The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I am back! I only posted one other time, about a year ago. But I found my way back. reading your post today I feel encouraged and know that if I work the program I too can find the serenity I so long for. My story: Well 1 year ago my AH went into rehab for a month, at that time I was so relieved that he was there I knew he was safe, not drinking, and I didn't have to deal with him,, life for that month was hard but peaceful. when he came out of rehab I was a mess, worried about all the drama there would be ect, had tons of questions no answers, but I posted here and went to Alanon f2f meeting. To my surprise no drama happened and life was good. I stopped attending meetings. Well in April, he chose to start drinking again and chaos has found it's way back into my life. I am grateful for the 10 months of sobriety. I am back to f2f meetings and tring to remember this is a dz and I have no control, easier said than done.
I have a hard time sharing in meeting because I am not sure what to say, the topic is always something I have no experience with as of yet, I just take what I want and leave the rest, the meeting have been helpful and I am so grateful for them. But my immediate questions and concerns are not answered. I know I need to set boundries, learn to detach, quit enabling, but you know what I want all of it now! I am not even sure what thing to stop doing because they are enabling, most things I do for him is because I want to do, or do just so I know they are done( like pay bills, set out his medicine) i have no clue what a healthy marriage looks like. I am so bad a figuring out what natural consequences to his bahaviors are. So I will continue to go to my f2f meetings, and continue to lurk around here and post when I am so moved to do so. I have to and I know eventually I will find my answers, find a way that works for me and finally have true serenity. Thank you all for allowing me to share in your lives.
I too have not contributed yet in the meetings. I find I cant relate to the topic that is being discussed. Keep waiting for my time though. When my AW got out of her first stay at the hospital, I was a wreck. It was much more peaceful while she was there because there were no worries on her getting into trouble. And she was sober too. Now trying to find peace in life through Al-Anon. Just have to keep working at it. I hope you find peace one day. Good luck to you.
One thing I learned last week, if you have a question, listen at the meeting and then talk with people after the meeting is done. That is when I get a ton of answers and E S & H from those with some time in the program...I share when I feel moved to. It makes me feel better to get stuff out of my head, even if I can't say I have gotten very far, it helps me to share what I am going through at the moment and what I am doing to deal with it...
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
As far as meetings go, I would be willing to bet that you have some thoughts/feelings on the topic of the day - it really isn't that relevant of one's experiences - we all learn from each other - new and old - in meetings.... I would encourage you to share what the subject of the day means "to you", and many meetings also encourage you to share on whatever subject is on your mind/heart as well...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha J...I also retreaded...came and then left and then crawled back after my alcoholic wife went back out again. There is soooo much to learn, all of it good and learning for me came from being humble...teachable...listening...reaching out asking for help; "can you help me with this?", taking what I liked and doing it...practice, practice, practice and asking the fellowship to critique me or give me their take on what I was and wasn't doing. Also handcuffing myself to my HP and great sponsorship and never getting too far out of sight from them and the program. Serenity, peace of mind, body, spirit and emotions. It takes time. I also wanted this overnight until I learned that I didn't get to where I was overnight either. Holding myself to just one day at a time and commiting to my desire for recovery more than anything else worked. I don't have to talk. I will when I have something to share that has worked for me and I never ever worry again about being perfect with what I say. It's about progress. Maybe you can ask the fellowship at you next meeting to describe "enabling" as they have experienced it. Ask a sponsor about that too.
For me enabling is my behavior of doing without thinking and regardless of my motive or desire...getting what I don't want or making a situation I don't like worse.
The answer to the question..."So what is my part in it?" hopefully won't be enabling.
Welcome home, glad you found the door again. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
Coffee, You wrote "I have a hard time sharing in meeting because I am not sure what to say, the topic is always something I have no experience with as of yet, ..."
Lack of experiences shouldn't be a problem. In my attempt to work the program; I always try to say something. Sometimes I'll relate to something that has happened in my life, even if it doesn't have anything to do with the A. But most of the time, I hear myself saying something like "Oh, boundaries have always been one of my problem areas. I look forward to the day that I can set an effective boundary" or "amends; it will take me a bit of time to figure out who I need to make amends to. I'm grateful this program exists to help me work things out."
By talking, even just a little, I am making a commitment to the program. And I am starting to figure out what I need to focus on. Plus, people in the meeting like to hear that they they are not alone in their struggles. I feel better (a little) just for admitting that I am here for a reason - I need help with the topic at hand.
Keep coming back, we can grow stronger together.
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If you want things to be different, you have to do things differently.
