Al-Anon newbie in a tough bind! - Al-Anon Family Group

cmarie · Newbie

Al-Anon newbie in a tough bind!

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to the MIP board! So glad you found us.

My ex husband had similar experiences. Very scary to say the least.

Best thing I did 3 months ago was to begin attending Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis.

True, she has to want the help. In the meantime, attending meetings and reading the literature available there will help you.

Many others are far more knowledgable than me. Hang on, they'll respond.

cmarie · Newbie

thank you so much GailMichelle!

I went to my first meeting tonight and I have to say that I was kind of dissapointed. It was a beginners meeting and I was turned off by the fact that it was mostly reading from the main book...I forget what it was. I just thought that it would be more personal and open but it felt very scripted.

Walking out of the meeting I thought that I wouldn't be back again b/c I didn't feel any relief but having been on this message board I may rethink not going.

This board has been very helpful in just the few hours I've been on it. I may try to attend a meeting at a different location until I find the one I'm most comfortable at. Does that make sense?

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Please go back to your beginners meeting , dont judge it by your first visit ,we often go looking for a specific answer and when we dont get it were dissapointed , Al-Anon is a program for living , changing the things that are causing you a problem , its about you for you ,you wont learn how to get the alcoholic sober here thats not what we do . Beginners meetings focus on the first three steps and the slogans learning to live by them takes time but your life will get better. We cannot change other people we can only change ourselves often when one family member seeks help the alcoholic is encourged to follow into thier own recovery . glad you found us keep commin Louise

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome. You may want to find another meeting.Nothing wrong with that. There are meetings here too.

So mom is living with husband? If so I would think it is really up to him. If she got out of control, running around outside or breaking things etc, then the police can be called and then that may make a path to her getting some help.

Its a real hard one as they can easily get to be a real danger to themselves.

We just have no control over what they do. So what we learn in Al Anon is how to look at our own life, so their addiction doesn't make us sick. It helps us to know what we can do.

Please come here and vent anytime.

Sometimes all we can do is call them and tell them we lovem. They have a horrible disease, please don't take it personal, it really isn't. Its the disease making her not herself.

We honestly care here. hugs,debilyn

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Cmarie,

In my homegroup we have different meeting formats. There are newcomer meetings, step studies/tradition meetings, speaker meetings, discussion meetings, and stag meetings. In our opener for the meeting we ask the newcomer to attend six or more meetings before making a decision as to whether or not alanon is for them.

Check out the schedule perhaps try a different meeting format. Sometimes it helps to attend another group too if you don't like the feel of the one you have been to.

I am so glad you are here. Welcome. Keep coming back.

Tommye

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

cmarie wrote:
thank you so much GailMichelle!
I went to my first meeting tonight and I have to say that I was kind of dissapointed. It was a beginners meeting and I was turned off by the fact that it was mostly reading from the main book...I forget what it was. I just thought that it would be more personal and open but it felt very scripted.
Walking out of the meeting I thought that I wouldn't be back again b/c I didn't feel any relief but having been on this message board I may rethink not going.
This board has been very helpful in just the few hours I've been on it. I may try to attend a meeting at a different location until I find the one I'm most comfortable at. Does that make sense?

The very first meeting I attended I didn't care for, either. I was disappointed as well. So I didn't go back for another 6 months. I returned when I realized that private counseling wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I divorced my ex and still had a lot of baggage that I didn't know what to do. So I made a promise to myself to try the meetings a total of 6 consecutive times before I deciding if meetings were for me.

The first several meetings were just outright "weird" to me. On the third meeting I shared as diplomatically as I could my true feelings about the meetings so far. To my surprise my share opened people up more that night. Many shared how they first felt too. I think that is the night I bonded with many of the members.

I continue to go to that particular meeting place. However, I couldn't find a person in that group that I would like to sponsor me. So I attended 3 other different groups within a two-month period. Fortunately, just last Friday I found a group with two women that I could really connect with. One woman has been in the program for 20 years; she's a strong woman; she stood out like a shining star to me that night and she invited me to call her anytime.

So I certainly understand your feelings. However, I encourage you to return to that group at least 6 times before deciding if it's right for you. Furthermore, I encourage you to try other meeting places if possible.

It's best to bring an open mind and listen with your ears, eyes, and heart.

Please keep coming back to the board. There are many wonderful people here.

*Note: I'm not putting down private counseling. It did help in many ways. However, it can't replace what one receives from face-to-face meetings. For one thing, I couldn't call my psychologist just "anytime" as I can a sponsor. And too, in counseling, I used to often feel as though I was the only one suffering from certain challenges I had. Then, when I enter Al-Anon I discovered that there are may who understood me and many who had already resolved such issues by practicing the program. The Al-Anon literature, which usually can be purchased at meeting places, is a great comfort and help, too.

If possible, counseling in conjunction with meetings might be the ticket for many, not all.

So try some more and let us know what your experiences are!!!!

-- Edited by GailMichelle on Thursday 26th of May 2011 11:14:17 AM

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to say I felt much the same way when I first went to meetings. I couldn't understand why everyone was crying at this one meeting I went to. Then I realized that being that open and honest is something I have never been. It hurts to be so honest, and so people may cry during meetings. It may not seem right the first few times, or you could try a few other meetings as well and kind of get a feel for it. Even open AA meetings are an eye opener and I go to one on Fridays. Its all the same disease of the mind, body and spirit, but its what we obsess about that is different...

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

You know in the beginning I liked the open AA speaker meetings as well. They were hilarious and laughter was such a rare experience in my life at that time. Nothing was funny to me. However when you hear the stories of what it was like, what happened, and what life is like now as a result of the AA program, it not only gave me laughter but hope for my loved one.

So toss things up, branch out, stretch yourself a little bit more. There are some really good meetings and groups out there. It takes awhile to get a handle on it. But it is worth the try.

Good Luck,

Tommye

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.