The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been around alcoholics (recovering for the most part) for all of my life. I participated in Alateen when I was younger and seemed to push away from it- so hard- as I got older. Looking back at it, I believe my intention was to break the cycle without having to be "one of those friends of Bill or Lois W." I can say with 100% certainty, I WAS WRONG!
At the age of 29, I have found myself smitten over my alcoholic. From the beginning, our relationship has been intense. We fell hard- and fast! About a year ago, he entered into inpatient treatment for the first time in our relationship. This followed a rapid spiral of events that began about 5 months prior.
When we first started dating, the drinking did not bother me much, we drank a lot together. Then, as I found my warm, cozy, very familiar co-dependant bed- I lied in it. Slowly, I am trying to pull the covers off and get out of bed! I know in my heart there is an amazing world outside of this bed for me!
Last week, my alcoholic returned from inpatient treatment. He entered into the relapse prevention program. I did not visit him once and did not participate in the "family" portion of the treatment. I believe we both felt that this most recent stint was something he needed to see, he could do on his own.
He has now been home for five days. We are both trying to establish our own routines and I think our routine as a couple. I am trying to learn to be supportive without crossing that oh-so fine line of enabling. I am trying to work my program, operative word being trying!
Thus far, I have determined that everyday, at times every minute, is very different from the next. I have feelings I am not able to identify, and quite honestly, have no idea how to make this transition from "survival to recovery!"
Any ideas, thoughts, advices, grains of wisdom would be much appreciated!
Alateeners rock!!...Have you transitioned into the "other" room yet Jess? the Noner room? Sound like you're qualified and then only you get to be responsible for your own recovery. Alateen was marvelous for me as a sponsor for a long time. I learned a ton in that program without doing much more than listening and participating in conferences and groups from Central CA.
It's good you have the exposure and experience and now the question...Now What? I have to smile cause that is one of the pokes my sponsor use to give me when I went into reverse or neutral in my recovery and got that clueless look of my face again.
So what's next Jess? Where's the nearest meeting at and when do you get there?
Jerry, thank you for the response. Yes, I have crossed-over I began Al-Anon about six months ago, did not find what I was looking for in the meetings near me. My qualifier began drinking again, and I felt I could not go. Sadly mistaken, that is probably- correction, was, a time I needed to be learning these tools the most!
As you can gather, I am somewhat of a stubborn person, so I thought, like many things, I could do this on my own. WRONG!!! I have been in search of meetings and groups that I feel like I fit in with and can give and get something from. Unfortunately, in my area there are not a lot of meetings, and the few meetings there are, are attended by most of the same people. Although, they are very nice people, most of them are older and have a tendency to take over the group and make themselves much of the focus. I have found that counter productive for me.
Like I said previously, I am experiencing a lot of emotions that I can not even identify. I would like to find someone that can work through the steps with me. I had asked a woman to be my sponsor, we seemed to get along well and I was usually able to relate to what she shared. However, he idea of sponsorship was to hand me a blueprint and tell me to fill it out. I asked for more direction and got...start where you want...just finish it and then we'll talk. THAT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME. I wanted to start with 1 and really work my way through them gradually.
I did just attend my first ever phone meeting. I was great! I had an ah-hah moment during the reading. I knew my father was an alcoholic, like most of the men in my family were, but today is truly the first day that I am realizing that it did affect me.
So now, Jerry, I am off to another meeting. Thanks, again.
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