The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My girlfriend is an alcoholic and has been sober for a couple years now. I love her very, very much. Right now we're in a rocky place and she's going thru some stuff she won't even try explaining to me because it has to do with being an alcoholic. I don't know what's going on inside her head.
Anyway, last night she came over and was a mess. I asked her if she had kissed another girl I saw her with and she said no. But then she told me she lied to me and that she did kiss someone while she was out. Then she started to break down. I've never seen her like this before. She was nearly shaking and she was telling me she absolutely needed a drink, some drugs, or a knife. I told her I had none of that. I was mad but felt her safety was more important at the moment than my emotional rage. I didn't want to let her leave but she did and wouldn't let me come home with her. She said she needed to be alone.
What am I supposed to do in this situation? I'm so worried about her and I have no clue what to do next. Please help me. Thank you.
So glad to have you here. :) Whenever I want to find a way to change what someone else is doing, I am reminded to get to a f2f meeting.
Have you been to an Al-anon meeting? When I started going to meetings, got a sponsor and worked the steps, I had to ask others advice less and less as the answers were there for me. I just had to apply myself to learn them.
Its a face to face Alanon meeting. There is Im sure many in your community.
Alcoholics behavior can be very bewildering and confusing to us who dont drink.
We learn in Alanon that there is nothing we can do for the alcoholic, we have no power over the disease. We do have power over ourselves however and Alanon can help us find solutions and decisions for our lives.
Keep coming back, the program works if you work it.
Tendo, love, we never can know exactly what goes on inside an alcoholic's head - except "How can I get another drink?"! We cannot suggest you what you should do with your girlfriend - everybody is different and what works for one person will not work for another. What we can advise, however, is that you look after yourself. We can reassure you that whatever is up with her, you didn't cause it, you cannot control it and you certainly cannot cure it (The 3 Cs)
Try to find an AlAnon meeting in your area - just talking to others who have the same or similar problems can help enormously. Come in here and in the chat room - you will find great support (and I should know!).
If you saw my post below, I can only say that going to meetings is what has been helping me. I wish I knew what went on in his head, but I don't, and I can't. I know what happens to me when I put all my focus on him though and that it is crazy making. I become just as sick as him, because I am addicted to him and that is not healthy either. So I am here to focus on me and alanon is helping me do that.
__________________
-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
Aloha Tendo...the most often reply you will get here is find and attend face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area. You will get that reply most often because those who suggest it do it and it works for them...me also. So go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look for the hot-line number for Al-Anon and call to find the places and times where we get together to help and support each other as we have worn your shoes and walked your journey also.
There is a metaphor in recovery that says "stay out of the Alcoholic's brain. It's a dangerous neighborhood." It's a metaphor and really descriptive. For me the easiest reply I learned in Al-Anon to my alcoholic/addict wife when she was "loosing it" was - call your sponsor. Practice that and then tell her yourself cause you didn't Cause her disease; you can't Control her disease and you can't cure her from her disease.
Go to the face to face rooms of Al-Anon and learn what we have learned and keep coming back here also. In support. (((((hugs)))))
I'm just so glad you are here. I myself have gotten so much out of face to face meetings. It really helped me walk through some of the insanity that was going on in my life. Thank you for sharing. Please keep coming back.\\
Hi Tendo and welcome to MIP I am glad you found your way here. Under my serenity prayer is a phone number to help people find a face to face meeting near you. It sounds like the love and support you may find in those rooms may be helpful to you now. I found myself bewildered by the acts of an Alcoholic and meetings and finding a sponso has forever changed my life in a positive way. I am sending love and support your way!
__________________
God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Going thru stuff often triggers the need to drink all you can do is listen , direct her back to her program and her sponsor , if I have learned nothing else in this program I know today I cannot help an alcoholic in trouble only an alcoholic can .. just my opinion .. If you are not already attending Al-Anon for yourself please start and do it for you , again this is just my opinion but for me it was the best way to support the alcoholic in my life . Louise
