I think you may have dodged a bullet in not going out to dinner with a guy who is a big drinker.  In fact both of these guys seem to have shown you their true colors -- flaky. 

A guy who isn't interested or doesn't have a lot of time won't set up or agree to getting together.  If he does set up or agree to it, a together guy follows through.  Even if something tips him off that "This isn't a person I want to get to know any further," he doesn't flake on the person.  He shows up and is polite but doesn't suggest another get-together, Or if necessary he politely gets in touch before the first get-together and says he can't make it after all.  If these guys had done any of those things, maybe (just maybe) it could have been some impression you gave.  But since these guys just flaked without warning, the blame is totally on them.  That is not a mature way to behave.

The next thing some of these irresponsible guys do is show up again with some big excuse -- or acting all friendly and not even mentioning that they ignored the earlier plans to get together.  Then they're very charming and suck us back in.  But as the saying is, "When someone tells you who he is, believe him."

I'm increasingly seeing that finding healthy friends is a numbers game.  You have to go through a lot of initial chats and getting to know people along the way.  Healthy people watch out for those red flags, and when they see them, they politely move on. It's the willingness to move on that's key.  Hope you get together with some more reliable folks soon!

I tell my sponsees, when they want to date - that they need very solid boundaries to do so successfully.  It is vital that you are also able to focus squarely on you and not day dream or fantasize about this person or anything else.  When we day dream, we are escaping our lives and not in reality.  It is the disease talking, when you ask yourself 'what is wrong with you' bc nothing is.  I would look at your feelings, focus on feeling and allowing yourself to process whatever it is that is telling you negative things about yourself.

I practised focusing on just *me* and my program for several months before I was ready to date again, in a healthier way.  I had some solid initial boundaries... I did not want to be with another A again, no matter what.  At that time (a few years ago) I was still drinking frequently myself - so if it appeared as if they could not emote emotionally and share themselves emotionally and then (further along) be able to grasp and confortalby share in the intimacy.  As a former recovering love addict - I felt I needed that imtimacy.  Program taught me to find and discover me inside of myself first, to know myself, to accept and to love, nurutre and support myself in a healthier way.   Loving me came after I was kind and gentle to me and I changed my inner dialogue.  I began to give me a chance and I began to grow. 

I also had to determine what my true needs were versus the wants, fantasies and dreams I lived out.  I was told that my needs are non-negotiable and (ultimately) my wants are completely irrelvant.  We are entitled and owe it to us, to get our own needs met in an adult and mature way.  I am not entitled to sacrifice my needs or compromise me for another, ever.  I have my own ethics and standards and if I dont raise them and strive for better within myself, how can I attract that in a mate?

You must focus on YOU and what you love and value about yourself and the stuff you dont appreciate within, forgive it and let it go, then work to be the partner you want to attract.  Dont expect things of other people - you take your own positive actions and get busy and enjoy the process/experience of life.  Everyone is attracted to kindness and everyone wants to feel good and be accepted.  Dont compromise you in the mean time.  People pleasing only gets you ppl that want to manipulate and use you, you are worth more than that.  You are "worth" whatever you think you are.  I wanted dignity and respect but I had to develop that inside of me first. 

Then when ppl dont resepct me or they cannot accept my boundary, then I adapt and I do accept what they are telling and showing me.  Listen with your eyes.  Do you feel good and better about yourself when you are with X person or do they leave you feeling uneasy?  I began to learn to identify my reactions and perceptions and I dont want to be around someone I dont feel amazing around.  You have to practise feeling amazing on your own first, though.  Focus on you, your interests and being dynamic in what you are passionate about and interested in. Get interested in things and you become more interesting, develop yourself and what you like.  Do something you always wanted to but were afraid to try.  Interesting people are interested, engaged and involved in living. I think this makes us even more attractive to others.  Think about it, we like kindness and we are attracted to dynamic and active people.  Be kind and gentle to you and dynamic in your own life -then you will see people coming out of the wood work to commuinicate with you, share with you and enjoy living.  

So what is wrong with you?  Absolutely nothing.  The peace and all the happiness in the world is within you, inside of you.  What is allowing you to not feel your best?  or the magic question for me always has been:  What can I do to allow me to feel better right now -emotionally and/or about my immediate situation.  Then do that thing, whatever it is - some days for me it was eating unhealthy decadent ice cream, other days it was the complete opposite.  Some days I read a book, hugged a tree, wrote  a letter, took a nap, did some forgivness work on me and others, work my program and talk to other alanons so I could get more healthy ideas to cope with my life easier.  Life has gotten so much easier and better!  Today I can accept what others show me and resepct them for who they are and move on to find a healthier person.  I want to feel good, accepted and loved by my mate. That only can happen when they are supportive, understanding and human back to me, we both practise detaching from controlling the other.  Some days I have to say, that is my job, my work, my program - you can only change & control YOU.

We always have choices.