The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not seen my sober ABF for a month, we have had one or two conversations but not much contact as I had hit my rock bottom and he was also feeling weak in his recovery, he has been sober for 8an a half months he was sober six months las time. he came to my sons 18th on friday we were very civil we acted normal his two sons came and it was lovely all my family welcomed him and told him how great he looked. When he left I came home with my kids, them my abf rangsaid how much he enjoyed it we chatted. At 7.30 am I got a call he was on way in a taxi, he asked me to pay it which I did(just went backwards) wos not expecting him to be drunk. He said he went for cigarettes and ended up in the alcohol isle. he has been here for two days, I have been doing so well so detached and focusing on myself. When I was at my rock bottom he left me to sort myself out which I did and I feel so much stronger. I am going to get him to leave in a bit I am trying so hard to have compassio but I do not want all this again, its his stuff, the guilt is starting but I have learnt that I must look out forme and hand him over. hugs tracy xxxx
It's so nice that you are realizing what is healthy for you. It's so hard to detach in the first place, and even worse when the individual is present (at least for me).
It sounds as if you were right when you suspected that being around him would be risky to your serenity. Sometimes the people around us who urge us to do this or that don't understand our situation -- it's like people who tell alcoholics, "Oh, just bring along a bottle of wine -- I'll feel bad if there isn't any there -- you don't have to take a drink yourself!" Maybe an alcoholic could deal with it later in sobriety, but early in sobriety, our recovery has to be closely guarded.
It's doubly dangerous when they start out being like their old non-alcoholic selves -- it's so easy for us to sink back into thinking, "I'm sure he's fine now -- I can handle it -- things are different now -- I'll just do it this once -- I deserve a little good time after everything I've been through..." But then the old problems start up again...
I hope you can be as compassionate to yourself as you aim to be to him. Take good care of your serenity -- that's the most important thing.
Tracy, thanks for sharing that. The slogan Progress not Perfection came to mind when I read your post. I think you are doing well in that you are practicing the three A's....Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.
