The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a meeting last night with a younger gf of mine. It was a little overwhelming for her, which made it so for me as well. I was a bit more emotional than usual. Man, was I wanting to cry every second of that meeting. I am actually crying right now lol.
A man from the meeting came up to us in the parking lot and said thanks to us for being honest. I was thinking what, I didn't say anything. He proceeded to say that our tears are our honesty and that we are taught to hold them back. That is wasn't being true.
Holding them back is what I learned growing up. So there we go with starting at the beginning again. This is not going to be any easy road. I feel lost, but headed in the right direction.
That was a nice compliment. I have heard that from others as well - that my willingness to be so vulnerable and honest allowed them to be more honest too. I read in zen a long time ago, that the way to be the most powerful - is to be completely vulnerable, to be completely defenseless... when we share ourselves we let go of our own defenses. We set them down, we are in control. When we are willing to be transparent, we are less likely to be hurt bc we are not hiding anything or holding anything back. If I do get attacked in that state, I can usually see it is from them. Yes, we dont like feeling vulnerable and my tears may soften a hardened heart, if they are open to that and it is in HP's time.
A favorite author of mine, Louise Hay, says that "tears are the river of life, shed in sadness and pure joy" so let them flow and be free! Ive certainly cried a river in my own program. I feel relief after a good cry and our tears actually release toxins from our bodies.
I think tears are powerful.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Dear member922, I am much in favor of tears. I consider the ability to cry when the need arises to be a blessing. I am glad you are able to go there and tap those emotions.
Crying, when I was a child, was NOT encouraged, but I sure did a lot of it behind closed doors and with my girlfriends (away from authority figures). I still cry pretty easily, even today. I agree, that crying can be a healthy release of tension from our bodies.
I have always thought that our language just doesn"t have enough words to describe the many kinds of powerful emotions that we feel---but crying is a way of expressing these emotions that our words won't let us. When a loved one has passed, our words don't do justice. When we hear the newborn's first cry, our words don't do justice. When a loved one maliciously betrays us, our words can't bridge that gap. When a tornado flattens a town, our words fail us. When our our loved ones are self-destructing in front of us, our words become useless.
In a strange way, when I cry, I feel the most honest to myself and loving to myself.
Always, I have felt sorry for our males. They are generally socialized to "suck it up".
God gave humans the ability to cry (other mammals, too) for a reason. When men are not "allowed", I think we have dehumanized them to a degree. Imagine how hard it is to keep all those powerful emotions tightly contained.
Sorry, member922, for using your thread to climb on my soapbox. But, anytime your tears can bring you comfort---grab your kleenex and climb on board!!!
Yes, yes, and yes!! I think.... this is the main reason why F2F meetings are "even more important" than simply posting here.... We can be "whoever we want to be" online, and can kind of 'hide' from the world, to some extent.... There is a blatant honesty that comes from attending and sharing at meetings...
I don't mean to insinuate that we would try to intentionally be dishonest on here - it's just that we (myself very much included) struggle with even being honest with ourselves sometimes, and that's why we need the truth and honesty of meetings...
Thanks for the share
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi again, I have one more thing I would like to share on this exciting post.
I recall learning, in one of my courses, something about extablishing intimacy with another. It was a lightbulb moment for me--I thought I had discovered the wheel, or fire, or something.
It said that true intimacy happens, bit by bit, as we feel safe enough, OR, when we are willing to risk being vulnerable to another. When we risk showing our soft underbelly to another---that gives them the safety to expose theirs to us. This is how we get to know the real person--the whole person, and vice versa. It takes us beyond the social masks and defensiveness of each other.
There are many very wise and knowing members in Al-Anon and often without saying a word they will read our stories and thank us for sharing them. I use to think I could hide in early recovery and never was able. The fellowship kept propping the doors I tried to hide behind wide open. Thank HP for that male member who spoke to you out in the parking lot...I do. When you become fear-less you can keep the door open willingly yourself and come out where the others are. Great share. ((((hugs))))
I can see now what he meant and what all of you mean. I always tried to hide my feelings, at least my sad heartfelt ones. I am happy that I can express myself with my group. I love them so much. I love you all as well.
I never ever thought of things in this light. Every day that goes by I learn something new. That is what life is about, no? If we can't grow, there is really not much else to do.
Thanks all. It's nice to know that I can express myself without judgement even if I'm sad and hurting.
, Otie