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Ok step one : We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
Pretty straight forward i guess...
Well not so much...(I am the analogy queen just so you know this now lol)
If i want to make brownies i turn the box around and read the directions. I follow them and i get tasty brownies. Simple, done, pretty direct and end of question.
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.
well that isn't on a box and I cant turn it over for directions on how to do this. I'm imagining it is different for everyone but I just don't know how to apply this step and "make my brownies". I have spent a lot of time alone thinking about it and how I can apply to my life and things that have happened in my life. Beyond that what do I do?
Im not trying to come off as an air head here but very sincere.
How have you worked the first step? Do you have suggestions? What did this first step mean to you and when did you have that Ah-Ha moment?
I'm looking for directions. There are a million ways to get next door and i will find mine but not sure of any of the ways to get there.
I admit that I am powerless over my AH and my life became unmanageable because of that powerlessness - That was my first step, still is. Alcohol is not my "powerless" issue, it is my AH - I cannot control him, I cannot make him stop, I have absolutely no power over his decision to intake alcohol or not. What I DO have power over is what I choose to live with, what I choose to do.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I am still trying to get this step and I am sure I will be for the rest of my life 're-working it' _ I think what I love about your post is the honest realisation that there is no perfect box, no set of directions to simply follow and everything will work out right....that for me is the powerlessness in step 1.
Realising that I certainly don't have that set of directions and that it is only from looking outside of myself, out of my own head and learning from others who have gone before me with this disease that I'll get anywhere and that anywhere won't be about controlling or stopping the drinking - the anywhere will be about finding my own peace & serenity.
There is no perfect recipe - otherwise the disease wouldn't exist, it wouldn't be as horrible as it is and we wouldn't be here I guess. But that doesn't mean there is no hope. Letting go of the need for a set of instructions for things to work out perfectly. Letting go but still seeking direction - but outside of 'that neat little box' of what I call 'control'. Perhaps from a higher power?
Don't know if this helps in anyway and your question is far from a 'silly one' it is the very questions to be asking as you work step one. All the best.
I think at the base of working each step is that we must be ask ourselves HOW- honest, open minded and willing-- these are the tools you need to apply. We get upset when we dont merely accept life on life's terms- I certainly never learned to take things at face value before- no, I always had to put my own flavor and spin on it to make it fit what I knew- which was chaos, emotional insanity and emotional dysfunction.
If you dont feel that step one speaks to you- try exchanging the word alcohol for other people- I am powerless over other people, I am powerless over my emotions -- I used those two early on bc that was true for me-- my emotions & subsequent emotional reactions ran my life and motivations. I felt doomed and trapped, imprisoned by my feelings and I was truly powerless over so much more than I wanted to admit.
It took me two years to come out of denial in program. I was still controlling othrs and being manipualtive and I didnt see it clearly. It helped me to stop asking adults questions - I sat back and allowed them to share with me, what they wanted and practised not interfering with their plans, choices or feelings. Try no questions for a week and see if you dont get some enlightenment on how often you are attempting to control others, their feeelings or a particular outcome.
Again- all the steps require us to listen, drop what we know and open up to something brand new and different. EAch new moment- I can try to apply something and see the results it produces. Alanon only has to work for me -- and YOU, so you try it and see what works for YOU. Recovery is self discovery! Welcome to the beginning of your new life and the start of grasping your own miracle ~ YOU are worth it and more!
No matter what happens in program- we can always go back to step one and accepting powerlessness- when it comes to realizing what we really can change and what we cannot. Acceptance is the key to my serenity, let that begin with me accpeting me.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I remember when I began working the steps with my sponsor she said " are you powerless over other people? "has your life become unmanagable?" and I began this long winded answer Blah Blah Blah on and on and on (because I had done ALOT of thinking about these questions!!) ...... and she interupted me and said "It's a yes or no question" period. I have to remember that I have a "thinking problem" (instead of a "drinking problem".. get it? :0). Over thinking everything and analyzing everything that had ever happened to me played a big part in how I got here to begin with. Life is not as complicated as I used to think it was!! I'm constantly reminding myself not to over think.
I'm reading a great book called A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps by Stephanie S Covington, Ph.D. and it says:
" By taking the first step, we regain the power to decide for ourselves. We can choose whether we want to continue to try to control the things we can't, like our addictive cycle, or control the things we can, like our participation in recovery. By admitting our lack of control over our addictions, we empower ourselves to experience a whole new way of life. Let powerlessness be your partner and guide you to a new experience of power. Awareness of unmanageability in your life is a sign that you are on the recovery path. Change is possible, there is a solution!"
This paragraph really spoke to me because I didn't feel very good about giving up my power but when I look at it as giving it up so I can get power back in a new, healthy, productive way it doesn't seem so bad. In fact it seems like a pretty sweet deal!! :)
~Aimee
-- Edited by Aimee on Sunday 5th of June 2011 12:16:33 AM
I finally know that I am powerless over other people ,early in this program I came to the conclusion that I am powerless over alcohol and the man who drinks it . The min I think I have any control other than my attitude about whats going on around me , my life becomes unmanagable to the extent that I loose my life * one more time *. I am a fixer by nature will probably die a fixer but today I know when to stop and allow people to do what they have to do with out any interference from me . I have a friend who told me the only control he has is the clothes he wears on any given day and his attitude that kept things really simple for me .
