The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of my housemates has started dating her boss. They always did have an intense relationship. There were a lot of lines blurred in there.
I feel uncomfortable because of course all my relationships (and most of them disasters) were started at warp speed. If someone wanted to date, get to know me and go slow I was furious. I could not entertain it. I felt like I was drowning in need and needed and wanted someone right away. So I always jumped in and then found it difficult to get out. I'd be committed before the first date. I could wait till we got to "we". Then when the people who I had committed to showed some ambivalence I was furious and couldnt imagine why they weren't joined at the hip for life.
I really don't want to see anything wrong with it. I really dont' want to see that I'm part of the picture. I want to buy into the true love at first sight, jump into liove and work things out later stuff. I no longer can of course.
I'm a pretty impatient person its one of my charactor faults I need to work on. The issue is the impatience the haste, the blinders set me up to be with an alcoholic.
I've heaped all the blame on the alcoholic for the last few years. Now I am having to take responsibility and I can't say I relish it.
Oh how I relate Maresie. I have turned myself and my A over to my HP and know I have to keep myself alone for some time, but does that mean forever really? I know I would be fine but it sounds like you have given up with relationships or am I misreading? I so relate and am living one day at a time when it comes to being alone, but I see the great benefits and health that I have gotten because of it and it keeps me striving to avoid relationships for now and to keep getting stronger within. I am getting more comfortable in my fleshyness and it is so freeing. I have even isolated alittle from my girlfriends, but I keep contact with them just not like before, I feel like I am retraining all of us with a new healthier me to emerge. I don't know what is normal for going through a divorce or all the self awareness I am getting, but as social as I am I am finding it more peaceful to pull back and keep my focus on my and my recovery. Thanks for the share definitely things for me to keep in my focus!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
What a great insightful share!! I do believe that being patient and being willing to go slow and make all the stops along the way is a gift that we can receive from our HP.
I read in the ODAT the other day that Patience is not worked for - It can be acquired by: "Letting Go of Self Will" The Third Step.
I am glad this program is a process and I can continue to strive for serenity, courage and wisdom each day
I also made decisions to jump into coupledom for each relationship in my life prior to now. Just being too busy with work, school, recovery and taking care of myself has helped my focus in many ways. But I have dated and made mistakes in some areas and imporvements in others. I found defining clear ideas of what I want in life and qualities in people I want to spend my valuable time around have been useful in creating the boundaries that protect my serentiy and happiness from my old habits and patterns. I also look at other's relationships, not exactly judging but watching for the components that make it a healthy relationship or a not so healthy relationship. Then again I am still figuring out the healthiest relationship with myself .... first things first
Man do I relate to this. This post describes every single one of my relationships. Mostly, I think I needed someone to fix - and someone to occupy every single minute. As soon as I had someone, I would neglect pretty much all other relationships.
I've definitely not given up on relationships. These days I just get to watch myself rather than abandon myself. I do know when I go near to a romantic relationship a whole bunch of need comes up. And I trigger very very easily.
I think watching others in relaitonship is new for me too now that I'm not so quick to judge.
thanx so much for yur post its a real eye opener for me for ive been alone well out of a relationship for some time and really beginning to actually ,,,love my life for a change and focusing on myself,i spend alot of time these days to myself doing things i enjoy and trying to get to know who i am,or love my own company and enjoy just being in my own flesh,its diff.i never had to do this for 20 yrs i was married to a a and for 10 yrs ive been in other relationships back to back all a/d.wow no wonder i couldnt never focus or and was so scared of being alone.but now im not so i get bored but i stay in my recovery everyday and keep healthy ppl around me and i have a gr8t support system.that in its self is a gr8t blessing most of whom r alanon ppl here online i come to often and i go to a 12 step group every tuesday and my counseler comes to my home onced a week and he is really good at putting things back into perspective for me and now u ,yur wonderful post here has been a huge releif,and agin i ty....pattycakes
