Death by alcoholism - Al-Anon Family Group

Della · Member

Death by alcoholism

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Della

I am so sorry for your loss and understand that right now you are feeling relief because the pain and uncertainty are over. I lost my son to this disease over 4 years ago and the pain of watching him die from this disease was extraordinary.

. I must admit that it was just as painful to watch my husband die from cancer and when it was over with both deaths, I did feel immediate relief that their suffering had ended and that they were at peace and out of pain .

My pain did not end I am still grieving the loss of my son and always will. One day at a time it gets softer and gentler but it is always there. I am truly grateful for alanon because I have been supported in my grief journey by the loving members of my home group and here . No one told me get over it or it is time to move on. They just loved me until I learned to love myself again.

Keep coming back and sharing

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Della We'll be here for you when the grief hits along with the rest of the other feelings. I've lost more than several friends and family members to this disease and I numb out other than the feelings of hope and compassion while they are alive. Alcoholism is a fatal disease. It can only be arrested by total abstinence and if it is not the progressiveness of it results in insanity and death.

Stay with us and consider the suggestion of attending face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area. The hotline number for the program is in the white pages of your local telephone book. Al-Anon. That is where you will find the places and times were we get together to find support and support others who have gone thru what you are experiencing now.

Keep coming back here also...there is more love and compassion coming your way.

(((((hugs))))) smile

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Della)))
I have not been in a similar situation, although there have been times when I thought my ah was close to drinking himself to death. I do understand your feeling of peace, knowing that his suffering is finally over. Other than that, I can only say that I'm glad you found this place, though sorry it had to be due to this situation. You will grieve in the way that's right for you, when the time is right.The people here have so much love and wisdom to share. I know that this is a difficult time for you, but you are NOT ALONE, you can make it through this. Please keep coming back.

Della · Member

hotrod wrote:
Dear Della

I am so sorry for your loss and understand that right now you are feeling relief because the pain and uncertainty are over. I lost my son to this disease over 4 years ago and the pain of watching him die from this disease was extraordinary.

. I must admit that it was just as painful to watch my husband die from cancer and when it was over with both deaths, I did feel immediate relief that their suffering had ended and that they were at peace and out of pain .

My pain did not end I am still grieving the loss of my son and always will. One day at a time it gets softer and gentler but it is always there. I am truly grateful for alanon because I have been supported in my grief journey by the loving members of my home group and here . No one told me get over it or it is time to move on. They just loved me until I learned to love myself again.

Keep coming back and sharing

Thank you for your reply, hotrod. I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

I never went to al-anon. I wanted to but my partner said he'd leave me if I ever did. I guess he feared it would be a session where I'd sl@g him off or maybe he feared I'd be advised to leave him so I didn't go. About 3 months before he died he said I have his permission to go if I wish. I just never got round to it and now I keep wondering if that was a cry for help.

I was drawn to your reply in particular as since my other half's death. I feel myself being a bit annoyed with his parents. I was closer to his mum than dad (they divorced a long time ago) as he lived with his mum. Maybe his mother and I are at different stages of grief but I do get fed up of her going on about her loss and at times feel resentful at the amount of sympathy she is getting. Why on earth does anyone think losing a son is far worse than losing a fiance? At the end of the day, his future would have been with me and that did not include his mum (she got on his nerves anyway).

Hotrod, I do not mean to offend or take anger out of parents in your situation and certainly don't take away the pain of losing a son. It never goes away I know.

How old was your son may I ask? My fiance was 36 and like you with your son, I watched him die. It was very harrowing. It's a shame my last image of him is not a very nice one.

Della · Member

Thank you Jerry F and pineapple.

Since his death in april this year I have been up and down. I've not cried since he died and mentally I feel ok. I am able to sleep through the night, eat well and hold down a full time job. basically, I've been 'normal'. I think my job keeps me ticking over.

Weekends though I behave like a depressed zombie. I just can not pull myself to do anything, I don't go out unless I have to and just can not get motivated. I vegetate in front of the telly.

It's a phase I have to go through I guess.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Deaar Della

My son was 41 when he passed. He had been sober in A for over 12 years and relapsed. I cannot explain the pain of loosing a child but do know that the loss of a spouse of 25 years did not compare to the pain of loosing a child. It probably has to do with being responsible for the child's life from the very beginning. Protecting, nourishing, teaching, loving unconditionally. My spouse was an adult and we were partners, it was a different kind of pain and I recovered within 3 years.

Your pain is real and I understand being upset over MIL I suggest that you find an alanon meetings and attend. You will be supported and not have to compete with someone who wants to claim her pain is greater

Keep coming here as well It helps

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