The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am angry not sure if it's at my self or him. Hate is all I feel can't express this to him because he is happy to be sober n it's 2 mths sober n he is on step 4. He knows every thing I try at times to talk but I am consumed with anger. I love him n hate at same time. Want to run as I do always. Tired pissed n feed up. What's wrong with me. He is changing and going to be better n now I want to leave.
I felt just like you did when I walked into the rooms of Alanon. I really didn't want to be there but I knew that was the only place for me to go. I didn't like the person I had become filled with anger and hate. I kept thinking, how did I get this way? I used to have fun and laugh a lot and go places. I was isolated, withdrawn and crippled with thoughts swirling in my head. I became this awful person, someone I felt like didn't know and didn't want to be around. That is when I realized I needed help. Through the sharing of others I could see they too had felt the same way as I did. The people in the face to face meetings had joy, laughter, and happiness despite all of their struggles. I wanted what they had and was willing to do whatever it took to get it. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, and feel very much part of the group. Face to face meetings and step work was the key for me to release the anger and hatred from the past.
If you have not been to a face to face Alanon meeting, please consider going. There are many people in the fellowship that can understand you as perhaps few others could.
Thank you for sharing so honestly from the heart. Keep Coming Back! Respectfully Yours, Tommye
Why are you feeling that way? Seems pretty simple....
In our relationships, we get angry (perhaps out of resentment, or fear, or whatever) when one party changes from where they were, and we aren't yet ready to change....
When he was active, you were both sick and suffering from his disease, and were at point "X".... He sounds like he is moving from point X, to hopefully a healthier and sober place...... You don't sound like you have embraced a recovery program for yourself, so you are stuck at point "X" still, and likely resenting that he is no longer there with you.... This is not unlike the (perhaps more common) scenario, where the A isn't yet ready to choose sobriety, and yet we find Al-Anon and choose to get healthier....
The bad news is you are in two different places at the moment.... The good news is there is a chair at your local Al-Anon meeting, being kept especially for you... He is choosing (and apparently working on) his program of recovery.... I'm pretty confident that a lot of the anger issues you are struggling with will be addressed and be reduced if you can find a program of recovery for YOU.
Take care
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Tori...welcome...do a bit of an inventory (we do lots of that) and check out if it is the disease that you hate and not the alcoholic. I've been where you are at and at the time couldn't separate the disease from my alcoholic wife who I just loved to death (almost literally). It was the disease and the conditions it held me in. (((hugs)))
Keep coming back and if you are not partaking in the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups yet; consider going as quickly as you can. You'll find many of us in the rooms getting and giving support to each other. Look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hot line number and call asap.
Thank all of you. I am so emotional right now. He wants to fix it all and I am stuck. I just want to see him happy. I want him to go. For me I am a runner n I suppress to surpass. I know this. I will be okay later but right now I am paralyzed by pain.
I am angry not sure if it's at my self or him. Hate is all I feel can't express this to him because he is happy to be sober n it's 2 mths sober n he is on step 4. He knows every thing 
