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I am so dissatisfied with my life! I don't like my homelife with my husband. I don't like my job or my co-workers and I am even having a hard time with my siblings. My kids are a given.....
The past few years my husband has distance himself from me for whatever reason. I don't even care anymore. We are buying a beach house and after the first summer there he has not really wanted to go anymore. He hates the beach but he really wanted to buy this house so that we could retire in Delaware. I was the one who wanted it to be near the beach if we were going to be moving there one day. I doubt that will happen now because it is in a resort town and he hates all the summertime crowds or if I will even be with him when we retire. This really leaves me with going alone or staying home. I have never been good about spending time with just myself. I wish I could change that. I just think I would be lonely and would not want to go out and do anything by myself. I do have one friend of mine that loves to go with me but I swear I hardly ever hear from her all winter. She really brings me down with her gossipping and trying to get all kinds of information from me about my family and anyone she can. Do you know what kind of person I am talking about? I know she is hinting around about taking her family and God knows who else for the week of Memorial Day. I let her use it last summer and just ask for a few bucks to cover a/c cost, electri and water. She never gave me a cent and I swear she did not even do a very good job of cleaning the place up. I was livid but never said anything. I shouldn't have to. Anyway, I just want to avoid that this time so I will either go alone or stay home.
I won't even start on my co-workers and siblings because I could just type on forever.
I don't have much problem being alone as I am an only child and grew up isolated from my (very small) extended family. So I got quite accustomed to amusing myself. I'm also rather shy and introverted so I'm not very comfortable in social activities anyway; I prefer to hang out with a few close friends.
I love to read, so if I know I'm going to be spending time alone I stock up on books. When I travel I pick up a bunch of paperback novels at a used bookstore, and usually leave them behind when I return. Except the last trip I took, when I brought Al-Anon literature with me. I'm thinking of getting a kindle so I can easily have lots of books at my fingertips.
At home I always have a lot of projects on the go, indoors and out. Right now I'm looking at 10 skinned knuckles from scraping down some concrete in preparation for painting. I can always keep myself busy.
That friend of yours sounds like more of a drain than anything else; I can see why her company wouldn't be a pleasant idea. In your shoes, I'd go alone and plan things to fill my time, like sightseeing in the area plus quiet time at home.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Hi, We also have a cottage. I would never "rent" to someone, especially with a bad record of not paying anyway. My kids have an open invitation to come any time and we have bedrooms for them. I try to have things that keep the grandkids happy.
Is your cottage in an area that has Al-Anon meetings? Go alone to the cottage and go to a meeting at night or in the middle of the day. That will fill up some of your time and it will make you meet people in the area. Go to coffee/tea after the meetings and have a good time.
I just had this discussion with my sponsor. I hate being alone.
My Recovering Alcoholic partner has been advised by his sponsor to break up with me, which he did, via email, last Wednesday but by noon on Thursday we were back together and agreed to slow down (which means I need to not call/text so often and that we need to limit seeing each other to once or twice a week...which will be difficult). I am not dealing very well with this and have texted/called him every day since then (but today and tomorrow and Wednesday will be different, I am leaving contact up to him, even if it kills me, which it feels like it might!) We did spend a couple of hours together Friday evening after my class but I had class on Saturday and yesterday was Mother's day so I was busy with my kids, today I had an interview and I have to write a 3 page paper by 6 pm, tonight I have to prep for my interview tomorrow and prepare a 10 minute presentation to be given at my professional group's professional development meeting (100 people) tomorrow evening and then more interview prep for my Wednesday interview and my partner will be meeting with his sponsor on Wednesday so that day is already off limits to me...so it's not like I don't have things to do but I sure am missing him and spending time with him (we were seeing each other nearly every day for at least part of the day).
I am also never truly alone. My mother lives with me and I have 3 kids so even at home I am not alone, but I usually feel very alone. I don't deal well with alone.
I hope your situation gets better and that you can find ways to be happy on your own.
To answer your question.... No, most of the time I do not have a problem with being with me only. I'm more of an introvert, and too, I'm at a stage in my life where living alone enables me to get to know myself on a deeper level. I spend a lot of my alone time gardening in the spring and summer and reading throughout the year. I do mingle with people, for I enjoy the connection. But I'm picky with whom I spend my time with.
I've had the opposite problem that you seem to have: I've always had trouble with being around people all the time. Throughout my life, I always was bugged to have my good friends hang out with me all the time and large gatherings, while I enjoy them, drain my energy. It helped when I examined why this is true for me. The knowledge of why helped me to become more accepting of who I am, as well as identify some areas that I need to work on.
make sense? If no, let it roll of your back just like water on a duck's back :)
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
A beach house.....boy I would love that..... I could daydream forever there....I tell you if I lived closer to you I'd be your beach buddy!!! I'm an ace cleaner, honed to perfection by lots of 'displacement activity'!! Can't swim but my vivid imagination has me slicing through the waves like some sleek mermaid.....NOT!!
I'm good with my own company, always have been.....I like contemplative silence, need it.....but I'm also sociable and this is one the thing I hid from when 'the disease' took over and isolation crept in. I abandoned myself to the insanity of my son's addiction..... shut myself off .....in a bad way.
