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level.
This evening my A tried to (it seemed to me) goad me into entering a discussion which would soon escalate into some form of verbal confrontation.
She'd been drinking upstairs and I was waiting to actually see if she had been drinking, after she'd spoken a few sentances I could detect the tell-tale speech patterns.
The prelude to the argument was over the perceived differences in how I parent our kids - I have an 8 year old with my ex-wife and there is a shared care arrangement. Unfortunately we've been through the family court system twice in the last 4 years. Apparently I don't shout/scold/tell my oldest off - but do tell off/shout at our 3 year old (me and my A partner have the 3 year old).
I didn't really want to start getting into this, there are numerous reasons;
1. Eldest isn't here all that much sometimes
2. I've been looking after youngest quite a lot during the days at the weekend/evenings whilst A does her "selling the kids clothes on eBay" (and drinking) upstairs
3. She'd obviously been drinking so this was my boundary I was not prepared to cross.
Partner tried to engage me into this little prelude to a disagreement, I suddenly had had enough, stood up and announced that I was going for a walk. Got my coat and walked off.
Whilst I was out walking I WAS ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS. I am getting the feelings of resentment again.
Why should I do a lot of the childcare whilst your upstairs doing your eBay thing and drinking?
Why should I put up with this sh*t?
Why should I?
At the moment I am filled with resentment and I don't actually feel much for my A partner. I wish I could just leave and go. I sometimes feel like just going.
Anyway I didn't allow my boundaries to be crossed tonight and came back, plonked myself in front of the computer, nibbled some cookies and waited for a pizza to cook in the oven. I'd be damned if I was going to try and make us some food - most evenings she selfishly eats by herself / doesn't bother eating / eats some crap like beans on toast. So why bother?
I just concentrated on me and tried to find my Serenity.
I just ignored her - she was on the phone to someone, I could detect the attempts at disguising her speech.
It is a difficult road we travel You are doing fine Keep taking care of yourself, do not engage and come here and share you anger and negative thoughts
Hi, It sounds like you did the right thing by going out for a walk. The resentments are sure to come with the anger. Maybe it would help you to write out exactly "why" you want to just go. What would you benefit from leaving. Then write out exactly "why" you would stay. What would you benefit. This is taking care of yourself. Do this exercise just for yourself. Not for her. Not for the 3 yr. old. Just what would YOU benefit from either of those scenarios. Then after that you could do it with the thought of the 3 yr. old involved too.
im in the same boat yur in with trying to maintain my sernity but i keep letting resentments slip in on me seems i get all bogged down with ppl wanting wanting from me that i cant make them all happy.i just decided i had to let go and put the focus back on me where it belongs imediately or i do know that my serenity will fly out the window and id end up stir crazy,anyways i wish u all the best,sounds like yur doing good and on the right path,happy to c u here and thanx for yur post really helped me.....chinup
