The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Did ya Ever get so Tired ya Just forgot Who & What you were and are suppose to be heading tords? I got my Calendar out, and in the last 6 WEEKS.... there has been 2 days that I did not Have Something on the Schedule to do after, putting in my 40hr work wk... I keep thinking what can I cut? and Honestly can't come up with an answer, the 2 days I got, I did take my kayak out, and spend two great days in nature, but the way I recently feel.. I am not Feeling Grateful... but more Needy...
My Son is Currently in Sports, this week starts the go of him being on 2 teams, one with games 3 nights a week, and one with practice 2-3 Nights a week, which if he makes the team it will be 6 nights a week... and if he does not do both, then his 1st yr in high school he will not be permitted to try out for the team.... I Honestly can say that the parents that have more then one child, My hat is Off to you... Good BLESS You!
I try day in and day out to remind myself... One day at a Time, One Moment if that is All that I have, This too shall Pass, I try to calm myself before my fuse blows, I'm even failing at that one this week...I know i can't keep going like this, and maybe when I was Kayaking I should have been Sleeping... Just feeling Very Drained...
I Wish I Could blame it all on my sons sports but that isn't the reality either, I have Doctor appts, Vet Appt. family issues, responsibility's to our business, and my Home & Family, and currently I believe I am Just on Over load..
I have Spent more then we make here Lately with the economy being what it is with some decission i have had to make, I don't have any regrets on the decissions but they still Hurt the current struggles we are facing... Our Small business has Fed my Husbands 1st Family & Our Family for over 25+ Yrs, and he is now coming to a place where decissions have to be made in the next couple years and he really has to be honest with himself, and what the future holds ... His Dreams he Imagined are not working to his favor, and now he has to re-line his stars & his future, Our Future... Sucks really, and i wouldn't want to be the one making that choice, but I will support any choice he makes, because I know how hard he works and for what...
I am One that I do Not Do well with Struggle, or Conflict when I am the target or feel like it.... but if it is someone else, I can move you thru it like gang busters :( Negative struggle, & Conflict I have 2 responses... Pissed = ReAct or DONE = Movin on... I know i need to work on this, I know I need to quit "Thinking" so much on stuff...Drudging... Sometimes i just need Calm... I Need to Crawl thru my garden & get dirty, or I need to hide in the swing with a good book...Or BE... Me & HP Just BE! Just everytime that chance come up, I'm to tired to move....Sure I Feel better when I Do,... But Energy is telling me I can't... I haven't Tucked Tailed & Run ... But I Wouldn't Mind Tuckin Tail & Hibernatin for a While Either :0)
I Will say, When I hit the Bed, it is Hard, but never long of course... My Husband does try & help me with some of it, but alot of it comes from my Pride of being a Mom... He would take our Son to his games, but I will feel like i am letting him down, and I honestly I Love watching him Play & Hate Missing it... I don't know if that is Selfish or Greedy Or what in that department is the issue... But I Do know ... That for Me & My Upbringing in my Alcoholic Home... ALL I Ever Wanted was for MY Parents to "Come See Me PLAY,.. Cheer Me On"... That Day was Never Available on EITHER Schedule...(but let me do something Wrong & Their Schedules Opened Up!) So I Became a Quitter in school...I don't want that for My Son... I want him to Have the Fun, & Enjoy the Sport, & Have time with his Friends & have a Mom & Dad that is Supporting Of that, Whole Heartedly... And I Feel that is what I am Trying to Accomplish... Just sometimes wonder if I rise my own bar to high!
Funny where life leads when I take the time to respond to it, currently I am runnin on empty, but I know that deep down somewhere I will get that break I need to refeul, and this to shall pass.... And when that times Comes I Pray I am Accepting enough to recieve it... And Grateful Enough to Respect it...
Awww Jozie, I know how that goes with the sports. Those nights I am at games and have been at work all day are so hard. But when its all said and done, and the season is over, I really enjoy the quiet moments even more :) Take care of you! maybe you can bring literature to look at while he is practicing? Something I do, bring a book to read to keep me in the moment ;)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
No one is happy if mom is run ragged- I know seeing my mom do that taught me to sacrifice myself to the bitter end and push me to do more then I could- and if I neglect myself - it hurts everyone around me. They cant meet my needs and it hurts them when I dont value me and put me first too. I realize as a mom, this is a delicate balancing act.
