newbie with difficult medical question - Al-Anon Family Group

mr5191 · Member

newbie with difficult medical question

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

mr,
Welcome to Alanon and I dont mean to be hard but good luck with any of the things you want to do for the addict.

I know we only have their best interests at heart, but we need to concentrate on our own lives and what we are going to do about being involved
with the alcoholic. You have done a good first step , by reaching out to Alanon.

Alanon is about YOU and helping you with the solutions and decisions that you face by loving an alcoholic. This program is not achieved over nite, we
have to practice our detachment from them. This is only the beginning. By you asking what you can do for the alcoholic, already you are showing that you
have to stick with the program and try to work the first step and that is We are powerless over the alcoholic.

Only the addict can decide if they want to be sober or not. Nothing you can say or do will change that. It may work for the moment, but until they make the decision,
you are in for the same behavior.

I really hope you stick with the program and work it for yourself...

Good luck to you, Luv, Bettina

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, and glad you're here!

If one of the alcoholics in my life was having a very serious medical issue that needed immediate attention, I'd call 911. This is no different than I would do for anyone else with a medical emergency.

Outside of that, I mind my own business. My mom has a liver condition brought on by alcoholism. When she found out, she was shocked and stayed dry for about 2 weeks. Then she started drinking again, worse than ever. I wish I could call her doctor. But what good would it do? If medical professionals could tell someone to stop drinking and have them stop, none of us would be here. Point is, my mom has a disease. She isn't going to get better until she decides she's going to get better. I can't go around her to get help for her, because she is an adult and makes her own decisions - even if I feel that her decisions are unwise.

Unfortunately, we do not have the power to change someone else's behavior, no matter how good our intentions.

Keep working on your program - you're making such awesome progress already!

Blessings,

Summer

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hon her overall health are all symptoms of the disease. Really is nothing we can do sadly. It's all that which is none of our business. We cannot control it anyway. I know how horrible it is to see our loved ones killing themselves. Been there too many times.

We can call 911, we can take them to the er, drag them to a doctor. But the end result is the same, it is all totally up to them. I know that is horribly hard to face.

If she was have a seizure, talking suicide I agree, call 911. Again however, it will ultimately be up to her when or if she gets some clarity.

As you learn the tools of Al Anon it will become more clear to you. We have to strengthen our own life, in order for this disease not to pull us in. The disease is very selfish, it will suck us dry, and many times we get sicker than the addict.

You are very wise to be learning the skills.I am so glad you are working on your recovery.

My love to you and your dear wife. For me I gave all my love while I could,hated the disease, but gleaned all the time I could with him.

hugs,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

MR you can get the alcohol/drug interaction information by looking up the drug online. They will have the info sheet for you to read and then that will be for your own info only cause it can then be filed along with the other attempts under the 3C's (didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it) in the "Powerless" folder.

Here is something I've seen done, have done myself and have heard others in AA do. It is part of recovery. Calls to AA central office to reach a sober alcoholic(s) to see if they will make house/"wet" calls. I have made "wet" 12th step calls before and my last one has just celebrated a year+ sober. That isn't a me thing...it's a God thing because I was/am powerless and so was his wife. I am also a member in AA and that is part of my recovery. I also make Al-Anon 12 step calls.

So you can take a shot at the AA Central Office hotline number and see if there is someone willing to come out. You do this for you because you are having a huge problem living with active alcoholism and need the info and support.

Good luck and if you need more info on it...PM me or respond here. (((hugs))) smile

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

If you feel you need to do something follow up on the information Jerry has given you , then you will know that you have done everything you can to help your wife . The hardest thing for me was to understand that some die from this disease , I was told to allow them the dignity to live or die the way they choose. I truly do understand your dilema as I have been where your at right now. A dear friend a dual member decided to make a wet call on my husb yrs ago , he took my husb to a few meetings but eventually my husb said NO , but he definetly put the bug in my husb ear , he struggled with drinking another yr after that but God chose to intervene and my husb found his miracle and is 20 yrs sober today . I wish you the same . Louise

ythannah · Senior Member

I'm sorry that you're going through this. (((hugs)))

I know how hard it is. My mother was hospitalized several times because of her drinking and vowed each time to quit, although she adamantly refused formal help. "I'll just stop on my own" She knew that continuing to drink was causing a rapid decline in her health and would ultimately kill her.

In November 2009, I looked at my mother lying in an ICU bed with 7 IV lines running into her arms and listened to her say ruefully, "I guess I'll have to be good now". That was her euphemism for quitting drinking. She knew the consequences but had not chosen to stop. She died of cirrhosis later that month.

I've heard a million times that we need to allow another adult the dignity of making their own choices, whether we agree with those choices or not.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Michael, I do not know what the laws are in your state, but there is a law here in Florida called the Marchman act and it is reserved for when people are putting themselves in immediate life and death danger through substance abuse. You can petition to have such a person involuntarily committed at that point but it may take time. It might not help, but it might save her life. That is something you can only pray over. I hope this helps... Most the other folks on her have more alanon experience than me and my knowledge in this area just comes from working in the MH/SA field.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I did a little internet research after writing this response too and found out the law is the same in most states. The alcoholic or addict has to be in severe danger and neglecting their physical needs. By not eating or taking necessary meds, your wife might be at that point.

mr5191 · Member

Thanks for the all the input. I am not going back to how I used to live and feel trying to manage the alchohic's problems. I was more curious about the ethics of letting someone take medications that are harmful with alchohol without doing something about it. I am all about letting her face her consequences alone. I am done doing that for her. I cant help but feel disapointed that our plans for life have been taken away but its pointless to worry about that as well. I am trying to start over.
I do hope one day she can find her peace and get well but she will have to do that alone. Here is to a new day. Thoughts and prayers to all who are fighting this battle.

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

Please take time to grieve the plans, expectations and wishes that were unrealized... I had to do that in my life and it gave me the freedom (& with forgiveness) it allowed me to fully honor the past, resolve it and move onto making new creative possibilities for me in the present and future. Learning to detach with love and choosing to not live (emotionally) enmeshed anymore.

As for the medical curiosity goes, could you live with yourself if she did pass and it was from complications of her medications and the alcohol combined? I know my step dad did not tell his doctor that he was also drinking a bottle of vodka daily. Getting involved in their medical-health lives, will have its own set of consequences. You will have to figure out what will allow you to have the most peace about it... our regrets can destroy us. Support is one thing and being overly involved is another, it sounds like you are on your way to embracing your own recovery and life! WTG

tommyecat · ~*Service Worker*~

Mr 5191, You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.