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So.. just a bit of an update. CAS has allowed AH to come home for the weekends, although it still has to be supervised. I was okay with it, even a little happy about it at first. I really needed his help with things. The first weekend was last weekend, and he came again this weekend as well.
What can I say? I can already tell that things haven't changed in him, and that if he were to come home full time, that it would just be the same as always. He will always have/find money for his needs and wants while everyone else in the household suffers. AH told me that he would be able to help me a little financially.. and so he should.. I'm here raising our 3 kids and taking care of the household, it's the least he could do. Well... he got some money.. but while I was out at work he spent it all... all but $10.00 for me to have for gas money.. oh... he did buy milk! It wasn't until today that I found cans of De-Alcoholized Beer.!! Oh my!!! He's not suppose to have ANYTHING while here!!! Okay, okay... it's near beer, less than 0.5% alcohol... but that's not the point! He could buy that and a carton of cigarrettes, but couldn't buy the kids snacks for school!
I do not want him back in my home.. We have court again on Thursday, and he has already told me that if they (the Judge and CAS) does not allow him to come home full time as of then, then he will walk away. Move and start all over. And that is just fine with me. But when I asked him about child support... well... that's a lost cause. He said he would fly under the radar and no one would be able to find him. Thanks so much.. I see now what kind of person you are.
Anyway, guess I'm not really looking for anything right this second, just wanted to write it down, get it off my chest.
I do not want him back in my home - that says a lot.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
((((Evian)))) sorry you are going through this. The delusion and insanity is sometimes just too much. I've been there where I've wondered to myself "what the crap is this life? when did I start living someone else's life?!". What helped me, so much, when I was going though complete insanity was remembering that it will pass, it won't last forever. It sounds so simple...but it kept me going.
If you don't want him back in your home, perhaps there is some neutral place where he can spend time with the kids (if he's allowed to)?.... I know of a woman who had arrangements through a 3rd party to exchange her daughter over to the dad because she did not want to see him. So, they would all meet in a public place, the woman would give the daughter to someone from this agency, then the agency person would take the daughter over to the dad (who was instructed to wait some other place farther away so the mom and dad would never see eachother).
Aloha Evian...having worked in the rehab system and family courts and the like I suggest that you make the courts and CAS also aware of the information he passes on to you regarding what he will and won't do and the like. Child support can be taken from many sources whether he says he is over, under or anywhere near or around a radar system. The government doesn't like to pay a persons childsupport obligations at all and they have all the resources for enforcement.
His responses to you are typical "self centered to the extreem" and "self will run riot" attitudes. Those I have met in honest and willing recovery go after these attitudes because they will keep the person drunk.
The court is a toll. Keep that as a mindset. ((((hugs))))
If he plans to 'fly under the radar' does that mean he won't be even seeing the kids? Sometimes I feel when all this other stuff is going on, it makes it really hard to move forward and only focus on yourself, it's almost impossible until things settle down in life that we can really move forward and apply the 'work on self' some can do it better than others, we are all different, and deep feelers and thinkers really have the most challenge in it.
Jerry- I'm aware the there are several ways to get child support for the kids. One of the things that we have dealt with is the issue of him having to pay support for a child from a previous relationship. His doctor has put him off work until who knows when, and is currently on Social Assistance, and they do not take child support off that. I've asked. As of right now, every payment missed just gets added to the arrears. He talked to the Family Responsibility Office, and they have agreed to not take enforcement at this time.... he got the right person on the other end and cried his sob story.. he already had action taken before, and lost his licence for non payment of support for a year. Again, the support issue right now, is for another child.. not for my kids. There is not any kind of support order or anything of the like as of yet, as we are still going through other court processes. It would be interesting to see how things go on Thursday.
I have discussed my concerns with my lawyer, and he's given me great advice. :)
sdisnie- That's exactly what it means. He did it before with one of his ex's. Of course, all this time I thought... "oh, he wouldn't do that to me... our relationship is different" HA HA
oh by the way... background on him... he had a daughter with a girlfriend when only 17.. when the relationship went bad, he left and travelled around the province with an amusement company. Two years later, he met someone else, dated them briefly, and then found out that she too became pregnant by him. I met him before that child was born, it wasn't until 5 yrs ago when we found out that yes, for sure he was the father.