I also hear you saying that you wish your parents could have been there for you- only you can accept that past and resolve to forgive it- bc running you ragged wont make up for that gap or piece within you that still deserves to be healed and freed of the mistakes in the past. Clearly you are involved, engaged and love supporting your kiddo ~ please take time out to prioritize YOU. Meditation and quiet time, just being with HP/god is my single favorite thing to do and when I do- I get rejuvenated and rewared in so many ways. Stop being super human and merely enJOY being the human you are- not a robot running ragged. Give yourself permission to be tired and rest some.
I used to not be on my own list- I put everyone else and their needs on mine but I didnt even register on it anywhere. I did not know how to give value, resepct and love to me- I started with gentle & kind. Take an hour or 30 minutes a day to be disengaged with everything and everyone else- and be engaged and pugged in to YOU and your HP. Bc that bit of time and "program work" pays you back in so many ways -- when we rest up and are calmer bc we feel the feelings and let them go-- I found that is when I get answers and new choices I had not yet discovered or thought of. I have to relax, be nothing but connected to my HP- allowing HP to show me how to love, honor, nurture myself to be the best I can be within, so I can tend to the ones I love and be a positive role model for coping and thriving in program and life - if for no one else - but me. Bc when I do my best, my best gets a little bit easier. When I embrace me as a human being and not a human doing- I can forgive me when I have too many expectations on me and let some more go. Continue to learn about what surrendering is & what being human is. It is okay to take some time out for you. When we get rejuvenated, we get more peaceful and that helps no matter what situation you're in.
Life marches on unapologetically with or without us, so embrace the peace that you seek- it is within. You are clearly a great and loving mom, dont doubt yourself about that. I think being honest makes a mom great too, it is okay to show you are human once in a while. I am sure your kid only wants you to be happy and peaceful~ just like I wished for my mom's life. Take extra special care of YOU!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Oh how I relate to this. My 13 year old plays soccer, has guitar lessons and youth group. Her schedule on top of mine is crazy and I have a 3 year old. Sometimes I get the ragged feeling coming on too. I have learned to cut back a bit out of necessity. I am going through a divorce and I have learned to get my exAH to drop off or pick up from practices, of course I am at the games and I have 1 morning off a week that I take my little 1 and watch a soccer practice, but I know that my oldest knows I am there when and if she needs me. Through counseling I learned I had to back off alittle and not smother her. I had been trying to make up for her childhood not going to my plan as well as my childhood of dysfunctional junk. I think we get along better since I have backed off and give myself a couple more free nights of not running around like a mad woman. You will find your groove, it takes awhile to let the pressure off of ourselves sometimes. My cape fell off when I wiped out falling off my pedestal awhile back, haha. Now I realize when I am trying to take on too much and be a superhero most times and can back off and find the relaxing down time I need. Being a parent isn't easy and it sounds like you are trying hard to be a great one, which I applaud! Just take care of yourself too!
-- Edited by flopadopilus on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 10:51:45 PM
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Thank you all for responding... I have really been trying to let some things go, and for me that is Progress, but I can tell ya I have not yet come even close to "Letting Go" of alot of it... Just in the Last 2 wks, I have been blessed with a new granddaughter, a 4 yrs old dog that is not house trained but is doing SOOOOooo much better since I got her to the vet, and meds for her... She has only had 1 acciedent in 3 days, so that is DEF improvement from day one that she had 5....Our Business currently went from dead to ALIVE in 2 wks, and that is mainly because of the heat wave... But I will not complain for it keeps the lights on... I did this weekend get some MUCH Needed down time, and I will share with ya's prob tomoorw :) Currently I am getting ready to head to my Mom in laws and help my boys get her yard mowed, and if all goes smoothly I hope to be sitting in one of my F2F come 8 pm ;) Its been over a week and its time to get back to being Me, and let the rest take care of its self it that is at all possible :0)
So thank you ALL for you support... Your Encouragement... Your Love & Kindness.... because without coming here & getting my daily dose of ESH... Lord ONly Knows were I would be, and now because of all of you... I now have my HP on board, and guiding me slowly to Sanity... Well .... At least a little Less INSanity :0) Which is good too...
