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Its been a while since I have been here.Tonight is hard for me.I had to tell my 2 drinking children that they are not welcome to stay in my house with my youngest 18 year old daughter who doesn't have a drinking problem, while I am out of town attending my brothers wedding for 9 days.It was really hard. I feel so sad.Just wanted to share.
That must be tough. I do not have experience with this issue as my kiddos are too small. My heart goes out to you. I know there are many parents out there in this very forum that have experience, strength and hope on this very topic.
Boundaries are for us to protect us. We put them in place for that reason. You did the next right thing for you and in turn for your daughter. We are powerless over alcohol but boundaries can be put in place to protect us from its effects and the effects it has on others, in this case your daughter. We never have to second guess ourselves when we take care of ourselves first. If we don't take care of ourselves first we can't take care of the ones we love. Your boundary did both.
I hope you have a wonderful time attending your brothers wedding.
Dear megthompson, Hi. I am a mother of grown children. I do have some experience with this situation of leaving town for several days and specific instructions about the house (what was and was NOT supposed to happen).
First, I certainly applaud your placing limits about the exposure of your daughter to drinking behaviors. A good message/expectation for her AND her 2 siblings. I feel that it is very important to be able to monitor the situation. Also, what will be the consequence IF the rules are violated?? I think that providing the consequences is just as important as stating the rules. I am assuming that the 2 siblings are older than your daughter?
NOW, for my big concern. Experience has taught me how strong the bond can be among siblings. Having the mouse out of town with a house at their disposal is an almost irrestible invitation for the mice to play. And they will---and they will hang together---and they will not snitch on each other. They will have the belief that they can get away with it. They will never assume that you might be smarter than them and that the truth will leak out.
So, my solution to this problem would be to get a friend of yours (not theirs) to stay at the house while you are gone (even if you have to pay them in some way). Make sure that the adult is a nondrinker and fully supports what you are trying to accomplish.
Maybe I sound like a hardliner to you. I learned the hard way. Kids respect firm, enforced boundries. They may not LIKE it on the surface, but deep down they crave strong parents. It shows that you care. I am speaking of reasonable, fair boundries that are consistently enforced, of course.
megthompson, I don't mean to insult your children in any way. I am going on the history of my children---and all the others that I have known.
Aloha MegT...good work and now it will be turn it over to HP time cause it gets more powerless the farther away you get. I also wish you have a good time at the wedding and that all goes well as planned. (((hugs)))
