Does music.... - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Does music....

Very Very Tired · Senior Member

My cynicism shows when I listen to popular music from the last few decades. Most of the "love" songs seem to be co-dependent pleas for a controlling relationship.

So, I listen to classical music or anything where I can't understand the words.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh my gosh, YES! The lyrics often stir up old stuff! (I've been divorced only a year.) So I rarely have the radio on and when I do, I usually end up turning it off because of old unwanted memories surface when love songs come on.

However, I do love music. I have begun to listen to music with no lyrics that is soothing.

Just yesterday, while shopping at a Target store, I didn't realize that I was softly humming until a couple looked at me as though I was nuts. Is this a sign of not giving a rip about what others think? I like to think so.

Often, right before I go to bed, I do a little soft yoga while listening to some youtube songs that I hand select that don't have to do with romantic relationships. I always listen to James Taylor's "Shower the People You Love With Love." That's neutral - no romance with that, just reminds me to love everyone. While I listen to that particular song, I visualize people who are easy and not so easy to love.

One more thing - I have never liked lyrics that express such sentimments such as "How Can I Live Without You?" Those types of lyrics never reasonated with me; they sort of made my hair stand up on ends. EW..........................!

Otie · Senior Member

YES, YES, YES!!!, Debilyn. I often have to jump up and turn the station. Same thing when my grandmother died. I could't bear to hear any gospel music for one year. Now, I can enjoy the memories of her when I hear the music---but it has taken a long time.

A song can send me spiriling down into a puddle of tears like nothing else. Music and smells, I think trigger our deepest emotions.

I find that I am in a phase where I can only listen to upbeat music and I thrive on comedy. I used to be a heavy drama person (did lots of work in community theater with my husband). I won't watch anything that visits the dark side at all, now.

GailMitchelle, I noticed the other day on American Idol, that the very young audience seems to favor the songs that give you the creeps. As you say, the ones with a co-dependent overtone. They will learn. Gail, perhaps "YOu Ain't Nothin but a Houndog" by Elvis, would be more to your liking! LOL.

Love smile , Otie

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

For certain, I have to be careful what I listen to. I have gotten better at that. My son has shown me some interesting instrumental music and I love it. :)

ythannah · Senior Member

I love love LOVE music and I was always careful from really early in life never to associate a certain song with a significant other because then I couldn't enjoy it again later, after things had gone south. So there are no "our songs" for me.

Seems like I knew that I would end up in a string of failed relationships, lol.

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

Music has always been a central point in my life. And my exAH shared that passion, playing, experiencing and so on. As did many of our mutual friends that I have chosen to distance myself from. There were some songs a long time ago that brought up emotions difficult to deal with but I refused and still refuse to give up some of my favorite listening because of those memories. I kept listening, sometimes obessively and worked through the rough spots, music is mine again even the soundtrack I thought I shared with my exAH is really only the soundtrack of my life.

Jen

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow that was a great buncha responses! Some tender some made me giggle!

thank you! deb

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

I liked this topic deb. Thanks for posting it.

I used to have a tight connection with sorrow or happiness when certain songs would play on the radio. Now, it is strange, when I hear songs that would send me over the edge in emotion I dont have the same reaction anymore. I get the feeling, oh yea I remember, that was hard and then it passes. I am able to enjoy the song for its expression and not whirl in the cycle of emotion.

Perhaps I am detached with love because now I can look back on all of my experiences in gratitude and admire the difficulties and the truimphs to see how they have transformed me.

Thanks for sharing deb,

TC

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

TC I remember when I loved those songs. And would tell my beautiful first husband I cannot live without you. I honestly felt that way.We were two beautiful young adults together.

Romantic, had fun, traveled around,walked all over, both loved just walking. We used to go to the river and dig up old bottles along the sides. It used to be a dump MANY years before so there were antique things all over. We would bring them up to my mother who was thrilled!

Once we took our dogs then picked up a couple more that were out running around, took them all to the river then brought them back! lol

Anyway, the point is, When he died, I told everyone NOT to say that, becuz I fought hard not to die. I was a stick, took qualudes and drank champayne to stop the pain. Back then many famous muscians and actors died from those combinations. I would get in the tub and fall asleep.

My now ex AH had taken me and the kids in. He of course thought the way to help me was drugs. I was as green and a virgin as far as alcohol and drugs. I took two of the sleeping pills he had, drove to town and went into a ditch.

Woke to my dear friend Will carrying me to his car. I have NO idea how they got my car back.

Its dangerous to get that in your head. I didn't do it with the now ex AH. But again it almost killed me.

anyhooooo I get it hon! love,deb

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