((( hugs sissy dragonfly))))

You set one booundary, you said "No." and he reacted, he says one thing and does another - this is what they do -- they say what we want to hear (that we are loved, needed and we are the only ones they want)- that is because they dont want us to change, they want that status quo to remain.  They want to continue to be enabled the same way you did in the past.  They react to us changing and shifitng our focus. 

A's are very aware of where they suck their energy, emotions, money, guilt from.  They groom us for a long time to get to find out what our buttons are, when we dont react the same old way - they pitch a fit, a temper tantrum.

The only way out of this insanity to is to stop focusing on what we cannot control- and to take your own self control, self esteem and self respect back.  Good for you for deciding to commit to drag yourself to that meeting any way you can get there - as you do things for you, you will begin to see that you can trust yourself bc you will have your own back and not compromise you for someone else - bc that does not work, they dont value and resepct us for doing everything they want us to -- they are in the relationship with their drug or activity of choice - whatever allows them to feel numb.

You have to decide is it worth it for you to keep enabling him the same old way and continue along in the disease or do you want to change how you feel and think?  If you dont like what yoiu are getting, you are the only one that can change that. Yes, the A tries so much harder to get the same response from us, so they can justify and excuse their diseased behavior/s. 

Deatch with love from his anger or silent treatment and enjoy what you can.  If I went to chat and said I was bored or whatver, they would say, enjoy the peace and quiet, enJOY yourself in spite of them.  They are always mad anyway(right? so, so what, let them be mad-we cant change that and nothing we do will), that is one of the ways they manipulate and control us.  The day you choose to not be manipulated anymore, to not be the host to their disease, but to fight and stand up for yourself, is the day you commit to yourself and your program and maybe you have already made this determiation/choice inside of yourself ~ I hope so bc that would mean your life will never be the same.  We are the only ones that can stand up for us and know what we need and want.  We cant do that for them, and they cant do that for us.

Addiction wins as long as you play the game.  Addiction won when you sent that text bc ur still trying to convince him of somethng he is choosing not to see.  He is in denial and we are too unless and until we get focused on us, changing what we can and detaching with love from the rest.  Forgive yourself for believing him or trusting him, let the past go and begin to learn now about how to love, honor and value you first.  We give them resepct when we do not tell them how to live their life - and we work on our own.  We can show them how we live, by living well and doing our best.   This is all any of us can ask for.

Truth is, when we sacrifice and compromise us for them (for any thing)- we immediately lose our own respect bc we are treating us as if we are disposable and we are not.  But when we act that way and compromise us willingly - we tend to attract others that dont vallue and love themselves first and foremost.  A's find us for a reason, they need us to focus on them, so they can be enabled - if you take their blame for them, then you are enalber for life for them.  Let them fix thier own messes, this is tough love and it is the only way to show them - you are not disposable.  They may leave to find easier enablers... this is a fact.  I was sick of being used and I decided if they were using me to feed their disease, they didnt really love me at all.  I had to learn to listen with my eyes and believe what tehy told me about themselves.

If they say, 'I'm a loser', I dont jump up and rescue them - I say, 'Im sorry u feel that way right now' and put it back on them.  I may even say, 'I know how bad that feels, Ive felt that way too'  -- so I can relate and share and not rescue but feel and own it for myself. 

So, you have the silent treatment! Blast some music, dance around, sing loudly - feel good and do what you can to enjoy yourself and your day.  Do what YOU want to and need to, not what you think others want from you or expect.   Your serentiy is worth fighting for and take no prisoners!  They either follow us into recovery or they go another way.  What are YOU going to do?

Hi Sis

It sounds as if you are taking care of yourself.  Going to the Doctor, getting meds, saving money and coming here to read.  Great!!  As suggested, please try to make face to face meetings in your ccommunity.   They break the isolation and the feeling of being alone.  They offer constuctive tools to live by and the all important  support as you learn

Keep on coming back YOU are WORTH IT