I tell the truth. I didn't always - for a while I just said I was meeting friends and didn't elaborate. It was true, I was meeting friends. At that point, I felt that my mom (one of my qualifiers) would be hurt and upset that I was seeking help for the effects of the family disease of alcoholism - like, she would take it personally and feel guilty or sad. I've grown in the program, though, and realize that if she chooses to feel any particular way, those are HER feelings. I didn't cause them, can't control them, and can't change them. It is not up to me to tiptoe around and try not to upset her. That behavior is part of what kept me sick.

Now that my family knows I go to Alanon, I just say I'm going to a meeting if anyone asks - I don't elaborate, and nobody ever asks me to, either :).

as an acoa, I grew up not knowing how to have emotional or intellectual boundaries - I wanted thieir approval, so I told them everything almost compuslively.

There are many things you can say, to be vague and non specific - like, I am learning how to cope with my own feelings (in alanon - if you choose to be that open with them)- you can say, "im taking a class for myself right now, its personal  I choose not to talk about it right now.  When I am ready to share it, I will."  Nothing wrong with that.  It is honest and it is vague.

I had to learn to keep my program seperate - family wont agree bc they want to manipulate me or disregard my expereince (to keep the status quo).  Friends dont understand bc no one does, unless they live with acitve addiction too.  Even if they do know what we do through (like family might) if they are in denial, they wont want to hear the painful truths we are uncovering.  Healing is personal and it happens when we are ready and in god's time.  It is not about another person and the issues are usually very blurry bc we dont yet have boundaries.

You are allowed to have private thoughts and even a private life.  You can say, "im doing something postive for me right now" and leave it at that.  If they cant take that answer, they are likely to fight with and disresepct everything else - so why bother- its a fight you cannot win.  Dont worry about how they will take it or not, the less u share with them, the less you are forcing them to confront the same painful stuff in their own heads and not everyone is ready for the truth just bc we are.   It is not about lying- it is about discerning how to stop feeding the drama of the family disease.  the more we share and talk - the more we tell them about how to manipualte us.  Feel-deal-heal your feeelings and then you can share, it doesnt hurt so much when we get over the painful bloody issues a little bit in recovery - then we are looking back and sharing our ESH of how we did it, how we got thru it. 

Heck, you could even say you are taking an exercise class - an exercise in learning how to deal with emotions and cope with life.  This is a spiritual program and it is deeply personal.  The more you try to explain and convince, the less likely they will.  The proof is in the pudding on our hard work.  Early on in my program, I could not bear to hear anything negative about it from them.  They knew but I never talked about it with them.  It was/is a topic I boundary bc this is helping me to cope and feel better ~ and that is all that matters, alanon is all about YOU! 

The day they come to you and say, 'you are so happy now' or 'u are differnt, how did you do it?' then u can say, 'one day at a time and with love and support from the fellowship' or u can just smile and hand them a pamphlet. 

For some reason you choose not to share it,maybe you will sometime.

I used to say things to questions like, "What makes you ask?" Then say hey how about tuesday or Wed. Just slide on past the question.

I know what you mean though. They might start asking a million questions you are not ready to answer.

It is very ok to say oh its a meeting about how to look at some things differently.

Or I am learning about health issues. Not lies, more description of what we get out of the meetings with out labeling it.

Glad u asked! Great Progress for choosing to make YOU comfy! love,debilyn