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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> We've just scraped through, and now start the sobriety journey with Antabuse...
Post Info TOPIC: We've just scraped through, and now start the sobriety journey with Antabuse...
Brooke


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We've just scraped through, and now start the sobriety journey with Antabuse...
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Hi, I am new to Al-Anon. Just learning and relieved for the help available. Im 40yrs of age, and we just had our 20yr wedding anniversary. We've two sons, 11 and 3yrs. The last 9months have been a nightmare. My husband started drinking to avoid his unbearable feelings, and apparently my anger toward him. I struggled working fulltime, looking after the boys and running the home, while seeing him sit and relax after he got home from work and for the whole evening, drink to "check-out" as I call it,  because he couldnt bear his feelings, drinking away half a bottle of spirits a night that we couldnt afford, while I felt like a solo mum taken for granted and dumped on. We have argued lots, he got angry and slapped my face a couple of months ago- which he regrets. After he was being argumentative at our son, I called his Mum, and he moved out for a few days. Four days later he stopped in at home. That night he tried to commit suicide, that was only a month ago-he was devastated that my parents knew of the slap so that was the last straw to him, I knew from his txt that he was in a bad way, so I went back to our house, saw empty pill bottles,and called an ambulance as he'd taken about 14 benzoes and a heap of alcohol. The hospital let him go the next day! He stayed at his Mums - tough as his sister is a recovering alcoholic though doing very well now, but she was staying there too.This rocked her world also - a blessing though is her desire for alcohol has gone because of this horrific event.  Now, we are going to separate counselling, mainly discussing our feelings.  The latest is, we didnt go out on our date for dinner Saturday night as he was angry and upset at me - but I was only trying to help. He'd made a promise to also take our son to the pools but my husband didnt want to go and felt pressured, so I suggested he could cancel and apologise to our son for letting him down. That didn't wash well. Then he didnt want to go out, he went up to the bedroom to go to sleep early, and said we were back to "square one".               I'm concerned that he could turn back to drinking again in time when things get too much for him, as he's said a few times that if it wasnt for Antabuse he would be heading for a drink. I'm concerned that our marriage is threatened by all of this, on top of our own issues, concerned that our kids will be effected more, and that suicide was mentioned before-but I was always told he'd never actually do it.   Things are ok for now, but we cant go back to the way they were. I felt like I was alone in having to feel my own struggles- as I wasnt taking a substance to take the hurt and pain away, and I had to struggle through making all of the tough, hard calls back then, and try to deal with how disfunctional our so-called family life was.  I'm learning, just cant bear the thought of alcohol abuse again in our home and the feelings that came with it...its so wicked 

 

     



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canadianguy


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Hi Brooke, and welcome to MIP... glad you found us....

Your story is very familiar here, as many of us have either experienced similar, or are currently going through it.... I think you will find tons of love and support here...

Your hubby is on a path - hopefully towards recovery, but likely with peaks and valleys along the way.... Antabuse can be helpful in stopping the drinking, but won't address the root issues, in my humble opinion....  I hope and pray that he eventually finds his way to the meeting rooms of AA...

There is a wonderful old saying: 

"He will either drink, or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?"

Time to choose recovery - for YOU....  Posting here is a great start.....  reading great books on this is another positive.... getting yourself to as many Al-Anon meetings is another wonderful thing.....  You are not alone anymore - there are tons of people, like those of us here, who know & understand what you are going through...

Please keep coming back

Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
DadtoCandE


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Hi Brooke,

Al-Anon is a good place for you.  The one thing I have learned and it is still fresh is that alcoholism is a progressive disease, and the recovery is progressive as well.  Get ready to be treated like the bad guy for some time, it is good that your in-laws are involved and acquainted with addiction.  You're dealing with a sick mind, no matter how obvious it may seem to rational people, it is common to be protrayed as the villian to anyone who will listen.  It's easier at this time to submit to the disease then to face the guilt. Relapses are common, and sobriety without help is doubtful.  I personally don't like ant-abuse, my wife used it as proof that she wasn't drinking when in fact she wasn't taking the ant-abuse.  However anything that keeps them sober during the initial stages of recovery can't be bad.

I also learned that my wife's drinking really had made me sick as well.  I absolutely became that obsessive, controlling, jealous man that she accused me of being.  I absolutely had placed a condition on my own happiness that I could not control (her sobriety).  I am learning with the help of people who understand how to go about my own recovery, because that is what Al-Anon is, it is not learning how to make our partner sober, but learning how to recover from the affects the disease has on us and learning to be healthy and happy regardless of wether the person we love is in recovery or not.

Brian



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Jerry F


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Aloha Brooke and welcome to MIP from this side of the pond.  CG and Dad have given great ESH and I would like to add to the hope side of recovery Dad has mentioned.  Yes this disease is progressive and without help it gets worse, never better.  The hope part is the Al-Anon help and the Alateen part for your eldest son.  You came here looking for help, support, peace of mind and serenity and you can have all of that whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not in the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups.  We are in 131 countries.  There are over 25000 registered face to face meetings.  Al-Anon has a ton of helpful informative literature including Alateen and when you go with an open mind your life will change...again whether he is drinking or not.  One of the thousands of knowledgeable philosophies comes in the 3Cs...We didn't Cause it,  We cannot Cure it and We will not Cure it.  Check into Al-Anon International and find the places and times where we meet in your area and go as quickly as you can.  Your very life may depend on it.   Keep coming back here also...(((((hugs))))) smile



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flopadopilus


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Hi and welcome to MIP! I am glad you found the courage to share and I hope you find Al-anon face to face meetings and a sponsor to continue your growth. Sending you love and support!

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God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Debilyn


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My experience when they are abusive, is to get my bod to a group to help you deal with the abuse. It's important for you and also for the kids and other family. Strict boundaries need to be put in place.

Also suicide attempts or talk are NEVER to be to be taken lightly. Its a proven fact that kids who have parents who do it, also tend to choose that over other options. So again this needs to be addressed by those who choose to.

Addiction is a horrible disease. People drink and do other drugs because they are an addict,not becuz the world becomes too big for them.  

Tom is right, anta buse is poison, they can drink and be on it,then get horribly sick. I have never heard of anyone being helped by it.

The A has to want to stop, and will do anything to stop. AA rehab, AA for the rest of their life. get a recovery program going with a sponsor.

Al Anon is for us, people who love an A, or have on in our life. We learn that we are important too, that we deserve a calm, happy life without the horrors of the disease. We get well so we can make good choices.

Their disease is so strong so huge we get lost in it. NOT a good thing.

I hope you keep coming back, there are so many people here who care enough to share experience and support you! love,debilyn

 

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Brooke


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Thankyou all so much for your encouragement. It does make good sense to focus on ourselves and start to clean up our "own back yard", it's interesting to hear at first - especially when you've been thinking so much and your focus was on the A because of their many behaviours that were so upsetting etc, and the wrong you saw in them. I am so greatful to know of the better way for me now to deal with my feelings and struggles on this. Humble pie. Its going to help me be a better person to myself, my kids, my husband, and others, to take a look in the mirror and look after myself better, and be more responsibile for my attitude and responses. We're onto a great thing. Thanks so much for your replies.



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