i must be losing it for sure - Al-Anon Family Group

chinup · Veteran Member

i must be losing it for sure

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I am not sure, I am not in your shoes...for me, I forced myself to go on a trip last summer and I am oh so glad I did...it was rewarding beyond belief....

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hon most everyone has fears. I hate hieghts heights? I can see someone on tv and get all icky tight inside. I live right here by the river with steps going down there. I go down to sit on the bench and feel all icky and scared! Its a cliff.

Yet I want to parachute...who is nuts me or you? haha

this is long hon

IT' OK!! You just are not ready and you shared some of your fears. REAL fears. If I lived by you I would love to love your dog for you while you were gone! We treated our babysat dogs like our own. some were foofoo but with us, they ran in the dirt and mud and played, chewed on marrow bones and slept with us!

Usually docs will give you some xanax to calm you.

But that is not the issue, you were being kind to you, I felt you were listening to your heart. We have to at some point in our lives grow to protect ourselves, we know us the best!

I HATE going over bridges. yikes got the willies there just typing this..whoo!!

I undid my seatbelt and wrapped my dogs leash around my arm everytime I went over the river on my way to college almost everyday. And I reminded myself how to get out.

crazy I know but it worked for me!

oh I swear our daughters are good at that bolony. I got that, and my friend in England who comes here goes thru it too!

I stand up for me now. But I use I messages and share experience.

For me I make it clear how much I love my daughter and sprout kiddo.I would just send a letter to him with stickers in it. Or I would call it ice cream only money for him to get him and mom special. (They are organic, low to no sugar peeps)

I draw him pictures. Am making him a book now. (c:

Does not have to be expensive at all. Anything they get from gma is special. I still have stuff gpa and gma sent me.

You know too, I sometimes ignore it when mine is being a bit of a B. She will even tell me NOT to do things or say things. rrrrr I was showing sprout how to put all his stuff in a pile then put one thing away at a time. she says don't help him!

Shoulda thru something at her,lol. Then later, every time, she eats and says I am sorry mom for being such a B. So for me, not reacting, or engaging works.

If I feel she is attacking my person, I will not put up with it. I will say, well my experience is that its ok to attack an issue not the person. Which is true.

Even with A he nor I attacked our person. He "just" said he would burn the house down....gads

Its harder when you are not face to face but it can be done. OH my mother used to send my kids books and make tapes of her reading the book to them!

Off the subject but my son brings me beautiful pieces of downed wood and rocks when he hikes....for mothers day etc. hahaha

I moved them up here!

I know for sure, LOVE is the best fixer.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Even if you are not religious, this is a great description of love.

We tend to be too close with our daughter I think and they take it like we think they are still kids maybe? So they over compensate when we disappoint them?

Put yourself in her place. Sounds like she is feeling needy, that she wants more love for her kids. love that only you can give.

Kids like simple things, a kite, their own funny spoon or toothbrush. Even teens like things like that. They will act all teen ager but inside they know you love them.,

The best thing I taught my grandson was throwing rocks in my pond! lol He says Of Course to everyone. got that from me. One time I called him a butthead. NOT what ya want a 4 year old to say. oops.

Oh I was calling a turtle a butthead as it peed on me. OF COURSE being a boy he has never forgotten it....

Anyway if I were you I would save pennies for postage and send little things.

We can only do what we can right? I like to send my daughter neat socks. Then she tells me mom I really need white anklets for the gym..hooo hummm Iwas thinking with pink ruffley trim,,,NO mom just white, YES I have enough underwear! dang.

so I sent my Sprout those colored soaps you can write on things like yourself in the bathtub! hahaha, squirt guns are always a hit, I wanted to send him an ant farm but daughter said NOOOOOO MOM, NOOOOO animals...lol wow should get me one!

ya know chin, lol, I think we just need to show our loving side. Ignore the bolony. maybe write a nice letter how much you love them, and you will get to a point you can make the trip, that you are working on it. other chances will come.

Besides planes fly both ways don'tcha know All we can do is be ourselves, fears and all. And we pray that that the people we love will love us no matter what! Like my quote at the bottom of my shares.

So I love naked guinea pigs, don't eat meat, cannot sit long, have 6 dogs,my favorite man is in Louisana,don't like to fly,laugh a lot,wear comfy hobo cloths when alone up here, YOU know you are loved by me, and I give all I can of me. if it is not enough for you, well it sucks to be you!

Look what Jesus gave! He taught us number one to love, to love each other, help each other, not expect anything, be gentle, kind,listen,share.

MY belief.

I invite you to sit down and write all the things you know about you, I bet you will love her!

hugs hugs, debilyn Looking for a pretty rock for Sprout! (c:

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Chinup...the program also has solutions for regret and remorse and for beating oneself up. Simple one for me was the self beating part...when the disease isn't victimizing me don't victimize myself. Self love. We make choices and we can change the outcome most anytime we want. Courage to change the things I can. ((((hugs)))) smile

chinup · Veteran Member

hugs, and more hugs thanx ive just learned a gret deal that i shoulve learned a long time ago,,and 1 day 1 day i will over come that fear of flying and going into a diff. culture...hugs chinup

clep · Senior Member

I remember when I decided to take my son to disneyland a couple of years ago. He was trying to kill himself and I wanted to give him something amazing to live for. I was so scared to go to LA with him by ourselves. I was scared I would get lost. The worst part was the thought of going on the rides. I was so scared of heights it was just paralyzing to me. I would not allow myself to dissapoint him however so I had to find options that would work.

I tried all sorts of things. I finally went and got hypnotized for my fear of heights. It worked like a charm and I LOVE rides now. I had just started my program then and wasn't so sure my hp would aid me too well. :) I was still quite scared of going, but I knew I had to for the sake of my son.

If I had held myself in such high esteem and cared for myself in the way I was willing to care for my son, my life would have probably been much different.

My program did teach me about regret and what that can do to me. I learned now not to be hard on myself. That is truly an amazing thing.

Now when I am scared of something, I don't create reasons not to do it. There are many reasons I used to give myself that could have all been worked around. When it came to my child I found a way around all of them.

Now I am oh so aware of my hp like I didn't have before. My hp has things under control. I just need to trust. Letting go has released me of so much fear and uncertainty.

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

One thing that came to mind was the slogan "Easy Does It". Be gentle on yourself. It is o.k. to stay and it's o.k. to go. Make that decision one day at a time. You can always change your mind.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.