I feel trapped, how do I get free? - Al-Anon Family Group

juliakessler · Newbie

I feel trapped, how do I get free?

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Until we let go absolutley nothing will change , nothing changes til someone changes . The longer you continue to rescue him the sicker you both will get , this disease will take you both down . by supporting him you are actually allowing the disease to continue he has to hit bottom , hopefully you have hit yours and will get some help for yourself , find meetings go to as many as you can you need support from people who understand . You are not the reason this is happening he has a problem and it isnt you . If your going to do what you always do your going to get what you always got is the line that finally clued me in to my part in the mess . Please find help for yourself . Louise

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Julia, I am so glad you are here, welcome to MIP. Thank you for sharing the difficulties in your life.

The alanon 3 C's really caught my attention when I started the program. They are: You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it. However, there is a 4th C which is you can contribute to it. Often when we are faced with the disease of alcoholism we are unable to see what our part in the process is. I believe Louise said it best above.

In my face to face Alanon meetings our closing states a promise which is "there is no situation to difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness to great to be lessened." I think you would find there are many people in Alanon that understand your problems as few others could. There is an expression similar to what Louise said above. It is "if you do what you have always done, you are going to get what you always got". Step into the rooms of Alanon, I think you will find the answers you are looking for, one meeting at a time.

Respectfully Yours,
TC

Otie · Senior Member

Dear julia, I hear that you have love feelings for him. I'm guessing that this is what is making it so hard for you. I have experienced what it feels like to turn away someone that you feel you love. It is a very tough thing.

What if the most loving thing you can do for him in the long run is to allow him to hit his bottom? This is not a statement, but is meant as a question to ask yourself. Whatever you do, you are still going to need support!! Either path is going to be hard on you. The more support you get, the easier it will be.

Sincerely, Love, Otie

youfoundme · ~*Service Worker*~

Face to face alanon meetings can help you in this. It is a support system like no other. For me, knowing I have my meeting to go to, makes me feel like I am not alone. The people there may have some great suggestions for you. This board is helpful too :) We are all supporting you :) I am learning that we are loved here until we learn to love our selves. If your bf is ever sober, it may be a good time to talk with him about things, and that is the only time to talk with him, because when they are drunk, it doesn't work. I understand, loving someone that has this disease is so hard. Keep coming back :) This program works when you work it....

flopadopilus · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Julia and welcome to MIP. I am glad you found your way here and the courage to share. It sounds like you may be at a crossroad and I shadow the others in saying you can find support and information in face to face Al-anon meetings. It has helped me so much. Nobody understood me like people in the meetings. Here is a place to call to ask about meetings in your area
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666. I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way!

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Julie:

Welcome!

I can surely sense your fear and frustration.

Al-Anon has the "keys" to free you. Had I known this years ago when I first realized that my ex-husband's drinking was negatively affecting me, I would have run to the nearest meeting.

I hope you won't be resistant as I was.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.