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Hi - sorry, I haven't been here for a little while. Things have been very difficult. AH, having been told after his last hospital admission that he must give up drinking, eat normally and take his prescribed medication, has done none of these things. His physical condition has been deteriorating before my eyes. It has been so stressful. The last two days he has had continous diaorrhea and then last night he was vomiting blood. Doctor came to see him today and immediately admitted him to hospital. He is in a very poor state. I can actually close my hand around his upper arm he is so skinny - yet he has an enormous distended abdomen. To this day I struggle to understand how someone can do this to themself. I am numb. I cannot feel any more - except exhaustion. But tonight, at least, he is in someone else's care so hopefully I will sleep better.
Thank you for letting me share and thank you for being here.
(((((Tish))))) you're watching the progressiveness of alcoholism and fatal disease. He sounds to be at "end stage" having gone back the "insanity stage". Alcohol owns him, mind, body, spirit and emotions and when I was with the several close friends and relatives who were alcoholic and at this "end" stage the best I could do was attend quietly and pray with them keeping up a sense of hope. Even HP doesn't want this condition and still the addiction demands alcohol always. Look for the good stuff in it...the gratitude stuff outside of the obvious disease condition. When my alcoholic sponsor, my cousin, (he thought he was teaching me how to drink properly at the time) was dying from the disease I went to be with him and one night found him alone in the dark in the bed while the family was in the kitchen, subdued, walking on glass, totally involved in the negative aspects of the disease. I left them there and went into the bedroom and in the dark asked him if he was awake. He was. I asked him if he could sit up..."that I would like to share with him one thing we had never ever shared because the drinking was more important" He said he could and when he did I asked him if he would like a hug and he said yes; and we shared a close, warm intimate hug. He had said in the past that I was like a son to him and actually I was a drinking partner and student and his enabler.
Share the good stuff for him and certainly for yourself.
The next morning, Sunday morning found my cousin doing one thing we had done for so long with a big difference for me. We were watching Atlanta and San Fran going at it in a NFL game. My cousin was the Alanta fan and I have been a 9er for a long time. He was putting up the drama for Atlanta and drinking and I was laughing, pushing for San Fran and having a good time without nary a drink within 12 years of me. He was dying and we were living just the way it was supposed to be for the choices we were making. Guy died from alcoholism 12 years after I had stopped. He supported and defended my sobriety in front of other relatives and friends who were pissed that I didn't drink anymore. He was happy I had found Al-Anon and then AA also maybe because it didn't work that way for him and would not stop drinking. He drank until he died because alcohol owned him and his family with one exception. Thank God for Al-Anon that we can come together and support each other while being supportive to the alcoholic too.
Look for the good stuff and love him anyways (Mother Teresa ESH). (((hugs)))
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and supportive words. Jerry, what you said about alcohol owning the alcoholic is so true. It will own AH until he dies from it.
Anyway, Son and I slept better last night than we have done for ages. I feel much stronger when I have slept well. AH's condition is much the same today but he did look a bit better as he is on an intravenous drip so he is getting fluids and nutrients.
Thank you again for being here, I appreciate you all so much.
(((Tatty))), I'm sorry to hear his condition has deteriorated so. But it's a good thing he's finally in the hospital. Good for him, and good for you. Maybe now you can get a little rest. Please do your best to leave him to HP and take care of yourself.
