Hi Lori, glad to hear you feel better being separated.

When I began my separation, I crammed as many meetings into my schedule as I could. I was told I had to fill my "need" with the Solution, because there was still an empty hole in me. Thinking on my own resulted in me wanting to fill that hole by replacing my husband with someone else, which is NOT the Solution, it's just substituting the drug. I used men to make me feel okay about myself. The Solution is finally developing a relationship with Higher Power, so that I feel okay on my own. Did I listen to that suggestion? Hell no. I wanted to feel better NOW, I wanted to escape from my life.... I did not want to FEEL my life.

So I entered into another relationship... another addictive relationship obviously because "I" was the problem. I have an addictive personality, I was not well, so of course that was what I was going to attract. (not saying this is what you're doing, I'm not clear if this is just a friend or a potential boyfriend.)

So, my sponsor sighed and suggested it again when I came back to her crawling on my knees. She said, "Just give yourself six months, no relationship for 6 months." When my jaw dropped to the floor, she said, "Try four."

And that's what I did. The old-timers said that spirituality had to come FIRST, then everything else would fall into place.

I am happy to pass along... it is my experience... that THAT works.

In your posts, you seem to see-saw back and forth with your powerlessness. My suggestion is to find a sponsor and begin to work the steps. It was the only way I could get out of the addictive cycle, I had to practice something different and I mean I HAD TO because I am getting too old for all this insanity. From where I sit, you are in an excellent position to fill your time with recovery. Avoid isolating because when I did... I was stuck with my own thinking. I would love to see you in a solid fellowship of recovery. That's what I have been blessed with and I would love to see you accept the gift too. I'd like to see you hit a meeting every day for at least a week.... I was like a new person after I did that. (The internet is NOT the same, btw.)

Take what you like, of course. Brightest blessings.

I have been fighting myself tooth and nail not to start talking with guys and to keep myself from distracting myself. When I can settle myself enough to sit and read 1 of my Al-anon books, my mind calms and I make it through the night feeling great. When I keep myself on the phone or computer chatting with men I get myself spiraling further. It's like I sabotage myself once in awhile, but I have made progress, I used to not spend time relaxing and building myself up alone or with a girlfriend and a movie once in awhile. Self care just isn't natural to me at all, but it is about the journey not the ending. Some days I take it a minute at a time until I can take it an hour at a time until I can take it a day at a time. I am feeling the hole within me getting smaller and smaller and realizing I am worthy without being in a relationship, it takes me a lot of work and it is not easy to break my die hard cycles, but I am worth the work and when I do it right it feels oh so worth it! Evenings when my kids are with their dad is when I have the hardest time and the nights I spend in a book and a bath are getting to be my favorite or even all alone and a good movie. This spending time with myself has gotten me more comfortable and stronger in my own skin than anything else ever has. Handing things over to my HP throughout the day has really put my mind at ease, because I know he can better manage my life than I ever could! Just keep working your program and you will continue to flow into a new healthier you! Sounds like you are making good progress, yeah you!

Hi again Member922, you are not stupid, I have made the same mistakes and had some of the same thoughts, life will knock you down enough without your own help. It is a process and building yourself up from the inside out will take time, but you are worth it! You were aware that your brain started stinkin thinkin, so you caught it. I find anyone who is looking at their character defects to be complex, but so much healthier than the ones who are still engrossed in denial. I enjoyed your share and it brought a big one of my character defects to the center of my focus. You helped me by reading this today and I am better for it. I hear progress in you already, good awareness`Keep up the good work!

Hey you! Come over and sit by the fire and watch movies with me!

(c:

Hey good for you  coming here and sharing and asking how everyone is!

You sound good for your decision.

It snowed, it rained, then it was warm enough for shorts and sleeveless shirt and sandals. NOW it is cold enough for a fire and grey!

I planted a few plants I had brought from home. A neat one that gets at least 10 feet tall and spreads all over. I planted it for privacy. I dug it up from a long the river over 20years ago! Planted it at the house I sold to my son. it has spread all over by the pond there.

He likes it yet hates it as it comes up alllll over. lol then brought it to the farm house and now here! I just make a mess everywhere! haha

Someone sent me money so fezzik and i drove to town to get food and gas. he goes into the stores with me. People freak over him. He is a very cute fluffy Pom.

We shared a cup of shrimp on the way home. I could not believe how much he ate! Then looked over and he was burying it inm my coat!

