The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I sit back and realized today after reading "Hope for Today" that I still Suffer Alot from Denial... I have learned to say.. "I'm Good, No Worries" when I am Dieing inside, I am good at Denying myself Happiness, & Joy alot of the times, because I Have not Mastered at times the "Letting Go" of it all...
Now i Don't mean that when something is happening and needs to end I don't just STOP! Cause I Do... But What I mean is, when I know I have to Release it to HP what ever it may be, and I do so, and then something "Reminds" me of it, I Steal it right back just to be angry, hurt, disappointed, regretful... Just because I denyd it to begin with...
Currently I can Honestly say that My Life has Improved over the last couple months, I am Thinking more of myself, & doing what I can to take care of me first along side HP... I have learned that in keeping HP Close to my side, I can then bob my way thru my days a Little Easier, a Little less Stressed... But I Do Still have moments of Complete Denial....
Caught myself the other day speaking to my sister on the phone, and I get into such a habit of repeating things during every call... Like: Her: How was your Day.. Me: Oh it was Good... Yours?? And i Just switch as Fastly and rapidly OFF Me! And Bounce it back into her court... I know it is becuase of the most resent things happening in my life, and I see it now becoming the "wall" I had before I got here just over 2 short years ago...
Things for me have changed in a sense, I am Trying my best to stay out of others way, and keeping to myself, but I have also found that in doing so, I have more "Honest" Serene Moments, More Peace... I Can't Deny that I Don't Miss somethings about the times past, However, I am Accepting of the Changes, I am Accepting of the Moving Forward, I am staying In Check with my Ownership in my Problems! So Now...I'm Just trying to work out the bugs is all! the "Denial" on my part, of what I "Expected" (Huge No No for Me) and what really was "Reality".. Accepting for Me is Half the Battle... Currently Denial is Holding Hostage the Rest!
Knowing in my Heart that "This too Shall Pass" has been a Blessing along with the Serenity Prayer sometimes 20 times a day :0) But!! I'm Getting By... Still have plenty of Work to do... And I have been busting out my Step 4 Books & Gettin at it, No were Near an End, but for me, Starting it alone, Has been Wonderful and I am Grateful for all those that Have Helped me "Keep On Keeping On" On Beautiful Day at a Time....
You all are the Reason, "I Keep Coming Back" your love & Support has been amazing... You all know who you are <3 ;) ESH Me if ya Please :0) I am Always Grateful to hear Your Journey's as Well :0) Thanks for Being here =)
My heart is moved by all I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world. A passion to make, and make again, where such un-making reigns.
I often say I am doing ok when I'm not because most everyone out there is going through their own "stuff" and don't need mine heaped on them and, honestly, can't do anything about my woes anyway.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I was always so hard on the alcoholic when I found him in a lie . Then I did my 4th step and discovered my tools of, lying and pretend (another form of lying) and I was humbled .Judge not lest you be judged!!!
I now undertand the suggestion that we must focus on ourselves and eliminate all judgement and criticism of others.
