Yup, in my "other program" (AA) we see that all the time, we call that "getting Sober and working The program"

What's REALLY beautiful is when BOTH partners work a program of recovery (their own) and we get to do that stuff together, own our stuff in the middle of it, recognize and stop behaviors as they are happening, and watch old behaviors and patterns slip away

I got into a relationship with a recovering alcoholic who had 15 years of sobriety and it was like slipping into an old blanket, easy and comfortable, she taught me TONS, some years later I got to get in a relationship with someone who sought out recovery after our relationship crashed and burned in Dante's Inferno, we got back together maybe a year later for a few months, we still weren't ready, then tried again 6 months after that, and that relationship was more work, but ultimately more rewarding in a lot of ways, just tonight we walked through a situation effortlessly with love that left us closer then ever when in the past it would have been at least a 3 week fight if not a break up, she has learned to communicate her feelings, to have ownership of her actions and listen to if I have a negative emotion without taking it on as a "slight" or like "she did something wrong", it boiled down to me saying "I miss you and I love you" because we haven't seen each other too much lately, it's been circumsatantial and she hasn't been feeling well emotionally or physically, and she was able to hear me say "I am sad because I miss you" and not hear "you are wrong and bad because you aren't at my beck and call" you know?

So yes it's possible, and even probable, but the one thing I try to remember, after being in a relationship or two where only -one- partner was actually making all the effort to recover, we are always growing as a couple, my actions dictate which direction we are growing, together or apart, because if only one partner seeks recovery and works the steps that causes as much difficulty if not more then if both partners choose to not enter recovery, does that make sense? like Yin needs the yang and vice versa, so if one gets better and enters recovery while the other remains the same, the yin and yang don't match and go together any more, thank God we have 12 steps too

Those precious times when my sober AH would show up for awhile were wonderul...and deceiving for me. The next thing I knew, I thought he might be able to control his drinking on his own, I bought into his fantasy.  Maybe this time he could. We were happy and enjoying each other like old times. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

My family and friends warned me....but I actually thought of moving home again, and giving up my safe little rented house...then he slipped and slipped hard. Drunken weepy calls, a mumbly voice I could hardly understand, and mysterious cuts and bruises from falling down. I waited day after day for the sober moments.....I'm so sad....All those months of working on me and my new life and I traded it in on my old delusion. Now I'm back to square one.

  Is this the time that I finally learn?

Danielle-- I wish you happiness and send hugs for your future.

Aloha Danielle...great post for me.  It reminded me what it was like back then when my alcoholic was attempting sobriety in the suggested way and I was still having troubles.  It reminded me that I didn't take the focus off of her even when she was in AA and working the program.  I still focused on her and believed that my happiness and serenity was dependant on her sobriety.  I was wrong and would find that out much alter and I was not getting help for it.  My spouse was working a recovery and I wasn't. The chances for success grow greatly when both people, the family, are working a program of recovery, change.  I sabotaged my spouses recovery somewhat by not learning what alcoholism and addition was all about and what my part was in it.  When I felt fear I projected it.  Body language says way more than the mouth ever does and one of the characters in the players on alcoholism is hyper-sensitivity to each other and then reaction.  No wonder "our" recovery was such a crap shoot and didn't work out.  When I project fear she got defensive and confused and angry and all that other stuff I got when I was doing the same thing.  For me today Love is the absence of Fear and the reverse is also true for me.  When I am in fear it is all about me no matter how much I say I fear because I care about her.  When I am in fear I loose compassion and understanding and don't exercise my ability to reachout to touch and apply support.

Keep working the program while he is working his....If you don't have a sponsor yet get one so that you can have someone personal to support you while you are trying to be supportive yourself.   (((((hugs)))))