gues id thought she was gonna really abandone me completely,but she called me this am and was such a sweet conversation and i got to tell her what was really going on with me ,,,,female problems,im 48 y/0,hormones r really playing games with me lol,but any ways thought id give yall the update hm i typed the word abondone thats proly 1 of my worst fears is that ive always been abandoned all my life so i expect it to happen,lol how distorted ones head can get growing up in an alcaholic home u learn alot and being abandoned is prolly 1 of the issue we do learn even though we arnt or i had no reason i dont think to fear that as a child but being how everything was alwats chaotic and turned upside down prolly was just i dont really grasp all that being raised in this alcoholic home has done to me and my thinking process i wonder often,but coming here is lifke my life perserver at alot every time i get on here i made this my home page so my recovery is always at my fingertips and i cant forget it lol everytime i get on there u yall r.lol so i cant forget we all need reminders to stay focused on us and the real things in life ,positives in our lives and never nver look back but go forward with our lives makeing wholsome relationships and healthy ones not limiting our selves to just one person thats neg or whatever but get a or work on a wide veriety of ggod ppl leaving out the bad lol weed them out i have to do this to keep my serenity,i just put in for a house keeper to come here 3 times a week i feel like i really need it right now with being going through this and a sick son and all my sister says i oughta be imbarressed to be getting one but hey im just as deserving it will take a whole lots of stress off me i know,cant help what she thinks or dont think ,her issue not mine well im gonna get off here been rattleing on and on,i do that yall can see.sorry.hugs and lots of love to all of yall fotr listening to me with all my pains and greif and im sure ill have more hopenot for a long while that things will start ;looking upward from here ,and thanx for all yur encourageing words and esh and all ,im sooo very blessed to have yall .hugs and hugs ..chinup                                                                                     t