The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My fiance is an alcoholic, he has totalled 4 cars in 5 years (one of which was mine). He was an alcoholic way before I met him, he has been to rehab once (3 years ago) but made no use of what he learned there and skipped out early. We have a 2month old daughter that he leaves me alone with all night so he can drink (and drive)... he also has epilepsy. We have been together for 4 years so there's a lot of emotional abuse I've endured while he's been drinking and a lot of lies while hes sober to cover up his drinking or make it seem to himself that it's not a big deal the things hes done. Just yesterday, after another one of his disapearing acts, he realized he is out of control and is seeking help. He went to an AA meeting last night and is planning on going to another Sunday and as often as he needs to. I'm extremely proud of him for taking this step.
I know I need to go to alanon meetings because I have a lot of resentment towards him for many things. The lies he's told, hiding alcohol around the house, leaving me alone with the baby. It's selfish but a big one is the fact that after I turned 21, I was supporting him in not drinking so I didn't... and really haven't since... yet he has drank a ton.
I also don't see it as fair that I should not be able to drink because i'm not the one with the problem... Especially since I have spent the last 4 years supporting him (and not drinking) when he didn't care.
See, I know I need the meetings. I'm just very nervous about going (I have social anxiety ).
Aloha Mar...take that social anxiety to the meeting with you and let it also experience the unconditional love and acceptance that Ihave found within Al-Anon. I had to shut off my thinker because I went and thought myself out of the rooms and back into the problem much more deeply. When I shut my thinker off and went with my "hope" er and "trust"er and followed thru with what the hotline person was telling me to do, I got to the rooms and glued myself to my chair. Thinking for me often is a distraction and most often anymore I just use my brain for entertainment. I go to meetings and listen and learn and practice new ways of living while carrying this cunning, powerful and baffling disease and reactions to it.
Good to have you here. Please come join us on the journey. ((((hugs))))
Welcome to MIP and others who have all been effected by the disease of alcoholism. Your where you need to be. Taking the first step in your recovery from a disease that takes over the mind, body, and spirit of the alcoholic. He is seeking recovery by attending AA meeting and I wish him the hope and strength he will need in his struggle.
My suggestion (experience, strength, and hope) for you is to find an Al-Anon meeting with no concern about your social anxiety. There will be a chair for you and friendly faces who have been where you are. Many living with active alcoholiam in their homes. They will understand you, won't judge you, and make you feel part of a loving family that understands you as perhaps no one else can. You will not be asked to share. If you decide to share no one will tell you what you should or should not do. You deserve the help this program offers. Take the next step. Find the help you need and deserve. Your life will change for the better, not overnight but one day at a time.
There are many members on MIP who hesitated for one reason or the other attending their first meeting but not a single one of those members who has a regret. The program changed their life for the better. I have seen that change take place here and also in the meetings I attend. Many success stories. Others will answer your post, I hope Gail Michelle is one of them, her story will make you realize this program is for you as it for all of us.
Again Mar, welcome your not alone in the disease anymore.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 13th of May 2011 11:07:42 PM
I really can relate to how feel. I was stuck at home with a little one and that is when I really needed a meeting. I found this place while I was attending alanon meetings one night after I put the baby to bed. I was going crazy and reading the posts here really helped me to get through those sleepless nights. I had comfort reading old posts and posting myself. MIP was a Godsend at 2 AM, I had an appropriate forum to share how I was feeling so that I would not dump all of my disappointment, anger, and frustration on the AH.
I do so hope you will find the encouragement, love, strength and support of the face to face Alanon meetings. It has changed my life.
Thank you for taking the time to share with us. Keep coming back. Respectfully Yours, TC
(((Mar))) Welcome to MIP. Good for your fiance for admitting his problem and seeking help through AA. And good for you for seeking help for yourself. This board is a great place to start. I used to feel so alone dealing with my ah until I found this place. I was dealing with anger, fear, resentment and other crazy-making emotions.The experience, hope, strength, and downright LOVE I got from the people here have helped me to make my life better. I hope you can make it to some face to face alanon meetings. I've never been to one as there are none where I live. But from everything I've heard and read about them you shouldn't worry. No one will force you to share or do anything you don't want to. There are also online meetings here if that would be easier for you. Whatever you do, please take care of yourself and keep coming back here.
Suggest you do yourself a great favor and go to a meeting. When I went the first time two friends took me. Maybe you could have someone go with you. After the first meeting you will feel much much more comfortable.
Thanks, everyone :) If everyone at the meetings are as great as all of you, I'm sure I won't have a problem. I'll probably go to one in the next week or two and maybe bring a friend along.
Thanks, everyone :) If everyone at the meetings are as great as all of you, I'm sure I won't have a problem. I'll probably go to one in the next week or two and maybe bring a friend along.
Hi Mar!
Welcome to MIP! Yes, members here are wonderfully supportive. You can bet you will find find those at meetings just as great.
You mentioned that you have social anxiety. I take it that you are uncomfortable when in a group. Perhaps you are concerned that you will be put on the spot (have to speak in front of everyone). That absolutely will not happen at an Al-Anon meeting.
So far, I've attended 3 different meeting groups. I found that each of these 3 groups has some members that listen only. They do not share their experiences, strength and hope. And no one pressures them! That's one of the beauties of meetings; you can participate at your comfort level with no pressure. I find some of the quiet ones do participate by smiling or nodding just at the right times. When I share, I tend to look at people in the room to make eye contact; that's when some quiet ones speak to me through their smiles or nods. We make a nonverbal connection.
I've only been going to meeting for the past 2.5 months. I was VERY reluctant to go. The first few meetings I felt uncomfortable, but I reminded myself that it's natural to feel that way when trying new things. So I kept an open mind and mostly listened. I'm so glad I hung around!
It's so comforting to be surrounded by a group of people who have had similar situations. That is, they understand what it's like living with an alcoholic. You'll find members are at varying stages of their recovery.
If you find your first visit not that rewarding, I hope you give it a chance. Some meetings, I find, are not as powerful as others. But I always get something from them. It's well worth it. How I wish that I had gone to meetings 3 years ago when they were recommended. I was too hardheaded; I thought my ex and I were different. I laugh at myself now.
Oh, some meeting places have what is called Newcomers' Meetings. Where I attend, these type of meetings take place 30 to 45 minutes before the regular meeting. They are helpful in that newcomers meet with 2 or 3 other members to learn about the program and how meetings are run before they actually attend one. Kind of an ice breaker activity. Even though I'm relatively new myself, I volunteer being one who attends such meetings. It's very rewarding to soothe a newcomer's anxiety.
Hope you give meetings a chance! Try at least 6 before you deciding whether they are for you. Let us know how you are doing!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
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