The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recently found out that someone I work with is an alcoholic. I have always had such a great relationship with her; and finding out that she's in recovery only makes me respect her more. I love that I can go to her with my issues and know that she understands. It also helps because she is on the other side; she gives me a perspective that I wouldn't otherwise see.
I told her how I was so frustrated with my ABF because he wanted to drink for his birthday. She told me that if someone told her that she had to promise forever, she couldn't and wouldn't do it. All she can do is stay in today. It seems silly that I've never thought of this from the alcoholic's point of view. I always consider myself staying in today and not projecting or predicting. But I never once considered that he can't promise forever, because sometimes you have to take it hour by hour, minute by minute.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share. Hope that this revelation reaches someone else struggling with an active qualifier. It really helped me feel compassion for him.
(((Corgi2))) Yes, I have heard that same thing! So when my abf drank the other night and in the morning started in on woe is me...I said to him, lets not do this, we can only live in today. I didn't feed into his stuff and I let him keep it. He stopped right away. I said to him, its a new day, one day at a time is all we have to do. I love it! Thanks for sharing :)
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Yep! It is so true, they struggle constantly just like we do- it is just a different "end". They struggle with not using, we struggle with not controlling - both of us struggle with owning our feelings and feeling them through.
Going to open AA and NA mtgs helped me to understand what they go through and I got a lot of perspective that way. If the mtg is closed, and you show up, ask the chair if it is okay that a non-A is there (I went to mtgs and they would take a vote if I could stay or not and they usually let me stay to listen). I think hearing some of their mtgs does help us to see that it isnt so easy for them after all.
Compassion was something severely lacking in me for them, and maybe it still is. I am learning about it with resepct nowadays. Our lives are merely a consequence of the choices we make- it is not personal... that helped me, to not blame me for their experiences.
-- Edited by kitty on Thursday 2nd of June 2011 01:48:29 PM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
For a short time, I had somone at work who is a recovering alcoholic help me to see my ex's side of the situation. It really helps. Also, I've gone to a few AA meetings to listen and learn, as well.
It's really helpful to get outside of oneself - strive to see it from another perspective (the alcoholic's) which isn't always feasible, however. But we do the best we can.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
