Dear Jennifer, I hear what you are saying. 

I think that most of us get disconnected from our outhentic selves when we are still young and are in survival mode against forces that we have no voice or control over. Maybe this is true for you?

In my experience, when we recognize the loss of something that is dear to us there is a natural "grieving" process that we go through.  Anyone who has grieved will testify that grief has it's own time frame.  We don't just say "I forgive myself", and, snap-snap--and it is over with just like that.

Remember, when our boundries are trampled on as a young person who can't fight back it is not our fault that it happened. 

You know, my mother is 90yrs. old and she is now grieving something that she felt she lost many years ago.  She didn't stand up for herself when she should have.  I think that she just recently came to that awareness!!

These are my thoughts on it.  Hop it might be helpful.

Sincerely, Otie



-- Edited by Otie on Sunday 19th of June 2011 06:20:10 AM

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Jennifer


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Hi Deb, everythig is ok. In my last post I spoke of my finding my medications had been tampered with. There is no sign of having had a break in or anything else disturbed in my home. I don't have any more answers than that, but instead of being the super investigator I had always tried to be when those things happened in my past, this time I am trusting that everything I need to know will come to me in it's own time. Either way I am doing the next best thing, one step at a time

Which leads to

Otie, thanks for that share. I guess I have this idea of a checklist in my head ... grief .. check, fogiveness .. check and am surprised when the task comes back around. I am not sure why it surprises me especially when I am in the process of something that shows the contrast how I once lived my life versus how I am trying to live my life. I underestand your words on disconnecting. I put me on hold and became a part of "we" pretty young and did not have any understanding that 50% or more of the time I was "weing" with the disease not my exAH. Have to think about that some more too. OK, so my super investigator self is not gone or even entirely in check but at least I am investigating me and my motives LOL By the way my grandma, like your mom, gives me hope that I will continue to keep growing as long as I can!

Jen

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tommyecat


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I too thought your home was broken into. I am so glad to hear that was not the case and you are safe with your little puppy there. :)

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Debilyn


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I don't know, but there are some sicko's out there. Hon I would be afraid for you to take any of that med!

Some idiots will do stuff just for the attention, wait for the big show on the newspaper.

This is my thing too, I have all these dogs but if anyone tried to come into my house, or get on my property I would be protecting my dogs! geez. I don't leave them out when I go either.

After this move and people came on my propery and stole stuff, that was what it was, just stuff. I honestly don't care much for stuff anymore at all. I am like you, I want my animals safe, and me. probably in that order too!

Lotsa hugs, and put bells on your doors and windows girl! I have found some really neat ones in my time.

Even if no one is home, theives don't like noise. Plus you can teach the slobberbox King to bark when he hears the bells.

Went around and took a few pictures. If I sent pics of all my chimes etc. You would knowI am that crazy hippie lady with 6 dogs and a zillion flowers who lives in the one room cabin!

Hugs! debilyn



-- Edited by Debilyn on Sunday 19th of June 2011 12:13:07 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
tommyecat


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Deb what a smart idea.  You know I think that will help me as my two year old can unlock and opens doors in the house.  A bell is a perfect solution!

xoxo

tommye



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boymom8


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Jennifer,
I am new to this site, but I just read your post, and I totally understand where your coming from. I did all those same activities (pawn shop, etc.) with my first marriage. I have done the work to forgive myself for losing myself. I thought I was in a really great place - very grateful for my life today and all of its peace and serenity - love my husband, kids, etc. The past was just part of my experiences. Then, in one moment, my ex reappeared to a friend of mine, and the story brought me right back to anger, resentment and the old idea - why is EVERYONE else more important than me? I guess the point is - that I still have work to do. Maybe I'll always have work to do. I am now trying to figure out how I didn't realize that I am still angry. Or, am I re-angry? Is that a word? Sort of like losing 5 lbs and then gaining it back. The good news is that life continues to ebb and flow, and I am grateful for my place in it. Thanks for listening.

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tommyecat


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Boymom8,

Welcome to MIP.  I am so glad you are here.  Stick around, we are a lively bunch. 

Best,

TC



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