I still struggle with the concept of aism being a family disease.  My exAH's aism/addiction was convert and hidden even from me until about 48 hrs before he went to rehab. Obviously a lot of denial, coping and survival skills were in place for me.  My daughter was 10 when our family blew up.  Initally she raged and worried incessently about her dad. At the same time, she denied she was affected and was very defensive, particularly about him.  Many attempts at counceling, both family and individual failed, for the denial coupled with good social skills had the counselors convinced there was nothing wrong.  So, inenvitably we stopped, for it was too much work to get her there when I was the only person who even thought there was a need or value. 

It has been hard for me to in that my exAH is now sober and works a diligent program (almost 4 yrs into a diversion program).  At the same time, he lives with his A (supposedly sober) g/f.  Since the aism isn't active, I have had a hard time knowing how to address the family disease concept.  I don't want to suggest or make a problem when there isn't one.  At the same time, my kids have obviously been affected, and  I really have no idea how the other household works. How can living with 2 recovering As be "normal" for my kids?

Anyhow, fast forward 4 years later.  My daughter still has anxiety, but her maturity and our relationship has grown and changed enough that she is voicing and acting out her anxiety.  Driving me nuts as she has a fear of bad things happening to her family, and natural disasters.  She unplugs everything, including lamps and everything in my room, everyday. When she leaves, she will tell everyone "I love you" and do so repeatedly until she feels heard and satisfied. Lots of I love you texts, and upset when she doesn't get responses.  She talks about her swirling negative thoughts and how they defy logic and she cannot make them stop. Again, refuses therapy.  So, one day, on a whim, I read to her from Courage to Change ( I think about worry) and talked of how even though her dad doesn't drink anymore, the trauma of what our family has gone through, including the divorce, has affected everyone.  Then I suggested Alateen.  I was shocked when she agreed to go. 

So we went last night.  She tried to back out, but I had it all planned out that she really had no choice.  A really great thing about it too is that it offers me another meeting that goes on in the same building at the same time, which I need so much.  Her greatest reservation was that there would only be a few kids and she would be a focus of attention.  When we got there we stoppped in the hallway when we saw there was only one adult in the room.  I could see the look of panic on her face, and then a boy walked up and said to her "alateen" and pointed to the room. So, she just shrugged she shoulders and walked in.  Now here are miracles #s 2, 3 and 4, with the first one being that she even agreed to going.  She came out and told me she talked a lot, she wants to go back, and wants a daily reader.  Wow.  I asked her if she thought the meetings could help her with her anxiety and she said yes.  Truly a response I never would have predicted. Honestely, this kid is a hard sell!

On our way home she was chatty and happy. We stopped for frozen yogurt.  The meeting is 30 minutes away, and I am not sure how I will swing it when summer is over, but for now I think I can make it work.  So, this will remain my focus and happy thought for the day.  Hopefully, it will keep me sane as I work VERY HARD to keep my focus off and away from my 17 year old son who needs to "figure it out".  Everything passes, and today is a new day. Gonna work on remembering that.

Blessings,

Lou