It's taken a while to find ME again, but Im getting there....I'm making an effort to keep connected to family & friends and trying to make making 'living' amends to those who love me and who I filled with fear by shutting them out. Some friends have fallen by the wayside, and that's fine..... they used to do my head in with their well meaning advice....and I probably did their heads in by sharing my fear and insanity!!
For a while I was scared to be alone, I was obsessing constantly about my son, all the chattering monkeys in my head had me far removed from contemplative silence!
I'm taking a short trip by myself soon, this is the first in a while so don't know how it will pan out, but I know I need it..... the chattering monkeys have got me snapping so I'm hoping to shut them up with a dose of exhausting hill walking!!
Are there Al-anon meetings in the area where your beach house is? A chance to make new friends.
I didn't think of an Alanon meeting in the area. I just checked and there is one less than 2 miles from my house. I will certainly give that a try. It is 8:00 pm on Saturday night. Thanks for the suggestion.
Hi there, I hate being alone and with my kids with their dad half the week now that we are divorcing I have had to learn what to do with myself. I am getting more comfy in my skin and can even relax now with an Al-anon book while alone. I invite girlfriends over and watch a movie once a week and it is getting easier. I still try to distract myself from time to time, but I am getting better and spending time alone and looking at myself, it has helped me grow a lot. I still fight it, but I had no choice and my HP and I spend a lot of time together now which I see I needed! I hope you find the Al-anon meeting and people pleasant. It sounds like a great opportunity to get to know your new area and self. Thoughts and prayers sent to you!
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God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
Oh Gailey, you have the oppurtunity that is my dream LOL I love being alone, not lonely .. I get those moods too but just to have time alone at a house by the beach. I could wiggle my toes in the sand and not have to answer the cell phone. Or sit and people watch for hours without someone trying to make into a talk about the people time. Meditate and talk to myself .... I have actually been trying to find a little cabin that Sully and I could go to for a couple weeks in the summer but now with taking more classes I would not be able to anyway.
I have quite a few people in my life that finally understand my love of being alone. In particular one friend who now after living by herself for a couple years gets anxious if people stay too long at her house, she has come to enjoy and guard her time and space as much as I do. She is the same person who encouraged me to vacation by myself years ago because the feeling of being free from work, responsibility and not having to compromise with anyone else is an extremely freeing experience. I really enjoy it.
I do notice though that at times when I have something going on inside that I do not want to deal with that I am more likely to want to be around people. At least until I am ready to the quiet and listen to my insides for a while.
OMG...just when I am beginning to get used to the idea of going alone my husband walks in to my office and said he wanted to go with me. He also said for some reason he is encouraged to find our happy relationship again. WTH!!!!!!
I adore being alone. I used to dislike it and had to have people around me all the time. That was before I found my program or serenity. I was filling my voids in all the wrong places. I am very much an extrovert and do like my time with people, but now I find I get emotionally filled up and need some time alone to regroup.
I could spend weeks alone and feel just fine with that, even happy and relieved. Every weekend and night I spend time alone now. I would miss my son so I am not okay with not seeing him often.
The more I work my program, the more I like it. Peace to meditate, read and relax. Those things have taken the place of the excessive amount of time I used to have to spend with people to feel okay.
I love being alone...in fact I wish I had more time alone. When I get some time to myself I thank my higher power for that time. I use it for my step work & prayer and meditation in the morning. In the afternoon when the baby sleeps I have round two of prayer and meditation time. It strengthens me throughout the day. That time helps me to come to an acceptance of what is going on in my world. I ask God to direct my thinking and actions and teach me how to live. I am able to accept people, places, and things just as they are - perfect in Gods world exactly as He intended them to be. So I may not like was is going on in my world but I ask my Higher Power what is the lesson, what are you trying to teach me? Then I get quiet and listen. That is when the magic happens for me, being still, alone, waiting for my Good Orderly Direction (G.O.D) for the day.
Wow Gailey! Always the unexpected, that's for sure.
I can relate to your being alone after the divorce. My ex has half time custody as well and I never realized how much freedom meant to me. I don't go to a lot of places either, but if I do, I can take my time. I can lay around all day if I want to. I can clean all day, listen to loud music, watch whatever I want whenever I want, and the best part, getting the whole bed to myself.
I can talk on the phone for hours if I want to and nobody will interrupt or complain. I can read in bed with the light on and nobody will complain. I love it when my kids come, but I usually spend the time after they leave, cleaning up everything so it's neat for when they come back.
So being alone to me almost isn't like being alone. It's peace and quiet. You will adjust.
I really crave balance in my life. I like my alone time, but not too much. I like time with people, but not too much of that, either. From living on my own after getting divorced, I am definitely aware of one big thing - when I retire, I'm really going to need to find myself some kind of volunteer work that will get me out and about and among people.
A book that's really helped me to learn more about loving myself and enjoying my own company (because I've found if I don't love myself, then I can't tolerate being alone at ALL) is "Simple Abundance" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It's not CAL, but it's still so very healing. Hope you can pick yourself up a copy.
My kids are a given.....
I'm thinking of getting a kindle so I can easily have lots of books at my fingertips.