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Phone rang Sat night.....recognised the code as the town my son is in, but didnt recognise the number......let the answering service take it. Message from the police, (Ason) is in custody, court today (Monday). So........a: I know hes alive & b: he was safe in a police cell all weekend. Dont know, or need to know why he was arrested..... I didnt cause it & I cant control it....I havent responded to the message.....I want to & I dont want to... so when in doubt, dont.
I hate it. Things will be coming at me this week no doubt, that I dont need or want. My body is wired with stress hormones. As soon as the rain stops Im outta here for a LONG walk......
Focus focus focus....practice practice practice.....answering machine ON.
Dear Ness, I am hoping and praying that this crisis is an eye opener for him, and that the destruction will end. Hang in there, take care of yourself, use everything you have learned.
Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
Aloha Ness...Marvelous program detachment work. Sounds like detachment with love with a great understanding about who is responsible for what...your son, the police, the courts and yourself. Help him keep finding his bottom and bringing your ESH back to MIP. Yes recovery is progressive and you are getting progressively better. Yes the disease is progressive in the other way and you know you don't have to go that way you can take a walk in the other direction. Thanks so much for your ESH. (((HUGS)))
God forgive me but I check our local inmate listings every weekend to see if my H has been arrested for DUII and wishing he was. Its awful to think that I want that for him - for him to get caught so badly that it shakes him, shocks him into understanding that he isn't in control of anything and how out of control his life really is. But - a part of me thinks it might be the only way left to reach him. Thinks that maybe a DUII would make him go back to AA and maybe, just maybe something would finally click. Sorry.
-- Edited by likemyheart on Monday 6th of June 2011 11:01:45 PM
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Around maybe 8 yrs ago, could be 10.... when his drinking first started to ''bite'' and the police were occasionally bringing him home for his own safety I took it personally.... No one in our family had ever anything to do with the police.....what would the neighbours think....we'd brought him up proper & a good dressing down would sort him out.....wouldn't it? Meantime we will pay any fines, any debt, put food in his belly, clothes on his back and only chide him for his rent which we were always going to get...next month. Yeah I can see you all shaking your heads!! LoL....But we did it for OUR peace of mind...we were reacting, & reacting badly.....through fear.
The first time he was held overnight in a cell I thought I would die with the fear & shame of it all. I thought he would die with the fear & shame of it all. Yes he was full of remorse but a drink would ''sort him out''.....
I bounced off the walls with it all for years....back forth back forth....I got to the stage where death would have been preferable, for me. Something had to change & it could only be me. I didn't want to die of this disease.
My recovery started here, with this MIP family....it's an onward battle, but it's onwards rather than backwards...most of the time! I'm no longer ''at war'''
I can now let it go. It's not about me. I no longer take it ....any of it.....personally. Yes I'm in pain, I'm a Mother watching her son self destruct, but I can now talk to him in a different way, act in a different way. He has full control of his disease. I can remind him of his options and I hope that my actions continue to show him that I love him.... I just wish he would learn to learn to love himself.
Thanks all for your support.
Love & hugs
Ness x
-- Edited by Ness on Tuesday 7th of June 2011 02:51:25 AM
