The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do not yet have a sponsor, yet I think it is important to share my thoughts with others seeking or in recovery to gain insight from their experience, hope and strength. I just finished this journal entry after reading today's ODAT.
Reasoning resentment away!? What is my motive, my reason for getting angry, for resenting? Is it instinctual? No. it is not an inborn tendency for me to resent. Is it habit? Yes, getting angry or resentful, for me, is a fixed practice.
I have believed, or do believe; I was and am entitled to be angry. I have been given this right to practice the futile art of resentment. I have mastered it without being aware of it. So now, let me reason with myself, let it begin with me. Being human and American, I have been given many rights. For example, I am entitled to drive, I do. I am entitled to vote, I do-sometimes. Let me then examine my motives behind these choices.
Driving, I choose to drive to get myself from one place to another, often times I drive to relax. Voting, when I choose to vote I do it because I am passionate about the measure, the candidates or the office to be filled. I do it because I believe I have a voice. If I choose not to vote, my motive is to save time and energy. I do not research or analyze the measure, candidate or office. I do not waste time and energy discussing it with other; I don't really even waste the time and energy thinking about it. If I do not vote, it is because I believe it to be futile, to be useless.
Now, I replace voting with resent, does it still make sense to me? When I choose to resent I do it because I am passionate about the action, words or feelings that I resent. If I choose not to resent, my motive is to save time and energy. I do not research or analyze the action, word or feelings. If I do not take time discussing the action, words or feeling with others. I do not waste time really even thinking about the action, words, feelings. If I do not resent, it is because I believe it to be futile, to be useless.
It does make sense! I am entitled to experience the feelings I have. I am also entitled to navigate my way through the important ones and dismiss the useless ones. So now I will try to put this new view of resentment into practice. If I can practice the serene art of not holding resentments I can make it a habit
I ask myself, how? How will I practice this new art? To begin, I will stop and think. I am learning to not react to things and just simply respond appropriately. In martial arts an image used to define the position of perfect readiness is "mind like water." I am practicing this in every minute of my day. Imagine a still pond. How does the water react when you throw a pebble or skip a rock into it? The water responds totally appropriately to the force and mass of the object thrown into it. You do not get a tsunami from skipping rocks. The water responds then returns to its previously calm state.
Today's grateful... I am grateful today to have choices and recognize that I can choose to actively seek serenity in each moment of my day.
wow, great awareness and honesty! That is exactly what it takes to work it for yourself! Way to grab the program by the horns and tackle it head on! I had mountains and tons of resentments. I stoked them by being that victim and not making changes to empower myself by blaming others and staying in that manipulative dynamic. Once I did get up, stand up for me and make changes that offered me my own self resepct-- that was the new beginning- I sure appreciated my own growth and changes- with so much energy being wasted attempting to get others to do something- now I was just working on me and it felt like such a huge relief. I was happier and it was working. I soon began developing a relationship with myself, one in which I could now trust myself bc I was not going to compromise me &/or my needs anymore, just to be liked/or any reason- to not upset them.
Yes, you are no longer a slave to your reactions or over reacting-- when we feel it and allow the feelings to wash over us ~ we do begin to get new choices bc we didnt jump up and automatically react. Being calm is better for every decision in my life, being calm is smarter, healthier and better for me in every way. Way to take that serenity for yourself and begin to actively choose to feel better and be healthier. Being right ends up in a fight- being peaceful is so much more powerful and effective. I learned a lot from aikido and zen -thanks for the post, I can relate! kcb & working it!
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Aloha WAjess...You journal well. It is a very good tool and process like meditation, self focus, prayer and inventory taking. I've done it (journaling) myself and I was told that there is something powerful and magical watching my thoughts, feelings and honest awarenesses come from the end of a pen or pencil. It is a growth tool for those of us like yourself who need broader insight. Thank you for the post. With continued practice and again for me, resenting goes from being an impuse to a choice. I choose not to resent any more for my spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health. Great ESH. Hope you find a sponsor soon. ((((hugs))))
For me, I learned that resentments and/or anger were typically from "unmet expectations"..... If I accept that as the truth, then I had choices.....
1. I could continue to be frustrated with unmet expectations (mostly from my A), and remain angry & bitter, but that didn't feel good
2. I could change my expectations of my A - the proverbial "stop going to the hardware store for bread", and that was part of the answer...
3. I could change my circumstances so that I no longer had any daily connection with the 'unmet expectations'.... In the long run, I guess this is the path I chose, but not until I had labored over it for years and years....
Today, if I allow myself, I can still have brief periods of resentment, but for the most part, I don't allow them to have much control or influence overy my daily life.... I like the empowerment of 'taking ownership', where it is up to me whether I am grumpy, or resentful, or whatever...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you all for your posts. They are very thought provoking. I truly enjoy reading them and seeing the ways in which we can all relate and yet tackle our recovery in a unique way. I am SO glad I found you all, I think it was definately something I needed. THANK YOU!
