Have to agree with the 2 posts above.... meetings will give you the support you really need right now and are going to need from her on in. This is a life long disease for them and us.
I am not an A but have PTSD, I worked very hard not to let it take over my life, went to therapy, was on meds etc nothing helped. I was so chronicaly depressed and having horrible panic atttacks even with the therapy and meds that i finally gave into it and I literally checked out of life. I am not an A but I think growing up surrounded by them I took on many of thier traits. Finally I couldn't even go to work and just to keep our home we had to sell everything of value we had worked so hard for. I watched it all walk out the door. We were able to keep our home just barely. I didn't leave my house even to the mail box for over a year. All this time also watching my son sink into his addiction without the energy or will anymore to try and stop him, but in hindsight i couldn't have stopped him anyway. Lost my insurance so with that lost therapy and meds and sunk deeper into my own little world. I am sure my husband ( who was trying so hard to keep it altogether ) would have had me commited if we had the money. It was the most miserable time of my life, really worse than death and I look back at it now and am horriffied at my behavior. But I seriously just checked out of life period. I wasn't angry, didn't throw tantrums etc I was literally a shell of a person. Our daughter moved home for a summer with the hope she could "tough love" me back into reality and i really wished she could have changed things but she couldn't and all it accomplished was she packed her bags and moved out vowing never to return. And she hasn't. My beautiful girl whom was joined at the hip with me all her life let me know quite clearly "her mother" was gone, she had done her grieving and was moving on with her life. You'd think that would have snapped me out of it but no. Depression is a very serious disease. I know it tore my family apart.
Finally I was lead to Alanon. I had no faith that there was any help for me what so ever I felt i was broken beyond repair. Boy ! I was so wrong. This program gave me my life back. I found people who understood, people that helped me slowly but surely dig myself out of the deep dark hole i was in and the harder I worked it the better I got. It took work and dedication it still does.... I know what is waiting for me should I ever decide to leave the program, back to a life worse than hell.
Is my life perfect? Nope My son is a struggling addict, my daughter has disowned me ( but I know now that all things are subject to change ) My husband is a good man who saw me through the worst time of my life. But now I am gratful to wake up in the morning instead of wishing god had taken me during the night.
I know this isn't a very upbeat post........ the point I am trying to make is this. You don't have to keep living the way you have. There is a better way, there are people who will help you because of the ones that helped them when they were in desparation. There is a miracle out there with your name on it just waiting for you to reach out and grab it. Alanon has done for me what no therapy, no medication or even my loved ones could do for me. My husband is eternally gratful he has his wife back. My son although an addict is gratful to have his mother back.
Please find meetings in your area and run don't walk to get there. You can't imagine how the program will work miracles in your life. And your children are young, you will learn new and healthy coping skills to help them as they grow to learn how to cope with thier dad's disease.
If I had a do over I would have been at any and every alanon meeting that i could find in order to teach my children better coping skills. While we made sure our children did not grow up around addiction the coping skills my husband and I had growing up with the disease were dysfunctional and we surely handed those down to our children. Hope any or all of this made sense to you as to the urgency that you to get to meetings.
Blessings to you and your babies