Hugs, theres a piece of my exciting life for you! deb covered with p butter, bird seed butter apples, raisens etc from making my birds their food!

 

oh is that what it is? adventure?? haha i was thinking on the way back up here, what kind of woman just ups and moves to a cabin in the mountains??

My cell does not work well in my house so i walk up to my gate in my nighgown yesterday talking on my phone...

Its funny as the birds heard me when i got home and started hollering and cussing at me. I swear they are pigs with wings!

i gave the chipmunkface a huge pile of food. Its burrowing thru it like a bulldozer so cute. Should be chipmumps, his cheeks are HUGe!

My basset three little dogs and my cat and I are all on my double recliner! I cover the Basset Tavish with a soft fleece blanket so the little dogs cannot see him. Then one lays next to him and one on top! lol tavish loves it, stays warm.,

Of all the things the stupid mice chewed on dear before I got up here was my favorite wool sweater rrrrr. I cut the sleeve off and made Happy my black poodle a cute sweater!

Will make Tavish one next. The rest around here have thick fluffy fur. I can prove it to you three times or more a day when i sweep the floor!

Did I share one Stellers jay thinks he is a hawk? Another sounds like a kitten! goofs. they are twice as big as the chipmunks but they are scared of them! They see one and jump up real high.

Oh I am sorry your movies sucked. I tell ya I watch tom cruise in that war of the worlds a million times. I love the effects etc.

You can get netflix real cheap. unless you have a satellite feed. I watch things on my computer allll the time. i go to like abc main site, push shows then pick one, they pick full ephisodes.

netflix has a ton of fun stuff. Escape to chimp Eden I could watch all day and about did!

I am not kidding I am getting to where I wonder why I have a satellite tv!

I read about a book ever two or three days. I know I shouldn't but I read is is Ann rice? the true stories of awful stuff? I am so curious about human behavior.

how are you doing today? What are you doing. You know you can feed the birds anywhere. It is fun. Even when you are not old like me.

OH brother, I have had those thoughts. no sex ever again. lol but i am fortunate as I don't really care unless I am truly in love with him and he is my husband. I NEVER got tired of my ex ah. we are talking 40 years!

You will come to a routine if you give this time. Someday if you cont. your life will become familiar just you on your own. We all get lonely. its more an emotion like happy or sad then really needing someone I think.

I can be sad and miss my passed on ones.

Well we have another day here to fill, what are you up to?What are your goals?

bugs me to call you member...maybe i will call you Mortimer Schnerd. I am SURE no one is old enough to remember him???? love,deb

member - Netflix works pretty good, you don't have to invest in three movies out at a time, you can go with just one at a time for just ten bucks a month - plus, if you have the technology you can enjoy the huge variety of tv and movies on netflix instant! I do on my laptop instead of the tv to put me to sleep - Wings; Cheers; 3rd, Rock From the Sun; Law & Order, Criminal Intent (Edgar unit, inside joke) to name a few - I don't get much time to watch tv, usually too sleepy but its great to have the larger variety without paying for premium service. My two cents.

This weekend: I drove a bus full of high school kids to a track meet yesterday, its raining - no, POURING out right now so I"m sitting on my bed watching How to Train Your Dragon and enjoying the one non-working morning i get. (doesn't include the dishwasher i already loaded with first load of dishes..., dusting, vacuuming, finding the table under the mess.... oh well, non working day doesn't exist does it?) I would have liked it to be a nice day so I could work in my yard, its in dire need of TLC (and round up). Happy Sunday everybody!

Ha, of course you can pause them, its part of what makes it so much better than being a slave to cable where you miss out if you take too long in the bathroom - I have a difficult time really settling down because of all the things I have going on, so I pause a lot, sometimes too long then have to reload the movie but with our enhanced internet speed it doesn't take too long. Another reason for liking it is because when I do settle down I fall asleep - its easy to pick up where I left off, you can fast forward, rewind, - not as quickly as a dvd but you can do it - plus, the service combines all seasons of shows you want to watch and automatically goes to the next episode after you've watched (or fallen asleep through) one.

About bus driving - at first (this is my first year) they seem so big - but that gets less daunting and driving a bus improves your regular driving skills - parellel parking is a breeze now! Cheers!

I was so pleased to catch a movie this weekend and spend some time outside in the garden. I was lucky enough to get to three meetings and to yoga this weekend. I feel on top of the world!