What a Month :0)

I Currently Have so Many things going on right now, that I at times Catch myself just staring off into space Thanking HP for All the Blessings that have been Laid before me... I have found that when I am Down, it is by choice... And since I Turned My Frown Upside Down WOW has HP really opened my eyes to some Pretty Amazing things...

I have Found that My Value is Worth Alot More then I ever imagined or accepted to be true, I have found that when I get in my "Funk" and work my program, I am Quick to recover from the "Drama or Trauma"... I Can't say that I take All the Right Steps, but I can def. see where I have Grown in such (To me) a Short time...

This Last Month has been an Out of this World Kinda Month, I have learned many wonderful things about my Son & I, and We have grown Closer with Each Passing Day, I am A Better Listener for him then I have been due to the Chaos I allowed to go on in my home... It is so much more settling since i have stepped back, looked around & took the time evaluated what it is that "I" want in my future instead of having others plan it for me...

My Husband & I have grown Closer then I thought we ever would after being together for over 16yrs, we both quit drinking back in Oct and tho we have both questioned at times if it was worth it, I have come to understand that for ME... Its nothing short of a blessing... I don't have to drink, don't need it, and since i Gave it up I can say that I have Come to Believe that "I AM WORTH IT" Amazing what you see when the Smoke Clears....

A Huge Struggle for Me 'was' Always Fighting Myself over my own self esteem..I have always had "Stinking Thinking" . I Never had Self Esteem because of it, and Did my Best to Focus on others to Fill my Needs, so as not to look at my faults/flaws...and I can Honestly today see that the Only Person I need to Fill My Needs, Is Me, and I have handed those reins over to my HP, My God of Understanding...

I still have moments where I may Question Hp's Will for me, but i Can say that since i have accepted things as they are, People as they are, and life on lifes terms... I have Lifted the Rose Colored Glasses, and took a good hard look at myself, I can see it was Time for Me to Change... I was Stagnent for a Long Long Time... Doing the same thing Over & Over & Getting the Same Results... Now that Pain has Lifted me to Blessings that have turned out to be, Pretty out of this world...

I have Takin on A Few More responsiblilty here of late, and I'm just glad that those Responsibility's I Can do with Ease, and don't have to feel like i am being Told or Pressured... I have stood up for myself, and did (For Once) what was Right for me, without the input from others.... I am Who I am, and tho I have alot of Charactor Traits that Need some Updating, I can see that I still have a True Heart, reguardless of what others my think of me, and I have accepted "Finally" that What others think of me is Truly NONE of my Business nor will I allow it to Consume Me or My Life... I know in my Heart the Person I am, and the things I have & have not done and I see now, that is whats important, not what others tend to assume or accuse...Accepting that alone made my "Drama meter" Sink into the Ground... And for that I am Most Grateful for the Help & Love I Have recieved to get to this place....

Even My Son told me just yesterday that he was Happy to see Me Happy... So It Must be Working if a Teenager can take the time to notice ... We Spent another Amazing Weekend with just myself & my husband & Son, and tho we didn't get to get all the things done on our to do list for the weekend, we got the best of it done, with Ease, Balance & Grace... I have Filled my Days with Acceptance, of Myself & Others... And have Remiained on Myside of the street, and I have to say... Its a Pretty Nice Place to be...

My Only Struggles Currently has to do with our work being so slow due to the Cold/wet/rainy Weather, but i have even handed that to HP... Somethings are out of my Control, and the Phone Ringing is One of them, I know my husband is Great at what he does, and tho retirement is sneaking up on him, he will do what he has to feed his family, and his grandchildren and becuase of that, I know we will be OK....If I have to leave my Nice warm Office and go back to Installing with my Husband it is nothing I haven't done before... We have Jumped many hurtles he & I, and we are Now Both headed in the Same Direction for our Future, and that Alone, is a Wonderful Feeling....One we Wouldn't have even Discussed had it not been for the changes we Chose for our Lives :0)

I have been married now for a little over 10yrs, and i have to say that I am Very Grateful that God has Put me thru the trails & tribulations I have had to over come in my Marriage, becuase I have proven to myself & my HP that tho I was Raised by Alcoholics, I did not have to follow that Same path, and Give my son an Excuse to follow in the same .... I am Glad that My Husband & I were Both Willing and Ready For Change, and because of my Faith... Count Myself Very Blessed to be were I am, and in doing so I know I could have Never got here had it not been for the Walls of Acoa/Al-Anon...

I have Learned So Much ... So Many things I can Clearly See Now that Before I Could not... This will be But my 3rd Year here in this program, and those that Quesiton "Is this For Me?" Well I Will Just say, that For me... It has Not Just been about the Alcoholic/ Addicts in my Life, I has been about ME... & Who & What I Am...I can Apply the 12 steps to anything in this World that I Stuggle with, and If I Work it the answers are always there, as long as I am Willing to Listen to my HP, and remember that Even on my Lonelest Day... I am NEVER Alone, and that is a pretty good Feeling....

Thanks for Letting me Share...
Love, Hugs & Prayers to all

Jozie