Birthday Chips - Al-Anon Family Group

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Birthday Chips

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Tommye - What comes first to mind is, what you think of me is none of my business, only turned around - what you think of him is none of his business. Perhaps you don't know his history and how long ago he discovered Al-anon and began using the 12 steps to better his life? I know that a LONG time ago I worked hard to get over some of the damaging effects of my childhood - I read a lot of co-dependancy themed books, explored my family dynamics, put the shame of my past behind me and defined behaviors I had that I didn't want to have anymore along with what I could do to become the person I wanted to be because I wanted to CHOOSE to live my life as the person I want to be (don't always succeed, i admit, warning: human here!).

OR - maybe it's his birthday and he's 42 and just misunderstood the purpose of the board?

RLC · ~*Service Worker*~

Each to his own. One slogan and one saying I use from time to time comes to mind.

"How Important Is It"

And "It's really not going to matter a hundred years from now."

My sponsor who is only one year older than me sits to my left at our table each Tuesday night. Last month she received her yearly chip. I glanced at it and noticed it was a 23 year chip. I leaned over and whispered in her ear..."Gosh I was only ten years old when you became a member of Al-Anon". She didn't say a word, but I did feel the slap on my leg under the table. LOL.

If this person has or is intitled to a 42 year chip it does porve one thing to me.......we never graduate form this program.

HUGS
RLC

-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 17th of May 2011 11:54:25 PM

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks guys for your posts. Yes, I completely agree, it isn't that important and it would not matter in a hundred years. That is why I threw myself under the bus for a new perspective because I know my thinking is twisted.

At first I was so surprised to see 42 years. I am friendly with this person so I went up to them and said, gosh I really didn't know you have been in the program that long. They said they haven't. They started with a few meetings in college with the other recovery group. So, that is where my mind disconnected. I'll let bygones be bygones.

So, cheers to my friend celebrating 42 years of recovery.

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Haha ... I guess they do say that your anniversary is the day you first attend a meeting. I have something similar ... I attended one meeting while I was getting divorced from my first AH because a counselor said it would be a good idea. I hated it and thought they were all crazy. I wasn't ready. It was 2 or 3 years later that I actually started going regularly. I actually had to stop and think about which date to put on the birthday board. I wasn't really sure. I ended up going with the later date, but I can see why the person may have written the date of their first meeting. The person may not understand the significance of the date - or maybe that date has more significance than anyone realizes. I guess it's personal, and none of us will ever know for sure. ;)

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I think the way you do huh ??? but one more time its none of my business . I just know that this is not the person I would choose to go to for any kind of guidance ..Louise

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Al-Anon birthday thing really isn't covered whatsoever in the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual, with the exception of page 92 under "Financial Matters", where it states: "Birthday Plan. In honor of their Al-Anon/Alateen birthday, members may express their gratitude by contributing an amount for each year's membership (contact the WSO for details)."

So there's really no official policy on Al-Anon birthdays - who qualifies, what the qualifications would be, etc (unless one would prefer to interpret that an Al-Anon member has to contribute to the WSO on their birthday - no chips, no speeches or celebrations etc.) Therefore, it's up to the individual. I know some Al-Anon members expressly choose not to participate in Al-Anon birthdays because they feel they relapse every day and therefore do not qualify for a chip. Their reasoning is chips are for AA members who have something tangible to succeed in abstaining from on a daily, monthly, yearly basis. I've had one member tell me chips for Al-Anon birthdays undermine the importance of chips for AA members.

That said, I do enjoy receiving a chip on my Al-Anon birthday from my sponsor. It has special meaning to me as a recognition of "progress, not perfection". I could say my Al-Anon birthday was way back when my mom first took my brother and I along with her to Al-Anon meetings, which would possibly qualify me for a 25+ year chip. But, because I wasn't going to those meetings with the purpose of helping myself at that early age, I don't count that far back as my official beginning of my Al-Anon birthday. I count it the year I came into the program, seeking help and being more than willing to do what it took to improve my life and situation.

But that's a personal choice for me alone.

As to whether it's my business who chooses to celebrate a birthday and how long it is they're saying they've been in the program... well, it's definitely not my business (even if I think a person's decision to say they've been in program since they were born is kooky... or if I think it's strange someone is abstaining from birthdays because they don't agree with chips or feel that we relapse every day and can't really say we have a birthday.)

I'd definitely have to ask myself "How important is it?" if I caught myself feeling like I need to correct someone else's viewpoint when such feedback wasn't requested of me.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.