"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Frightening!

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva - I have NO idea whether or not these threats are serious or not - I assume that they are somewhat individual and unique, but only can imagine the anxiety that they could cause... I think that is one of the few 'differences' between genders within Al-Anon, etc - we all face very similar situations & circumstances - but I never had to experience the 'physical fear' from my ex-AW...

Your hubby seems to be very streaky, when it comes to his outbursts and drinking - in his "sober and rational" times, is this ever anything you could discuss with him??

Just another example of how cunning and baffling this whole addiction thing is..... some A's drink all the time.... some drink sporadically.... some are somewhat 'functional' in that they maintain jobs, relationships, etc..... some get destitute and lose/push away everything.... I always find it interesting that - despite all the varieties and shapes & sizes of A's, their basic behaviors are remarkably consistent and measurable....

I wish you well

Tom

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Incidents such as you described can be very scary. I don't know whether to take them seriously, either.

My ex-AH said and did some bizarre things as well. He threatened to kill himself at times. He had a large gun safe in the garage with far too many guns for me to ever want to count. When our adult son was living here while finishing college, he always locked his bedroom door at night. He went out and purchased a special locking doorknob. He was always concerned for my welfare because I refused to lock myself behind the spare bedroom door at night. I'm not sure if that was wise. I'd exercise caution now that I've lived a little longer.

I'm sorry to know that you are living with this insanity.

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva, I don't know if you should take him seriously or not. Some months ago we were having problems with a neighbor. On a couple of occasions when drunk, ah would talk about killing him. In his case I am absolutely sure it was only a drunken threat. He would talk bad about this neighbor when sober but that's as far as it ever went. He did not remember threatening to kill him and was shocked and embarrassed when I told him about it the next day. Hopefully this is only ¨drunk talk¨ from your a too. Even so, it certainly is frightening.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That is VERY threatening behavior and what you need to keep yourself safe from Diva. That is "alcoholic" ...not normal and not rational behavior...breaking things and threatening homicide is reason to call for help. Alcohol is a mind, mood and behavioral modifying drug..."He" isn't present...an alcoholic is. Could this be a 911 solution?

(((((hugs))))) smile

For me situations like this come down to the "short" solutions. I have worked as a Alternatives to Violence mens case manager and this is again for me not one of those "rationalize it" situations. Go to the "Short list" of solutions of which the phone number 911 is listed. question...would you let me get that drunk and act that way in your house? What would you do if it was someone else acting that way? You are dealing with a life threatening disease and that doesn't only mean the life of the alcoholic...Alcoholism has millions of victims that don't drink at all. I don't sit and rationalize the situation anymore...I go to the short list of solutions and follow thru.

-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 13th of May 2011 03:14:57 PM

Tattyhead · Senior Member

(((Diva))) I cannot add anything more useful - just to say I empathise and you must keep yourself safe. Alcoholic or not - he has no right to frighten and threaten you. Jerry is right - you need to call for help when this type of situation happens.

Love and prayers,

Tish x

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva.....I agree with calling 911

We get sucked into managing the disease and accepting the un-acceptable. Jerry is right, if it was someone else acting like this in your home what would you do?

When the disease progresses to the A acting in blackout mode....and I dont know if your husband is at this stage.....but they are not present, not responsible for their actions..........I have learned through trying to cope with similar situations, and failing....it is safer for all concerned that they are taken care of by higher powers than us....ie doctors, hospital, police...........

The thing is when they come out of it they dont remember it.....therefore cant learn from it. Its only we, the sober onlookers, who remember and the scars run deep. You can tell them when they come out of it what happened but they never beleive it or fully take on board...but if they wake up in hospital or a cell then they have to believe it.

I dont hesitate to call.

In support

Ness

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello my friend. (((Diva)))

Please take care of yourself. Have an escape plan ready if this happens again. And I agree with Jerry too, if someone were acting like that in my house I wouldn't hesitate to use 911 to get them out.

sigh... alcoholism is definately frightening.

Love you,

David

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Diva you know I value you.

It has always been my choice to believe what another threats,especially an A! These people are killing themselves and know this. To do hurt to others is not a stretch at all.

Besides that Diva what wrong is there to believe what people say? We can prepare ourselves, we know they are capable. For me it is better than saying,"Oh he would never do anything like that."

Bolony, there are lots of people in their graves from not taking it serious and or the law not taking it serious. We have people in prison for taking care of themselves by having to kill that person themselves.

I am glad you are listening, and protecting you. Also these people are brain damaged Diva. As you know the damage gets worse and worse. Their ability to feel compassion is about nothing, they have no sense of consequences for their behavior.

For them to say they don't even remember saying it, to me is even more scarey! As that is how you know, the human A is not present, the disease is. And we can NEVER know what it will do!

Diva the world needs you, take care! love,debralyn

b

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi Diva,

I know, long time, no post. You drew me out of hiding.

I recall a phase my AH went through as he wa approaching the worst of his late stage alcoholism, where he threatened violence against me and others, became paranoid and was unable to control his behavior. I called the police once when I felt there was a serious threat to my safety and they removed him from our home.

In reading about alcoholism, I learned that many late stage alcoholics become "mad" like this due to Vitamin B12 deficiency. Vitamin B12 is a fat-soluble vitamin that cannot be absorbed in the stomach of alcoholics. It is absolutely critical for normal brain functioning and leads to a psychosis when there's not enough of it. At it's worse, and left untreated, it results in a condition called Wernicke's Encephalopathy (something like that...) and their brains are permanently damaged from the loss of the vitamin. I believe this is one of the reason that there are only three outcomes for a continued drinking in chronic alcohilsm - Jail, A Psychiatric Institution or Death.

So, what to do with this knowledge? In my case, I let my AH know what I had learned and asked him to take Mega Doses (B100) of vitamin B12. This was also recommended by an emergency room physician to try and ease his suffering. He agreed. Once he started taking the mega dose, his behavior calmed and we never saw that kind of erratic behavior again. Of course he continued to drink and relapse, but he didn't lose it in that "mad" way any more. That was better for both of us.

I'm not a doctor, but wanted to share what I learned in case it offers some insight you may wish to share with your AH.

Take care, Rocky

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks to all of you who took the time to reply. I cannot put into words how much I appreciate each of you here on MIP.

Today hasn't been any better. He passed out in his car with all the windows closed with the 93F sun beating down. The car was in the driveway, but I did not know he was in it. Came upon him purely by chance, dragged him out, and his body temperature had soared. A few more minutes and he'd have been dead.

Be all that as it may, Ness, you described my A to a tee. I shook my head in disbelief at your post, as I could have written it myself.

911 will definitely be called when this happens again. Notice I did not say, "if."

Best wishes all around, Diva

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"