The material presented
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Today I am frustrated.....my dry ABF and I took a break this winter, for about two 1/2 months. About a month ago we started communicating again. He has an issue with gambling but like when he was drinking he is a functioning gambler, bills get paid etc. Poker replaced drinking and eventually like now started replacing me. After his latest out burst of me not being the one for him we need a break I started going to ALANON. So when we started having conversation I took things in a different direction. He admitted to having issues with gambling just like he did with drinking but wasn't ready to quit. I know this isn't gamblers anon but it goes along with the alcohol just the same. I thought this is positive conversation. He was calling again checking up on me and being a nice guy. Things were good I was in control. Then the games started on monday....I text no response, I call no call back. Here we go again. I need strength right now to say relax you didn't do a thing, this is his illness, get back to you, and life will fall into place. But what I really want to do is scream at him for being a jerk! But as I know too well the addiction is priority and I am just on the back burner.
Parfait you sound clear on what is happening, good for you :) Only thing I noticed with poker addictions in my experience is that the mood is directly related to if they are winning or losing...can be so nasty if they are losing and reverse if they are winning...what a roller coaster since it is gambling, no matter how good you are the element of luck is a constant...blessings :)
I don't think alcoholism would have such a strong hold if we enablers didn't keep putting up with their bs - there are so many who are able to shrug their shoulders and walk away from a relationship as we describe them here. Because of my current position - married just 3 rocky years to an A and wondering "wha-happen to prince charming?", every time i read about the same types of problems with boyfriends, I want to scream at them, RUN! get away now, don't make the same mistake i made, etc. and so on. One of the most important messages I've gotten just from reading here and in books recently is that I don't have to accept the unacceptable and its up to ME to define what is unacceptable.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Dream it doesn't matter if they are winning.....it's like drinking that last time they got so drunk was so fun they have to do it bigger next time. With winning if they won that much imagine they could double their wins if they just play the next night too and that turns into five nights a week. Hey he doesn't respond fine, I'll go back to reading my books I've been catching up on the last couple of months and yoga. Stuff I want to do. Yes it sucks I thought for a min, I have my boyfriend back and he wants to be better......WRONG! To like my heart, nope I am not married and when I read this stuff I think wow girls/guys run far away. But I have known and been friends with my ABF for 15 years now, I am almost 30. That's half my life. He was always a fun guy when I got involved I had no idea he was an addict. We have been on again off again for four years. I have dated other men and it sucks that I love him! What a choice and for a while I thought I was crazy I have never put up with crap from a guy, but my ABF is different. It's the illness it sucks you in. Can they change only if they want to and on their own. I guess one day at a time. I'm just glad I am making progress, thinking before reacting, taking a step back and just being able to catch my breath is a good start.
Aloha Parfait...I learned how to say "Enough" before I learned "Relax". I learned "Relax" inside the rooms of Al-Anon and miracles of miracles I even know how to do that automatically today. Of course I keep going back...to the meetings of course.
I have no experience with loved ones in my life with gambling addictions.
However, I do relate to wanting to jump around, scream and shout. It was suggested to me to go into my room, set an egg timer for five minutes and do all of the screaming and shouting in my closet or shower I wanted. You know I felt better. After the timer was up I was directed to do the next right thing for me. By doing so I was able to keep moving forward in my life whether they were part of it or not.
