The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my a,b/f dont live here i wont let him 1st of all,he says he loves me so so so much,he sounds so sicere like its coming from down deep in his heart,but in the beginning 3 yrs ago he used people for all they was worth he sucked the life out of me almost ,untill i put a stop to it now he lives with his boss and his family and drops by my house when he can ,i cant help but think he is useing me agin as his ace in a hole so to speak,a place to move back to if things dont work out where he is at ,his boss keeps him working 7 days a week and takes out for room and board and all his fines his boss has paid on bailing him out,way over 1800.dollars his boss works it out of him ,he dont never drink here at my home any more cause he knows i cant stand his drinking,one swallow and his whole attitude changes,but he wants me to love him back and asks me alot if im serios when i tell him ,,i love him lol i dont really know but i tell him yes that im really in love with him,i dont know if ill ever be able to really mean it when i say it,we all know that or what a/addicts r all about ,,dont we so should i just fall back into his arms agin?im really scared,and need help with this what a/addicts r really capable of doing to us,he knows im gullable.help
Hi there and welcome. Are you attending meetings? It sounds like you know over your history with your A what he is about. Do you have a sponsor? Do you journal at all? When I am feeling the chaos coming back at me I start journaling all the things I had put up with in my relationship with my exAH and it all would make sense to me why I was not getting back together with him. Maybe if you start writing things out you could see what information you get from that. I don't want to give you advice and I truly think deep down when we listen and hear from within we know what is good for us, it just isn't always what we are trained to do. I hope this helps and take what you like and leave the rest.
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
dear flop sorry i cant spell the rest of yur name,i have been attending alanon here online and no i havent journaled at all ,,good idea ty,ive been in alanon for the last 7 yrs just back and forth i tried the 90 meetings in 90 days 1 time but didnt make it ,i do need yur esh here i still try to hold onto him but want to let him go cause he has nothing to offer but his love and he is very loving of me and careing and says he will go on loving me for the rest of his life ,i have to hold back my tears cause its tearing me upat times i dont know how to handle him or this sit.he fixes things around the house and he has a master mind at that when it comes to fixxen ,a gr8t carpenterand painter and plumber he is good at it all and just not to long ago layed wood floors in my living room i paid for everything except his labor of course and it was a rough job but still can i really afford to just let him hang onto me im or my goal is to gain a relationship with my higher power 1st get to know him before i get into a relationship here on earth agin cause all me relationships have been with a/addicts all my life and im pushing 50 y/o time for me my a b/f is same very age as me ,i feel stuck with not knowing how to handle this sit.not being able to tell him no and how do i really really even know that he aint pulling another one on me .as me being his only ace.
I don't want to give you advice and I truly think deep down when we listen and hear from within we know what is good for us, it just isn't always what we are trained to do.
I can tell you that I know how you feel about your situation. I also know how bad I have wanted (and still do at times) others to just tell me what to do. It can be absolutely terrifying to make such a major desicion and then have to live with it. Whatever you decide you are not alone.
I would recommend going to a F2F and read through these posts. You can compare what others have been through and use the knowledge for yourself and it will help you come to your own answer. It is difficult but you can do it!!!
Keep coming back.
Big ((((hugs))))
Aloha Chinup...I feel sad with you and the confusion. That's not a good place to be at all. Its temporary though. I know that because I've been there and what I learned in Al-Anon made my sorry sick life then change and I learned how to do the program...work it, walk it, not just think it. I learned about love in the program and the definition of love I have to day with me comes from early recovery and from the membership. I learned a different way of looking at my alcoholic/addict wife and the other alcoholics in my life at that time and there were many. In order to have that I had to keep coming back to the meetings and the literature and to keep my mind wide open allowing other peoples impressions and perspectives to wedge themselves into my live and cause me to "see" differently where I was blind before. Confusion goes away more and more with the "AHA" moments of new awareness which is only one reason why I continue to keep doing what I was taught and to listen for more.
Sadness gets replaced by understanding and acceptance and my life became a miracle even while the insanity was still happening somewhere else.
Keep working this...follow the suggestions...get the literature and read, listen and learn and practice, practice, practice. Loving another person isn't only about falling into their arms. With an alcoholic you both could end up falling down and getting hurt doing that. Better he be well sober before doing that. LOL
Make the sadness and confusion temporary...we have better feelings that we can choose to feel than just the negative one and no one else is responsible for them...good or bad. ((((hugs))))
The Alcoholic lies, cheats, manipulates, rationalizes his or her drink behaviors, argues, is selfish, is self-centered, is not trustworthy, guilty and the list can go on and on. The alcoholic is a mess spiritually, mentally and physically. The alcoholic is not self reliant, is needy and is consumed by the disease when drinking.........
I have been involved with Al-anon since 2006......a lot of it I just can't grasp....a few reasons I think are because i'm known as a fixer type of personality (that seems to be a hard thing to rid yourself of especially when its just who you are), and I'm also a deep thinker for the most part. I also am in control of my life and my life is not unmanageable. I think for the most part every single human deals with some sort of struggles, and relationships are just really hard in general, throw addiction into the mix.....makes it ten times worse!!! Journaling definitely helps....music helps me, and talking, venting, and being around friends is a good tool to always use too! Take care!
Here's a quote I like:
When the pain of where you are, is greater than the fear of where you will be, you will move
