My f2f tonight was awesome! It wasn't a step meeting and to be honest I think a few of us were a little confused on the exact topic in the begining lol. However it seemed everyones HP had a hand in it tonight! I know mine did!! A copy of The Forum with a highlighted paragraph ended up in front of me to read. The EXACT copy I had at home with the same paragraph highlighted!! I almost fell out of my seat!! I'm going to share that paragragh. "Let go and let god" is still my favorite slogan. God has shown me that when I put someone I love or myself in His hands, He will take care if us. I can let go now - with confidence and trust. (the forum -Jan 2011 - pg.25) As I read that out loud I was covered in goose bumps. I had let go an let god just a few days ago. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster since then. I think now because I had tried to fall in the old patterns and I expected chaos and stress and there wasn't so I created it myself, in my mind. I realized that if I let go and let god, it's not just about one problem or issue, it's letting go and letting god about everything, every min, one day at a time. So I need to let go and let god from the time I wake and continue to let god all day. I feel good. I grew a little more tonight. When I came home ABF called me too. He told me he got clearance to return to his AA meetings (he had been on suicide watch) so he can return soon to his AA program. I could hear the excitement in his voice. He said he was on "fire". I asked him to explain. He told me that his HP spoke to him. (he is attending 3 prayer groups a day now) ABF realized that the ONLY way he will ever be well is by total abstinence. (he had thought he was one who could have a drink here n there and "beat" this) I was so happy for him. He also has been looking at the classifieds for a place to live. He is excited about that too :). He said he of course wanted to be here with me but that's my wish and he will respect that. We joked about having a custody battle over the dog. ABF said he felt he had hit his rock bottom and he realizes that and understands we both have to work our programs and he thinks our HPs gave us this an opportunity to get well and learn. Anyway he said so many things. He has a long way to go but I could see how much he is learning. Part of me started to think, oh yea I'm just being manipulated blah blah blah. I stopped myself. I want to enjoy the moment, let go and let god!! I will keep coming back. I will learn. I will heal. I will detach. I will remain hopeful but I will live for me and my serenity. I will do it one day at a time. Today was a good day :)