The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wish Linbaba was in my AH's homegroup..... I wish Tom, RLC, hotrod, pinkchip, etc. you know? you ALL have such wisdom - I wish my H could get from you what I have gotten. Egads I wish he would hear all the pain of us enablers, wish he would have all the years of experience offered to him through people like Linbaba and pinkchip. It is so hard to want so much for him and know he will still end up at the club drinking his pain away.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Those are very nice wishes. All those wonderful people that you mentioned could be in his homegroup, but they couldn't help him if he isn't ready to listen. Why some get it sooner than others, I dont' know.
My ex-AH is 60 years old and is on his 3rd round of inpatient rehab in 3 years. After two weeks, things are moving forward for him that I never would believe was possible. Just tonight he again shared with me the pain he knows he created for himself and loved ones. He also shared with me very personal things about his early teen years that he has kept bottled up inside all these years. I now understand him much more. Why did it take him all this time to finally open up? I don't know. All I know is that is painfully beautiful. He needs to acknowledge all what he has kept inside. I'm glad that I listened to my gut and am there for him.
You never know, likemyheart, tomorrow might be the day your husband begins to get honest with himself. When he does, have lots of tissues for him and yourself.
Until then, do all you can to take care of yourself and learn about the disease so you can make the best choices.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
The truth of the matter is nothing I say is "mine" or original, I learned it all in The Rooms of AA, from Joe and Charlie, From my old Grandsponsor that got sober in 1942, from Alanon, Coda, from The Big Book, from Melody Beatty's Books, Pia Melody's books, John Bradshaws Books, The 12 and 12, Siddhartha, A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield....and in the meetings I go to when I go home (the bay area) I hear shares that leave me in awe, that make me realize that as Mike says in "Stranger in a Strange Land", "I am but an egg"
I aint the water, none of us are, we just the hose funneling the information on from those that came before us
Thank You so much though, I know exactly how it feels to listen for a loved one, and wished they got it, and wished they could be holding my hand so we "get it" together, it's one of the most incredibly lonely feelings imaginable, and strangely enough, the one that got me on the path to addressing my codependency, I was reading "Codependent No More" "at" my girlfriend one night, cause she needed it donchaknow, so I was stocking up on my "I am right" ammunition and I came across a passage that said, "If you are reading this book for yourself you -might- be a codependent, if you are reading this book for someone else you are -definately- a codependent"
sigh....
I think I hit my first Al-anon meeting less then a week later, and started reading all that literature for me rather then "at" her, and that was 17 years into AA...the road is never ending, and fascinating, and a lot of fun...and I like recovered people, I can't even relate to people without some background in this, I'm all at sea, it's like they don't seem to know the rules, I'm like everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten, share, naps and cookies are good, dont be mean, dont hurt, wait your turn etc, and like the "unwashed masses" (normies) are like all in high school, where they have sex in your parents bed, sleep with your girlfriend, lie, cheat and steal, crash your car etc...I don't even have the tools to deal with these people any more....which is the other reason I washed up in Alanon, I moved away from my support group and was living on 30 acres with my family where everyone grew weed for a living, and my family was 3 alcoholics, a junkie and Endora from Bewitched...I was a hot mess when I got here, lemme tell you hahahahaha
I was reading "Codependent No More" "at" my girlfriend one night, cause she needed it donchaknow, so I was stocking up on my "I am right" ammunition and I came across a passage that said, "If you are reading this book for yourself you -might- be a codependent, if you are reading this book for someone else you are -definately- a codependent"
sigh....
LOVE IT!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Linbaba, you're shares are full of life, and the way you say it really capture's this adhd's attention... ahhh how I love to label myself...hahaha...anyway, for sure, I am certain there are those in AA/Alanon/NA/Naranon/CODA/ACOA etc that could be sharing things just like you, Jerry, Tom, RLC, Pinkchip, abbyal, Maresie, Mattie...and so on and so forth...the meeting I went to the other night with 35 people at it, I heard some wonderous stuff....for me, my abf *knows* its out there, but has not yet accepted recovery....I hope that the changes in me may help him want to seek recovery, but I am not expecting anything. I am looking to me now and am working on giving up the reigns to HP... Take care! Keep coming!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Thanks for the kind words. I have never come to this board and not taken away more than I came with. The same is true for my f2f meetings. We are all family. All walking the same or similar paths. All of kindred spirit. Thank you Al-Anon and thank everyone on MIP.
Turning loose of the reigns was so hard for me. I knew it was the right thing to do, so I did it......about a hundred times.......but by lunch the same day I would always take my alcoholic back. HP finally got it through my thick head that as helpful as I was being to him it would be better for me and for my alcoholic if I simply got out of his way.......Did that two years ago and started putting all the focus on me, taking care of me. I haven't reached for the reigns once since that day. HP doesn't make mistakes !!
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 15th of June 2011 11:31:44 AM
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 15th of June 2011 12:31:21 PM
likemyheart, thank you so much for the kind words. It made my night really. It was a long day lol. I wish everyone had the power to recover and that success rates were higher in AA. One thing about AA though...those who do have some long term sobriety are to be found anywhere. I have been to meetings in rural, inner city areas...all over... and have had times where somehow I felt like the wisest person in the world just hopped off a tractor or some biker just strolled in with an aura and shared something so amazing or had such serenity that I was amazed. This happened for me (and all the others you mentioned including yourself) because we were ready to learn when the teachers appeared. Don't fret, the message will be there when your husband is ready to hear it.
Old AA quote: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
