The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just talked to my friend. I gave her to low down on ABF and what all happened when I told him he couldn't live here and so on.
This one of the same friends that told me if I stayed with ABF she wouldn't have anything to do with me anymore.
I've shared with her many things that have learned in my recover and she has been supportive and told me she was proud of me.
Well I let go if fear again today. I told her I could not an would not promise her or anyone elsethat I would not be with ABF. However I could only promise myself to continue in my "own" recovery. That with recovery I would gain the tools I need for my life and would use them to make the best possible choices for me. I was in control of my own life. If that one day included a life with my ABF then that was my choice and no ones business nor was it my business what they thought about it. I only promise myself to be true to me and continue my recovery one day at a time.
There was a nervous pause.
She says " that sounds great!"
Simple but I know her ( best friends for 24 years ) and that was all I needed to hear to know she is behind me and now willing to let me learn, recover an live!! We talked more an while it may not be my business what she thinks it feels good to know I have her support. She has seen improvements in me and she has expressed how proud she is of me. I think I have taught her too to let go of control and have alittle bit more faith. Our friendship has grown thru all this too.
I am so thankful for my program, this board and my F2F group. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes and this was my little miracle today. Friendship thru thick and thin :)
Awesome thanks for sharing that ! I have seen many people make that ultimatum to people..... i won't be in your life if you don't do_____ ( fill in the blank ) My son is as addict It upsets me when people assume addicts are undeserving of love or loved ones. Before I found my recovery I got more unsolicited advice than I could handle so I stopped talking about it. Mostly from other parents who didn't have an addicted child. It was always " kick him out onto the streets" as if it would be as simple as taking out the garbage. There is nothing wrong with loving an A it is so much easier if you have a program to work. Once I found the program and people who actually understood this disease I learned such better coping skills than I had been using. I learned not to bother attending every fight I was invited to. Actually my pre alanon coping skill was to start the arguments myself. But mostly I learned to take care of me. All my life I had taken care of others and taking care of me sounded so selfish, but it saved my life and sanity. It took me a good long time in the program to really make the decision that my son living here was not good for my health. Love him always but as I am very sick his behavior wasn't helping. But I didn't kick him to the streets. He still struggles and relapses but he got a job, we talked and agreed his living here wasn't helping either of us and he found a room to rent. He knows our boundaries, he knows never to visit when he has relapsed and is high. He is on probation he answers to the legal system not me. I am mom and as long as we both stick to our agreements we enjoy time together every week. So far so good. I am glad your friend came through for you And for the support you get in alanon Blessings Keep Taking Care of YOU !
