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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Rollercoaster
Post Info TOPIC: Rollercoaster
Betterfuture


Veteran Member

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Rollercoaster
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I tried to go to another f2f meeting earlier today but I saw some of the same people that were in the other f2f meeting I went to on tue. I know that everyone cries but I was completely overwhelmed with tears and emotions at the last meeting I was sort of embarassed.

I really wanted to go today because I've been feeling like a rollercoaster lately with my emotions going haywire.

Im still sad that I have not spoken to my AH after I told him to leave and as sick as it sounds, I miss him. no I guess I was expecting him to at least apologize for his behavior the last time I saw him but then again, mine was just as horrible.

Why do I even try to argue w/ drunk people?

Anyway, one moment I'm so angry with my AH then all of sudden I miss him. Am I crazy? confuse



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I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
flopadopilus


~*Service Worker*~

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This disease is so awful on everyone it touches. What made me finally start feeling sane was going to face to face meetings and finding my sponsor. I am glad you are here and I hope you can get to a meeting and find solace in the fact that lots of people break down in meetings and it isn't a place of judgement. That is why I go there to say things that I don't dare to say to people outside the disease who have no idea about what it can be like living with an A. I am sending you love and support!

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
tommyecat


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Better future,

No, you are not crazy. This disease has for me led me down the same path for which you described. I was angry, hurt, I loved him, I hated him, I couldn't the sight of him, I wanted him, but I wished he were dead for all of the pain he was causing our family. All of those feelings were in my daily cycle of emotion...extreme highs, and extreme lows. I grew up in this disease and I found my self smack dab in the middle of it as an adult.

There is a Alanon pamphlet that I strongly encourage you to read. It is called "Alcoholism A Merry Go Round Named Denial" #P-3. I found it so useful when I first started my journey of recovery. It offers such clarity and helped me to understand my part in the process. You can find it on the literature table in your face to face meetings. I'll post it on the board separately because it is too long to post in a reply here.

Take it easy on yourself. I can only speak for myself, but I bet you will find heaps of people on this site who have had similar exchanges as you described above with their AH. You are amongst friends in this fellowship who understand your problems as few others could. Keep going to meetings, post here, you will find the love, patience, compassion and support should you need to lean on us for awhile.

Respectfully Yours,
TC

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canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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I will tell u what my sponsor told me....

Q. "Am I crazy?"

A. Well, I have good news and bad news....the bad news is, yes you are crazy, or at least sick....  the good news is there IS a solution :)

p.s. we have all either been there,or are still there....

 

You are taking a good first step in getting off that wild rollercoaster, by posting here.... A program of recovery - for YOU - is the ultimate antidote....

Take care

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Well I know I felt like I was.

Of course you love him! He has a terrible disease, you would love him if it was cancer!

Hon from my experience they feel so bad they feel they are not good enough to apologise, or maybe they are busy getting loaded.

Being so selfish, they are the hurt one,it was not their fault.

This is what makes it so important for us to look at ourselves and do what we want.Enjoy this new freedom!

Hugs! deb

 

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
danielle0516


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((hugs)) I think we've all been there. I know what that feels like to be so frustrated and hopeless and irritated with them and to miss them 2 seconds later.

I used to go back and forth all the time. It was pure crazyness.

What helped for me when I was sad and missed him was to think of all the crazy nights, the futile arguments, the drunken shenanigans, the mistreatment, the meanness, and just the pure and utter insanity ect... and then compare how I was feeling then (missing him), and remember how much more crazy I felt when we were in the middle of it. It helped put it in perspective for me and I realized, I would rather be sad and miss him (for now) than be dealing with an insane messed up person who makes zero sense stumbling around breaking things, talking nonsense and sending my anxiety shooting through the roof.

I also now realize that when I miss him, I'm missing the person he WAS, I'm missing the life I thought I would have, I'm missing the old nice caring person I fell in love with - and NOT the person he became (drunk, mean, insane), most of the time.

I look back and the decent into crazyness took me by surprise... it's like little by little, day by day, things got a little more crazy, and my version of 'normal' was slowly changing until one day I just realized, wow... this is not normal, this is pure insane. Looking back and wondering how I got there.

It's like that frog in boiling water story others have written about on hear. It goes something like this: If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, the frog will jump out right away, but if you place a frog in a pot of warm water, and then slowly that water gets hotter and hotter and then eventually it starts to boil, the frog will not jump out right away, he will stay in the boiling water until he is really burnt or dead. (hope I told that story right). I really like that one.

Be good to yourself..



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Betterfuture


Veteran Member

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Posts: 51
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Thanks everyone. Posting here in MIP has been helping me so much. Its funny, I never thought I'd be the one trying to recover. I'm glad that I realized that I needed help and thank you all for listnening. It feels so good to know that you guys out there know what I'm going through. I never really had any alcoholics in my family I just had no idea how serious this illness is and how it can affect so many people.

Tommycat, I did get some handouts and the f2f i went to but I didn't not get the merry go round one. I found "so you love an alcoholic" and "a guide for the family of the alcoholic" really helpful though. I will keep an eye out for your post and the handout.

Thanks again. I wish everyone the best.

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I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.
tommyecat


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1594
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I sent you a private message..



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Rora


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I can totally relate to these feelings.  Even after the endless name calling, the insults, the accusations, the neglect of our son... I still find myself missing exaH from time to time and then I think, "there has really got to be something wrong with me".  I liked what danielle said.  That its a good time to gain some perspective.  What did I like less...the feeling of sadness and missing him or the feeling of anxiety, trapped in chaos, trying to make sense of nonsense and insanity? 

It's ok to miss them I think.  I think it is normal.  Because it wasn't always bad.  But deciding to move along forward for me, is about me taking responsibility for my life and for my future.

 

Rora



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