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I would love to hear your experiences with step 7 (and I guess step 6 as well). When you did step 5 with your sponsor and then went into that prayer meditation time after when you " Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings" what happened? Did it happen right away? Were you entirely ready right away to have those shorcomings removed? Was it a sudden thing or did it happen gradually over time? I guess I was under the impression that everything would be removed on that day and I would just move on with my life without that baggage. But it didn't happen that way for me and I thought maybe I needed to go back to 4 and do it again. Maybe I did it wrong? I'm realizing now that the things that haven't been removed are the things I haven't been ready to have removed. I have to be ready and willing to give it up to God before he will take it from me. All I can do is keep praying for the willingness to let it go and I'm hopefull that it will happen for me.
I assume you are working the steps with a face to face sponsor whom you can call? I would say call that person and ask, if you don't feel comfortable...I haven't worked the steps yet, and I don't have a sponsor, but that is my understanding...? Maybe I am wrong, not sure.
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
You are ahead of me on the step work for sure, I am on 2 and taking it slow with my sponsor. But in reading what you wrote it reminds me of something my sponsor said " When you ask God to remove something you can't be holding onto it or hiding it behind your back any longer." I hand things over and at the last second close my fist back around it again, it is weird how things that heped me get into this mess are at times a comfort to me. I am learning I sabotage myself and thank God I am now aware of it and it helps me to trust in my HP more fully. It's about progress not perfection and it sounds like you are making progress!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
I'm realizing now that the things that haven't been removed are the things I haven't been ready to have removed. I have to be ready and willing to give it up to God before he will take it from me. All I can do is keep praying for the willingness to let it go and I'm hopefull that it will happen for me.
~Aimee
Hi Aimee
You did it right !!!You have now obtained wisdom and have also answered your own question. HP can and does remove all our defects, that we are willing to have removed. I know becoming entirely ready was difficult for me with some of my favorite defects. In the beginning I had to be in a great deal of pain before I surrendered and handed it over to HP and asked for it to be removed. I did get better at becoming entirely ready and when I was able to see the defect, see how destructive it was in my life then I could move to surrender.
I realized that HP will not remove all my defects until I had found new and better tools to live by that way it did become a gradual process and many defects were removed and I did not notice The one day I would look and be surprised that I no longer behaved in such a fashion.
My most dramatic experience with the removal of my defects came after my husbanded passed and all the anger, sadness rage at all my past injuries surfaced and I had to feel it. Talked it over, asked HP for help and then One night I was in such pain I knelled and said "If you exist please remove this rage and sadness" The next day and to this day the rage and anger left
The program works if you work it You are doing fine
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 19th of May 2011 09:32:08 PM
Thank you Betty :) Hearing your experience really helps me. What you said about having to see the defect, seeing how destructive it was in your life before you could move to surrender really spoke to me. I think I'm finally begining to see how my behavior is destructive to my marriage. I want so desperatly to start our marriage with a clean slate and that can only happen if I just LET IT GO ALREADY!!! Sometimes I need to take it easy on myself but sometimes I need to give myself some tough love :) Thanks! Anyone else? ~Aimee
-- Edited by Aimee on Thursday 19th of May 2011 10:39:45 AM
I first came to alanon at 17-20 years old and I went religoulsy for those three years and worked the steps several times. At that age, and my stubborn youth and general lack of willingness to -stop resisting- I was not at all ready to stop attemtping to control other people and my codependent enabling ways.
I think it can happen, as a big thing is lifted at once and it also happens over time in layers/plateaus/incriments as you continue working your program and the steps. Honestly not much did change for me until I established boundaries bc before that I was still willing to blame me for their behavior and I took it on and personally.
When I set one boundary - to leave my mom's house when her AH started to pick on me emotionally. The very fist time I left that house when he started in on me -and- the whole way I home, I was telling myself positive and kind things about me to me - I did not repeat anything my step dad said. No, I began to use positive words and encouraging self talk, instead of my former abusive, blaming and that task master in my head saying what I did wrong. I began to love myself first and I made me my own first priority -- not what others think about me as that is none of my business.
I used MYOB (mind my own business), focus on me, focus on loving me (kind and gentle), what am I grateful for (the more mundane the better), QTIP (quit taking it personally) and JADE (dont ever justify, argue, defend or explain) along with working the steps and boundaries for me. In conjunction it all works together. Dont forget to after you acknowledge this thing about yourself, to allow yourself to forgive YOU for it and let it go and surrender it to your HP.
I think all of the steps require willingness and the ability to surrender. Like hotrod said, you answered your own question -- you let go of what you were ready to and that is how it works. HP/god gives us free will and choice, so HP wont reach in and take anything from you, you have to be willing to release and surrender it to the HP, then it is recevied in that instant. The more you do this, the more you will feel you can release and surrender. Forgiveness works this way too and it takes our HP's guidance. I pray and say, "I am freely and willingly handing this over to you right now, take it now!" If I wasnt that ready - I can pray saying, "make me willing and ready to surrender, show me how to forgive." HP def answers our questions.
I could not "just" stop something in program, I found I had to find another behavior to replace the one I was changing - that made it much easier to change/stop what I didnt like - replace it with a new and healthier behavior.
One day in the chat room here I heard another member sharing a short version of the steps. I liked it and wrote it down, it came from that member's sponsor. I have also heard the first three steps being described as: I cant, he can, think I will let him.
1- surrender 2- come to believe 3- decide 4- look 5- open soul 6- get willing
7- ask to be changed 8-more willingness 9- repair damage 10- monitor me
11- talk & listen to god 12- give back
Some days I work all the steps ~ once you work through them once, you can work them again at any time. When in doubt, go back to step one &/or pray to release it.
-- Edited by kitty on Thursday 19th of May 2011 10:47:37 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
In short, No. I wish they went away like "POOF you're cured" but then that would be too easy and I would not have to depend on God for help. l have discovered in building a relationship with my H.P. he wants me to fully rely on him, not me.
My character defects and shortcomings are always there in the rear view mirror. I have a daily reprieve from those character defects based on the relationship I have with the God of my understanding. When I rely on my magic magnifying mind and find myself in self will, that is when my defects of character come on the scene.
In the morning I do the steps on my knees. I ask God to direct my thinking and actions and teach me how to live. I ask Him to keep me harmless, only of service to my fellows. In that truth I have discovered my program only has a shelf life of 24 hours. I hit my knees one day at a time, deal with my "problems" one at a time and ask God to run the show.
Easy does it Aimee - step 6 baffled me for awhile too . I went to a workshop and one of the speakers said it took him awhile to understand that this step says * God will remove * nowhere does it say Aimee and God hehe . that helped me alot , you now have the awarness you need to change the things that are causing you a problem , step 7 we ask for Gods help on a daily basis , we are aware and have accepted our defects, with his help we change our attitude and replace the old shortcommings with new behavior . Your doing just fine don't question the work you have already done . this is just my take on the two steps you asked about ....Louise
You have now obtained wisdom and have also answered your own question. HP can and does remove all our defects, that we are willing to have removed. I know becoming entirely ready was difficult for me with some of my favorite defects. In the beginning I had to be in a great deal of pain before I surrendered and handed it over to HP and asked for it to be removed. I did get better at becoming entirely ready and when I was able to see the defect, see how destructive it was in my life then I could move to surrender.