The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A woman three blocks away from where I live was murdered last night by her substance abusing estranged husband, then he rolled his car down a hill in a high speed pursuit, was ejected and flown to the big city via helicopter and whether or not he makes it is anybodys guess.
When I told my AH (in a text) he responded with I hope the 'xxxx' is dead and my instinct - what I REALLY wanted to say back was whats the difference between you and him? But he wouldnt get it, hed just call me vile names (hes back to drinkin because he has fun doin it), blame every problem he ever had on me and accuse me of sleeping with everybody in the vicinity.
His birthday was last week and he wanted to be able to drink and have fun without me getting mad at him for doing it so he lied to me then was surprised that I was upset when I found out. Then he was mad at ME of course, thats the way it goes, he is mad at me for being upset so I cant ever be displeased with anything he does hmm, explains why we are living apart.
I feel for the woman and her 4 kids though and cant help but see the similarities between her situation and mine. I asked someone who knew her well if the husband had physically abused her, answer no just verbal (like mine). Sad and scary hits close to home.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 11th of May 2011 05:53:11 PM
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I learned that events like this were also part of the fatal nature of alcoholism addiction. The alcoholic/addict isn't the only one who dies as a result. I also use to use news like this to "dig" at my alcoholic until I admitted to the first half of the first step and made the choice to change what I could and not bring up things like this cause she would know why and then react. I pray violence doesn't become a part of your story. If you are not yet in the rooms of Al-Anon call their hotline and find out where and when we get together and help each other recover from the effects of the disease. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
I find that abuse comes in many forms. This disease can turn what seems to be a "normal" person into a monster. That is what I became, a monster. I became the abuser not the alcoholic in my marriage when everything else failed. I tried loving more, cleaning more, going from a size 8 to a 6, always looking great when I walked in the door, you name it, I did it. I eventually landed on abuse and apathy which is for me worse than hatred. So I began hitting him, cursing at him, rolling my eyes at him, wishing he were dead. I was the monster.
I d i d n o t l i k e w h o I w a s. I k n e w " I " n e e d e d H E L P!
I became a sick person and I knew it. I had no joy in life. I lived in fear, a self imposed prison. I grew up in an alcoholic home abused by my mother and I became the abuser. This is a FAMILY disease. Alanon helped me. There is courtesy, kindness, love, and respect in my family as a result of the program. I have an opportunity to change who I am. That is the only thing I can change. I stay in meetings because I know if I don't I slip right back into the person I used to be. AA has a saying, Slippery Soles need Sober Shoes. I needed the same shoes to maintain an emotional sobriety one day at a time. My program only has a 24 hour shelf life. I have to meet the God of my understanding on my knees and invite him into my life every day so I can have a shot at serenity and peace.
TC: I can only hope I find someone like you in the meetings in my area. I am going tonight. I am going tonight... I am going tonight.... I want it so bad....Thanks for your post!
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-youfoundme
Let go and let God...Let it be... let it begin with me...
